#enlightenedandengaged

[konakafe]

Meditation helps us become fully aware of what is going on in the mind and body here and now. All too often, we sleepwalk through our days, musing about the past or daydreaming about the future. Mindfulness teaches us to cut through the fog and bring our focus to the present moment… When we remain mindful all the time, it's easy to make a choices. The mind is purified and becomes luminous. Every day that we practice mindfulness moves us closer to liberation - Bhante Heneplla Gunaratana . . . #meditative #mindful #freedom #glow #presentmoment #now #thepath #heartopener #enlightenedandengaged #mindbodyspirit #closeyoureyes #lookwithin (at Crunch Fitness - Park Ave.)

[konakafe]

Clues & Clarity

(Note: from August 2015)

You can’t search for clues all the time; you just have to allow them to appear over and over. Reminders are not failures of you not remembering — they’re gentle prods to wake you up again. We cannot be too alert all the time; the effort can be exhausting. But we can be listening and seeing. 

I’m not almost there. More importantly, I’m here. I was somewhere. I don’t need someone to repeat it to me as I’ve had this conversation all along. Maybe that’s what I needed — a mirror to go back inside knowing that everything is fluid and to find glory in that. I will keep following my current. 

I find no shame in allowing things to speak to me. My clarity comes from my confusion. For when the dust settles, that’s when I’ll shine…. the dots will align into a constellation. I’ll keep trying without trying too hard. I will be more open to receiving so I can give better. I’ve come this far.

[konakafe]

Home

We are all finding our way home. We are home and we just don’t know it. Our home is our heart. We feel at home when we feel a deep sense of peace and connectedness. 

[konakafe]

Why I’ve Started Talking to Myself

It’s not crazy. We do it all the time!

Thoughts are running amok in our head. So what I’ve realized I have to do is notice that they’re just voices. I separate and distance myself from the chatter. You almost have to be robotic to be human. 

Also, sometimes I’ll leave home and realize I haven’t spoken to a soul the whole day. Then my voice comes out like a croak. It’s kind of funny, actually! The other day I was feeling upset for some reason, I can’t remember now. I talked myself out of it by holding a conversation with myself out loud:

What’s wrong? I listened, like a friend would.  If the golden rule is to treat others as you would yourself...  Why not say a “good morning, beautiful” to yourself? 

[konakafe]

If Not Now, When?

Sometimes, I run into the “if/then” complex.  If I get this ____, then I’ll be happy.  But then we achieve this goal and we just move onto what we don’t have.  Or worse, we don’t achieve it and feel downtrodden for no real reason.  Instead of making happiness conditional, we can be find happiness NOW — whatever, however, wherever. 

Because if not now, when? 

[konakafe]

Confirmation & Community

I was sitting at Sunday mass when the next “class” of catachumens, or candidates, introