#emotionalmental

[askthepositivehomestucks]

If Cronus, Kankri, Dave, Jake, or John could answer this, I'd be happy. I love my mom very much, and I'm happy that she supports me and cares for me, but sometimes I wish she would let me live the way I want to. She wants me to exercise and lose 20 pounds. Right now I'm 150. I'm pretty comfortable with how I look. But she wants me to cut all that weight anyway. I eat healthy and remain active, so I'm not like fat and lazy. Also, she gets mad if I don't get A's and B's in school. I try my best to listen and do homework and get good grades, but sometimes I just can't focus well, or I do really bad on a test that I thought I studied good for. I'm trying, and yeah I'm smart, but I don't like having pressure to be Miss Perfecty Perfect. I could try better in school, but I don't want to. I don't want to get all A's and B's all the time. I just want to be a normal person who makes mistakes and isn't always perfect, and that that's okay. She doesn't like my gaming either. I play a lot of Pokemon, and I love it, but she thinks I have an obsession, and that's it's affecting my academics. It's not true, I just love internet and Pokemon. Cosplaying is another thing. I cosplay a lot of boys, and she doesn't like that because 'I should be more girly' or 'it's not pretty' or 'you're not a boy, don't be like one'. I cosplay boys mostly because they're mostly my favorite characters. Not because I wanna be a boy or something. I'm sorry to rant on here, I'm just having a lot of problems, and I really need a day out with a lot of good friends. Unfortunately, I might be grounded because even though I tried, my grades are terrible this quarter. I'm in a corner right now. I feel stressed. I wanna cry sometimes. As much as I would like to talk to her about this, or any other family member, they won't want me to live the way I feel happy because they'll all think 'they're older, so they know what better for me.' I'm so sick of everything. Some days, I'm tempted to just disappear. Leave with no trace, and stay some place else. But I'm only 14, and it's a big scary world out there. Only...it's a big scary world in my house too...

CRONUS: heya, kid. I hope you dont mind that i bring my cute lil pal meu here to help ya out, too.

MEULIN: (=^OwO^=)< 3333!!! HIIII3333!!!!! I’M READY TO HELP, TOO!!!

CRONUS: nowv vwe both knowv youre in a bit of a rut here, so wvell do our best to help ya out, alrighty?

MEULIN: (=^・エ・^=)< YOUR LUSUS IS TOO HIGH-STRUNG ON K33PING YOU TO THESE IMPAWSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS. I WOULD THINK ANY HUMAN OR TROLL COULD EFUR BE PURRFECT.

MEULIN: (=^. .^=)< HOWEFUR, SHE CAN’T TAKE TOTAL CLAWNTROL OF ALL THE THINGS YOU DO! YOU ARE YOUR OWN PURRSON, AND YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE THE DECISIONS YOU WANT WHETHER SHE’LL S33 IT OR NOT!!!

CRONUS: exactly! sure, she porbably vwants vwhats best for ya, but howv does SHE knowv for a fact that vwhatevwer crazy expectation shes got is gonna vwork out for ya?

CRONUS: vwe arent in this life to try to get a perfect score or nothing.

MEULIN: ヽ(=^◉⍵◉^=)丿< THAT’S WHAT VIDEO GAMES ARE FOR!!!!!!!!!

CRONUS: speaking of video games, meu, dontcha think our friend here has EVWERY right to play to her hearts content?

MEULIN: (=^￢w￢^=)< DID M33NAH GET YOU GOOD WITH HER TRIDENT THIS AFTERNOON?

CRONUS:….really, meulin? you gotta bring THAT up?

MEULIN: (=^◝⩌◜^=)< 3333333333333333333!!!!!!!!!

CRONUS: ugh, VWHATEVER!

CRONUS: point is, if playing vwideo games makes ya happy, then keep on playing!

MEULIN: (=^/⚈⌔⚈^)/< RIGHT!!! VIDEO GAMES ARE ALSO PURROVEN TO INCREASE CERTAIN FUNCTIONS IN YOUR THINKPAN TO HELP YOU CLAWNCENTRATE AND STUD MORE EFFICIENTLY!!!

MEULIN: (=^°⍵°^=)< EVEN IF PLAYING THESE GAMES DIDN’T IMPURROVE SQUAT,THE ONLY THING THAT MEOWTTERS IS THAT YOUR HAVING FUN!!!

MEULIN: (=^OxO^=)< DOES YOUR LUSUS REALLY WANT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR FUN AWAY??? I MEAN, EFURRYPAWDY HAS GOTTA HAVE FUN!!!

MEULIN: (=^.A.^=) < IF YOU DIDN’T THAT’D MAKE YOU LIKE…LIKE A FUREAKING ROBOT OR SOMETHING!!!

CRONUS: ehehe, I vwouldnt go as far as to say a robot, kitten. clam dowvn.

CRONUS: but yeh, youd be a total square if ya didn’t havwe fun – an unhappy one at that.

CRONUS: besides, howv can a person concentrate on their responsibilities if they aint happy?

CRONUS: tell your ma to put THAT in her pipe and smoke it.

MEULIN: (=^-w-^=)< CRONUS, YOU’RE ONE TO TALK ABOUT SMOKING. YOU DON’T EVEN USE YOUR HUMAN CIGARETTE THINGY.

CRONUS: alright, DISREGARDING MEULIN…

MEULIN: (=^o0o^=)< HEY!!!!

CRONUS:…lets movwe onto the main jist of vwhat you can do here.

CRONUS: it might not look like there is much you can do, but hey.

CRONUS: its better than nothing.

MEULIN: (=^OwO^=) < ANY FURM OF ACTION, NO MEOWTTER HOW LITTLE CAN LEAD TO GREATER OUTCOMES.

MEULIN: (=^U U^=) < FURST OFF IS REMINDING YOUR LUSUS THAT YOU’RE IN A RUT. SO IT WOULD HELP YOU OUT A LOT IF SHE CAN TAKE IT A BIT EASIER ON YOU.

CRONUS: let your ma knowv that youre being put under a LOT of pressure, and its hindering your performance in school.

CRONUS: your ovwerall vwellness is top priority, and evwen if you wanted to get higher grades, ya can’t do that vwhen youre minds totally on the fritz.

CRONUS: and yeh, older folks are alwvays gonna think vwe dunno vwhat vwe’re talking about. beats me vwhy they think that us kids arent bright.

MEULIN: (=^◕⍵◕^=)< BUT DON’T LET THAT GET YOU DOWN!!!

MEULIN: (=^•⩊•^)< AFTER ALL, THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE RESPAWNSIBLE FOR YOUR DECISIONS.

MEULIN: (=^°人°^=)< PURRSONALLY, I THINK THAT EITHER THEY SHOULD TRY TO HELP YOU OUT AND LISTEN.

MEULIN: (=^≣A≣^=)< AND IF THEY’RE TOO STUBBORN TO HELP, WELL…TOUGH LUCK ON THEM!!!

CRONUS: YOU call the shots here, kid!

CRONUS: evwen if you are grounded, its important that you vwoice your issues to your ma and others.

CRONUS: and like meu said, screwv m if they don’t vwanna help!

CRONUS: that just means ya gotta strivwe to do better on your owvn, evwen if you ruffle some feathers.

CRONUS: anyvways, good luck out there, kiddo.

CRONUS: you may be in a rough spot nowv, but there’ll be smooth cruising aiming your vway.

MEULIN: (=^nᗜn^=)< WE GUARANT33 IT, MY BEAUTY!!!

[askthepositivehomestucks]

Hi, I've been having over the past few months violent thoughts. Sometimes when someone does or says something that irritates me I get this surge of rage and I get vivid pictures of me hurting or even killing them. I managed to keep it under control by biting myself every time I had one of those urges but recently it has not been working. I am sacred because I am afraid that one day I will not be able to stop myself and I will really hurt someone I care about. I can't tell anyone either because they would think I am a psychopath and I would alienate them. 

I don't mind who answers this. Anyone would be great. Thanks.

ARADIA: this is gonna sound pretty weird, but thoughts like that are actually quite common!

ARADIA: the technical term is intrusive thoughts

ARADIA: lots of people have them! they dont mean youll actually do anything violent or dangerous or what have you

ARADIA: but they can be a problem regardless such as in your case where theyre affecting your day-to-day life

ARADIA: the thing you must realize is that you know hurting and/or killing people is terrible

ARADIA: you know that and you dont want to do it

ARADIA: so you dont have to!

ARADIA: isnt that wonderful? :D

ARADIA: one of the best things about this reality we inhabit is that we can now choose our own destinies

ARADIA: so you having thoughts like that doesnt mean that youre going to inevitably harm someone

ARADIA: as for biting yourself thats a very temporary solution and not a healthy one at all

ARADIA: and its not even working so whats the use?

ARADIA: i mean even if it was working itd be a terrible way to go about it but i digress

ARADIA: this is really more something you should be dealing with via relaxation technicques anyway given the nature of those awful thoughts youve been having

ARADIA: take a deep breath, count to ten, or even just excuse yourself and pace around for a bit

ARADIA: something to take the edge off!

ARADIA: and remember that while you may never be able to completely stop having thoughts like that, the thoughts themselves dont necessarily mean anything

ARADIA: its what you do that matters in this context

ARADIA: and if you keep what ive said in mind i know that youll be fine in the end :) __________ DIRK: Okay, this could end up seriously bad for you, because I am certain that you don’t want to hurt anyone, right? You need to find a better way of getting yourself back under control, preferably without hurting yourself like this, because using pain as a method of control can be honestly dangerous, and that’s the last thing we want. You can carry about cheap pencils or something to break, or rip apart a slice of bread or something. I’m just throwing out ideas, you just do what works for you.

DIRK: You might want to talk to your parents about seeing a counsellor about this, because these urges can be seriously harmful, both to your mental state, and possibly other people. Above all else, we need to find a way of stopping your violent urges, and if that fails, we need to find a way of controlling them. A therapist or counsellor can be very useful here, as they can help you get to the root of why you’re having these thoughts.

DIRK: Just remember, despite this, you are not crazy or anything. You just have an issue that can be solved very realistically. You just have to talk it out, and find out how the issue can be solved. You can get through this, I know you can. Just find new ways to control yourself in the meantime, like sewing or just breaking something that doesn’t mean a lot to you. You will be fine, and you will get through this. Remember that, no matter what.

[askthepositivehomestucks]

Um... I found out that I have Schizotypal... For years, I believed that some higher being was giving me powers to see the future and other things, and now all of a sudden I find out that none of that was real... I just feel so STUPID now for not realizing this before. It's just so bizarre that that chunk of my life was really all in my head. It explains why I'm so anxious forming close relationships, but I'm still needing some sort of comfort because this is all scary and sad and confusing.

VRISKA: Okay, the good news is there is treatment for your pro8lem. Therapy, and select medic8ion.

VRISKA: The 8etter news is, you can put your hallucinatory past 8ehind you and focus on particip8ing in reality like a normal 8eing!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: I mean, of coooooooourse you didn't realize it 8efore, you were too 8usy in your little fantasy world with f8ke shit swirling all around you.

VRISKA: Then again, who's to say you couldn't make this your advantage. Who wouldn't want to read a8out your visions and paranormal interactions? You could 8ecome some super famous, and super RICH off your other little world made up by the issues in your 8rain.

VRISKA: Of course that means shit if you can't come 8ack to reality and communic8. Think a8out what you expect in your interactions: someone who responds and gets involved in the conversation. Otherwise, it's just a w8ste of time 8eing thrown at a 8rick wall.

VRISKA: Don't 8e a fucking 8rick wall. You can start recovering to acting like a normal human 8eing. Not that that's much 8etter, 8ut it is 8y a little 8it. Rather, you'll 8e in 8etter touch with reality and everyone around you. That's pretty important, 8ecause you don't know who's going to affect you or fuck shit up in your path.

VRISKA: So........ I'm not the 8est comforter. 8ut I get that you're totally fucking confused, and you're going to struggle in differenti8ing for a while. With some practice, you might not totally suck at it!!!!!!!!

VRISKA: Meanwhile, 8e your own support. No one's going to understand your head 8ut you, so don't expect anyone to. That's a 8ig deal, allowing someone into your head, and it shouldn't 8e done 8y force if you have the a8ility to, 8lah 8lah 8lah.

VRISKA: It's going to seem a lot easier to retreat into your head........ 8ut resist that urge. You're tougher than that, and there will 8e people you can connect with, and they'll appreci8 you. If it was easy, it wouldn't 8e worth it, right?

VRISKA: 8ut, at the same time, pay attention to your visions and shit. Stranger things have happened. ________ARADIA: wow that does seem like a scary thing to deal with!

ARADIA: i dont blame you for being scared and confused at all

ARADIA: but i also dont think its something to feel stupid about!

ARADIA: you had no way of knowing anything was up, really

ARADIA: and while im sure its a weird thing to deal with it doesnt mean you were dumb for not realizing anything

ARADIA: although it is a pretty common feeling unfortunately

ARADIA: for instance a lot of my friends felt kind of dumb for not realizing i was dead!

ARADIA: even though realistically they had no reason to know and since i was still able to chat online it wasnt necessarily obvious :P

ARADIA: i think its kind of like that!

ARADIA: youre not dumb, you just didnt know :)

ARADIA: but now you do, and while it is a scary situation as i said its probably best that you do know

ARADIA: because now you can learn how to better deal with it!

ARADIA: i admittedly know very little about schizotypal but if you know whats going on with yourself you can take care of yourself better

ARADIA: just as a general rule!

ARADIA: i think youll be fine in the long run if you take good care of yourself

ARADIA: and you know better than i do what makes you feel happy and safe so id say keep doing whatever youre doing in regards to that!

ARADIA: have a lovely day anon, and remember that youre not dumb in the slightest for any of this :)

[askthepositivehomestucks]

To any of the pre-scratch trolls,

I often find myself acting like Mituna does. I fall a lot, I'm not really good at anything anymore, I have muscle spasms a lot, most of the time I can't speak properly, and a lot of other things. I never really liked Mituna until I saw myself in him and now I wish I wasn't like him.

Just to clear things up for what's coming, I'm a 15 year old transgender male who happens to be bisexual. It's even how people treat me. I have a matesprit but it feels like I'm just a burden to them. Like they are just there to make sure I don't hurt myself and feel guilty about it later. I have been called Freak, Attention seeker, Emo, Loser, Faggot, Trany, Fuck up, Mistake, and so many more names so many times that I lost count. Life sucks. It is REALLY REALLY bad right now for me and I'm losing control of my it. I have no idea what to do anymore. I often find myself crying myself to sleep for many reasons. I feel worthless and I mess things up for everyone. I always apologize, even if it isn't my fault, but no one ever forgives me. I'm always saying I'm sorry and I feel like if someone was to murder me I would say sorry to them as they were doing it. No one even takes me seriously. Not my parents, my friends, my relatives, no one does. They think me wanting to be a male is 'just a phase' and that I will grow out of it. I have been wanting to do this for years but I've never said anything because I didn't want to be more of a disappointment. Nothing I use to love makes me happy anymore and I don't ever have the energy to do anything. I try so hard to be a good sibling and a good child and a good friend but I always have some reason to get yelled at and it's my fault. Everything is always my fault, even if it isn't. I am stuck in this place for at least a few more years and I can't get out. I don't know what to do about anything and I need help.

KURLOZ: GREETINGS, MY MOST TROUBLED MOTHERFUCKER.

KURLOZ: IT PAINS ME WHAT TO BE READING SUCH MIRTHLACK SHIT BE AILING AT THEE. IT’S UNRIGHTEOUS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS BE GIVING THEE SUCH A HARD TIME BECAUSE OF WHAT THOU DOTH IDENTIFY THYSELF AS.

KURLOZ: GET THINE UNDERSTANDING THE MOTHER FUCK ON, HOMIE. THOU ART WHO THOU ART, AND THERE AIN’T NAUGHT OF WRONG BECAUSE OF IT.

KURLOZ: SOME MOTHERFUCKERS JUST AIN’T GOT NO UNDERSTANDING ON AT WHAT SITUATION A HOMIE FINDS HIMSELF IN. IT AIN’T MEANING THAT THEY AIN’T GOT NO CARE AT THEE, BUT JUST THAT THEY AIN’T GOT NO COMPREHENSIONS ON FOR IT.

KURLOZ: MOTHERFUCKERS GOTTA GET SCHOOLFED ON THAT SORTA SHIT AND KEEP AN OPEN MIND BEFORE THEY’RE ABLE WHAT TO BE OF HELP OF THEE ON AT THE UNCOUTH SITUATION THOU DOTH FIND THYSELF IN.

KURLOZ: THERE AIN’T NOTHING WRONG WITH THEE HOMIE. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. THOU GOTTA BE WHAT MAKES THOU THE HAPPIEST.

KURLOZ: GOTTA PRACTICE THY PATIENCE, BROTHER MINE. SURE, IT IS HARD, BUT THINGS WILL ONLY BE LIKE THIS FOR A FEW MORE SWEEPS. ONCE THOU DOTH GOT MORE CONTROL OF THINE OWN FREEDOM AND LIFE, THINGS WILL CHANGE, THINGS WILL GO FOR THE MOTHERFUCKING BETTER.

KURLOZ: I WOULDST ADVICE TO THEE WHAT TO FIND HOBBIES TO TRY AND DISTRACT THY PAN AWAY FROM WHAT PROBLEMS ILL AT THEE ALL MOTHERFUCKING HEINOUSLY. BE IT WRITING, OR ART, OR JUST ANYTHING MOTHERFUCKER, JUST DO IT.

KURLOZ: FIND PEOPLE WHO ART GOING THROUGH THE SAME MOTHERFUCKING SITUATION. FRIEND THEM. HAVE SOME MOTHERFUCKER IN THY LIFE WHO DOTH GOT SOME UNDERSTANDING OF THIS.

KURLOZ: I BELIEVE IN THEE, MOTHERFUCKER. SEEK GUIDANCE FROM THOSE WHO CAN LEND THEE A HELPING HAND.

KURLOZ: AND EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL MOTHERFUCKING RIGHT.

KURLOZ:

[askthepositivehomestucks]

I know I'm sending this in during the hiatus, and I know it probably wont be answered for a long time, which is fine, but I just wanted to write it down now while I'm feeling like I could actually send it. There are a couple of writers I'd like to answer it, but I don't want to put any additional pressure on anyone, so I'm not going to ask for them specifically. Plus, I know you all work very hard and I trust that whoever gets the ask will answer as best they can, and I'm very grateful to anyone who's willing to tackle this.

I've lost control of my life. I feel like it's spiralled so far out of control that I'll never be able to regain it, and it's entirely my own fault that I let it get this way. I tried to reach out recently to a depression helpline to see what I can do about getting diagnosed and getting help, which is an enormous step for me as a person who's spent six years toying with the idea that I might have depression. But they took long enough to respond that I was no longer feeling proactive and there was no way I was even going to try to contact any of the people or places they suggested.

I don't think I'm getting better. I don't think I ever will get better. And I don't think I'll ever be able to admit out loud that I'm sick. I don't know if I have depression or anxiety or something else entirely, but I'm sick, I can feel it and I know it and I don't think there's anything I can do about it and every time I consider trying to get help I just end up reminding myself of all the reasons I can't, and I know some of them are irrational and ridiculous but I can't stop myself from thinking them and no matter how hard I try I can't force myself to get help. I have friends, friends I can really trust, but I can't open up to them about this and every day that passes where I don't speak to them about it, where I pretend everything's okay, I feel more and more like a liar and a bad friend and it just makes me hate myself even more than I already do. 

I keep trying to be productive in my life but I never manage to get things done, and I don't feel like I have any goals or aims to push me along. I just don't care about anything. There's nothing I want to be, there's nothing I want to do with my life, I don't have some great ideal future to strive for. I just want to be alone and free to curl up in a bed forever. I don't want to have a family, I don't want to have a job, I don't want to grow up, I don't even want to leave my room. I'd be perfectly content with my life if I could just live in an apartment by myself and order groceries in and never have to leave - but to do that I'd need money, I'd need a job, and I'm never going to get a good job when I'm such an incompetent failure at everything I attempt. And even if I did, I'd have to leave my home for that, so I couldn't live that life of isolation. 

I don't really care about people outside a select few who are close to me, and I don't feel like I deserve those few in my life. They'd probably be much better off if I cut off contact because I'm just a deadweight interrupting their existence, but I'm too weak to even stop talking to them forever. I've tried it, and I didn't last more than a few months.

I don't know what to do with my life and I think I've already messed up enough that I don't have a secure future. I've just let go of my life and it's gotten much worse than I should have ever let it and I don't have the power to fix things now. I'm going to fail my course and end up with no degree, no job, no future, my family will hate me, my friends will probably grow to hate me in time, and then I don't where I'll be. I'll just be lost. I'm already lost. I can't remember what it feels like to not be lost.

ROXY: well id just like 2 start w saying i think u deserve a bit more luck in your future

ROXY: cause that all sucks

ROXY: a LOT

ROXY: tbh at least i had no choice to stay p much solitary

ROXY: ur head makin u feel & think that way is p lame of it

ROXY: bad bad head there give urself a break

ROXY: urself bein the heads thoughts ofc and not u actually

ROXY: u need a break from those messages u r sending to yourself

ROXY: obviously its not as easy as that

ROXY: (i wish)

ROXY: so instead ill start w the fact that u dont TECHNICALLY have to speak of your issues 2 anyone if u dont WANT

ROXY: cause theres always things called writing and flailing about and the like

ROXY: which tbh are p effective from my own standpoint

ROXY: did u kno the little chess ppl can understand english??

ROXY: i didnt til i tried communicating w em a different way since they cant actually talk

ROXY: or if they do its p quiet and ive never heard anything come from those lil mouths

ROXY: even tho ur parents and friends and all can OBVIOUSLY talk it doesnt mean u have to

ROXY: u could write what u wanna say on some paper or a sticky note

ROXY: u would b surprised how many of those still work 400 years into the future

ROXY: they must be made with some wacky chemical ykno

ROXY: ok ok sorry

ROXY: writing things will give u the element of control

ROXY: u can write it over and over again

ROXY: and when u feel comfortable u can show what u wrote to ur intended target w/o the need to speak clearly

ROXY: u could b totes stock still and theyd still b able 2 get ur message

ROXY: and imo that is the beauty of that method ;)

ROXY: like u have said tho u have TRIED 2 get some help

ROXY: it just hasnt rly worked out 4 u yet

ROXY: and hey thats completely fine

ROXY: not every1 is p successful their first go

ROXY: or 2nd or 3rd etc etc etc

ROXY: you get what im sayin right

ROXY: u def can get second chances in this world

ROXY: even if u think all of ur chances are washed up

ROXY: u never kno til u try again

ROXY: and that will b whenever u muster up the strength 2 fight again

ROXY: theres no need 2 immediately jump into action after hearin me out btw if you think thats where im goin w this

ROXY: thats def not the thing

ROXY: im just sayin that u have the option for whenever u want

ROXY: and whether u  it now or later wont b changin things

ROXY: things will change when u go 4 it

ROXY: and if u dont feel like u could handle it all rn then u dont do it

ROXY: theres p much no point where u will b w/o any rescue

ROXY: someone can always pop in and help when u expect it the least

ROXY: so givin up rly isnt an option here

ROXY: thats the one thing im not gonna let u do

ROXY: cause thats something that shouldnt b an option in the first place

ROXY: u can do it but its gonna take time

ROXY: and speakin of time u arent gonna keep losin people as the time goes by btw

ROXY: i cant stop u from thinkin it just because its ur own mind thats forcin those thoughts onto u

ROXY: im no good w the brain science stuff but i kno enough to realize most ppl rly cant be changed all of a sudden

ROXY: i also kno that u wont need to destroy ur personality or anything ofc

ROXY: cause breaking urself 2 feel better is the wrong way 2 handle any of this

ROXY: instead u have 2 take a slow approach

ROXY: maybe just take a minute or 2 and think 2 urself

ROXY: it will either help u or leave u the way u r ROXY: theres no downside 2 doin a little thinking

ROXY: if it doesnt help o well u at least gave it an effort

ROXY: but the result could give u a totes new way 2 feel a lil better

ROXY: 4 example maybe u can try 2 think thru one of those random ideas u have 2 make urself feel worse

ROXY: if u arent in the MIDDLE of fightin it when u think about it

ROXY: u might have more success than tryin 2 smash it down right when youre in the middle of it if u get what im saying

ROXY: so u might feel p lost right now

ROXY: but theres def more than enough time to fix that :o ROXY: and u will always have the friends u made at least 2 some extent

ROXY: since like u said u do understand their importance ROXY: u arent totes gone because u DO make an effort

ROXY: even if theyre kinda scattered and dont always work

ROXY: u have that advantage of tiny bits of drive

ROXY: and if they fall just right u might get a bit further than u think :3

[askthepositivehomestucks]

Hey guys. I just feel really alone recently. I don't have a whole lot of friends in my new state, and it seems like in the last few weeks the ones I do have don't want to talk to me or are less affectionate or generally like me less than I like them. Someone I considered one of my best new friends out and out just stopped responding to texts or hugging me when we cross paths. I don't know why, but they've been spending a lot of time with two new people, so I'm guessing it's because because they found new friends that I guess suit them better and will actually encourage their drug habit, even though we were super close before that. One of my friends seems to have stopped considering us that close after a small fight we had, which was resolved, but now they seem to just talk to me when they need to vent even though the fight was solely a misunderstanding. It's like they just decided to like me less for some reason? Another basically ignores me most of the time, and then pays me a lot of attention and I get all hopeful that things will go back to normal and then they go back to ignoring me again. I've been hanging out with the same two, three people all the time recently, and while they're great, we're really not that close and I feel like hanging around too much will make them get tired of me. They're nice to be with but our relationship is pretty superficial and they often are more eager to see each other than me, since they're closer. I don't have anyone nearby that I feel really loved by right now. I haven't gotten a proper hug in ages, I keep trying to make plans to hang out and getting dismissed or just told maybe with no effort to actually try and see me, and it's really hurting me. I don't want to act too needy and drive people further away but I'm getting lonelier and lonelier. I felt stable in the new place for a little while and it's like these last couple weeks I've lost that entirely. I'm also barely sleeping and not doing enough work because I'm sad and I can't focus. I keep trying to put myself out there looking for new people, but no one really seems that interested. It seems like my best friends in the area are just tolerating me when they feel like it. I know it's not good to have friends that care so little about you, but it didn't always use to be like this, and I really don't know what changed. I know it's usually just things going on in people's lives that have nothing to do with you, but it's happening all at once, and it seems like all my closest friendships are falling apart. I really don't think I've done anything, and I'm just trying hard to act normal so people don't know how needy I'm really feeling. I'm too scared to lose everyone altogether to confront people, because if it turns out it's all in my head I'll feel like an idiot and they'll get fed up with me.

ARADIA: anon, friendships arent always as permanent as wed like them to be

ARADIA: lets get that out of the way first

ARADIA: sometimes people change and sadly they dont always change for the better

ARADIA: that seems to be the case with the friends who just started hanging out with other people in your place :(

ARADIA: they might shape up sooner or later but its uncertain and if they dont care about you then frankly theyre not worth your time anyway

ARADIA: now your friend you had a fight with, thats a different story!

ARADIA: it might be that theyre misunderstanding your intentions as well

ARADIA: have you brought up that youre feeling ignored?

ARADIA: because that would probably serve you well

ARADIA: i doubt theres any malice or disdain involved there but i think it will help to be a bit more open about how you feel!

ARADIA: that applies to all your friends really

ARADIA: its super important to be open and honest in your friendships and indeed in all relationships you may have :)

ARADIA: its hard to confront people on this i know but youre going to have to or else youll never know whats up!

ARADIA: you cant just let it eat away at you and if you get it off your chest that should be a load off your mind to be honest

ARADIA: practice what youre going to say and try to be as nice as possible about it

ARADIA: im sure theyll understand!

ARADIA: as for it all happening at once

ARADIA: its unfortunate but sometimes thats just the way things go!

ARADIA: sometimes everythings peachy and sometimes everything seems to go wrong at once and sometimes its in between

ARADIA: life is funny like that

ARADIA: anyway i dont think youre being needy here

ARADIA: and i think your friends should understand when you tell them you feel kind of ignored!

ARADIA: if they dont then theyre not very good friends now are they

ARADIA: this too shall pass anon, and i hope it passes sooner rather than later but i know no matter what youll make it through :)

[askthepositivehomestucks]

excuse my awkwardness but what i have to say can't really be fit into an ask but i don't know if you have the submission box open so please nevermind if it turns out that it's not the case!

My current problem is... things are hard. I recognize people have way worse problems than this but getting up can be a burden sometimes.

I have been diagnosed with depression and some sort of anxiety - no one was particularly specific about what's happening on in my strange little head, though. I was in the mental hospital for a week, getting out mostly because I absolutely HATED that place and therefore begged my parents to get me out ASAP, no matter what. Thankful and regretful at the same time, both because I never want back in again.

After I got out, I started trying to break my shell a little. I was on some sort of medication for a few months before the official treatment was done. Unfortunately, all the other treatments were tooo. Sure, admittedly I did feel a whole lot better and I spent the summer somewhat content, but I still faced a lot of difficulties when it came to social interaction and going out and doing things. It seems like people, however, have forgotten I ever was depressed?

And so recently I started becoming more and more anxious? It all started when I took a good look at my (much lower than they were, before all this mess) grades, and just how little did I actually try. Knowing this kind of self-loathing was what led me to the mental hospital bed in the first place I hurried to see the school psychologist but uh, I have this problem in which I'm really bad at talking? She understood little, I wound up frustrated.

As hard as it was, I tried really hard not to hate myself because, I guess, people are imperfect? I mean, I understood that hating myself will not change much but it was difficult.

Remember how I mentioned getting up is a burden? Well so is working. Homework has become hell. And it's not that things I'm doing are so hard, I just can't face it. I freak out. I have a research paper that's about a week overdue by now, and that is not making me feel better about myself at all.

Something else that is doing *wonders* to my self-esteem; my parents. Or actually, someone else; my mother. While my father is the one that should be bothering me, given his alcohol problems, when he's sober he's a decent dad. I'm not saying my mum is terrible but she really isn't helping me at all.

She doesn't take me seriously at all, my wishes, my beliefs are all laughed at. I could bear it if she wouldn't like what I'm doing or what kind of person I am, but she DISMISSES EVERYTHING I HAVE TO SAY. I know, sometimes I can be a little silly, but I haven't done social interaction or independent choice making (she likes to do that for me, too), humor me please.

The only time she's serious is when I have done something wrong and it pisses me off quite a bit! She's incredibly quick to criticize me. And when I find it so hard to do work, she's quick to tell me all the possible consequences. She even prioritizes my marks over my physical and mental health, honestly. I mean, I admit I might be prone to overanalyzing my state and worrying about the slightest thing, but the way she reacts to my worries is so condescending and harsh.

I try my best to stop thinking in terms of "she needs to be nicer" and think of ways to just deal with her for now, up until i'm old enough to leave. I can't change people, and it probably makes sense for her? So it would be rude to interfere much but I'm just saying, it's bothering me a lot.

So right now in general I just try to keep on swimming but it's getting more and more difficult and i kind of really don't want to be swept by the current again so I'd appreciate some sort of advice, anything, from anyone. '

I hope this is coherent, I'm not too good at constructing sentences.

VRISKA: Let me give you 8 claps, that was very coherent and easy to read. Seeeeeeee? You're not totally incapa8le.

VRISKA: Look, I wish I could chuck some magic worry-8e-gone potion at you, 8r8k it on your head, and cure yours and all the other schmucks with these nasty mental conditions. 8ut that's dum8 wriggler fairytale shit, and it's not going to do jack squat for you here.

VRISKA: First, correct this part of your thinking: others have pro8lems, that doesn't make yours any less real. Some matters are a lot more pressing, 8ut come on, we're set up here to throw very poor and hypocritical advice at you humans for every ask that's sent to us.

VRISKA: Second, you already get what you're doing wrong. When you make a mistake, you sit there crying about it instead of getting up and fixing it. If you were a pir8, the only way to succeed is 8y shoving that negative emotion right off the fucking plank and setting sail windward. Otherwise you're a sitting duck going nowhere, getting sadder 8ecause you're seeing other poorly decor8ed and distastefully aubergine-colored ships sail past you. Solution? Practice 8reathing until you're calm and taking homework down. You can either continue w8sting time panicking a8out what's not done yet, or you could get started on it. Try to stop overthinking everything you're doing, and focus on the actual topic at hand. Otherwise, you're going to psych yourself out, and that sucks so 8ad.

VRISKA: Look, depression is something no one really knows how to solve completely, much less handle. People are afraid when they don't know how to handle something, and they'd prefer not to acknowledge it at all. You're totally 8lind to take that as a 8ad thing, though. If they treat you normal, it should help you feel normal.

VRISKA: Your mom's dealing the way she thinks will help. And frog for8id if a mom is wroooooooong in their methods, oh god no, that has to 8e the woooooooorst thing to happen in the universe. Ugh. Anyway, drop some hints that her prized methods are not helping. Give it to her str8, ask her to try something else. You can only hope from there. 8ut she is trying to motiv8 you, in her own special way. Try getting over that hill of how shitty it is first, then just take it as it's meant and focus on the important things: getting your shit done.

VRISKA: Your dad 8n't helping with your stress. Seriously, he should try taking 8etter care of himself. I mean, getting crunk on 8ooze is the 8est thing to do of age, right? 8ut even I was taught everything in moder8ion. Damn. That's something to address with your mom's 8ackup.

VRISKA: 8e 8rave, kid. This is a 8attle you have to stand and fight to win. 8elieving you can is the first step, 8ecause goddamnit if you don't get off your ass no one can do it for you. You'll stand as tall as you make yourself to 8e.

VRISKA: Try aiming for Marquise height. That should get you pretty close. :::;)

[askthepositivehomestucks]

My older sister told me today "no wonder you don't have friends, you push people away" and she tells me this a lot. along with my parents who also say it, but I don't push people away. I mean at least I don't think so. I'm just introverted and I have social anxiety so it's hard to talk to people sometimes. I've been though A LOT and that sometimes shows though. I've been having a lot more bad days then good and I don't know what to do about any of this. I don't want to push people away anymore.

ARADIA: thats pretty rude of your family :/

ARADIA: regardless of whether or not you have issues with that they shouldnt be mocking you for it!

ARADIA: i keep hearing about human families who are gross like that and its just so sad to me

ARADIA: i doubt my lusus wouldve been so nasty if she couldve talked!

ARADIA: social anxiety is a huge pain and its not something you can just “get over”

ARADIA: its something that  you have to take a day at a time

ARADIA: start small!

ARADIA: try to talk a bit more openly with people you trust

ARADIA: and if you cant do it immediately then thats okay too!

ARADIA: just build yourself up to a level where youre comfortable with it :)

ARADIA: as for pushing people away, if someone cant deal with you having been through a bunch then theyre probably not someone you want to be hanging around with anyway

ARADIA: you might benefit from asking your friends about the whole issue and getting them to tell you what they think, but that can definitely be hard to do face-to-face even if you dont have social anxiety

ARADIA: which is why things like email and im services are so useful here!

ARADIA: try composing the question in a text document and then sending it to a really close friend

ARADIA: of course that might get your anxiety levels up so its worth having something calming nearby when you do that

ARADIA: perhaps a favorite stuffed animal or a cup of herbal tea!

ARADIA: nepeta makes a really good chameowmile—i mean chamomile—and that always relaxes me :)

ARADIA: so like i said, take it one step at a time!

ARADIA: and if your friends have any advice then do take it to heart

ARADIA: im sure theyd love to help! :D

ARADIA: have a wonderful day, and remember that you deserve to feel safe and happy <3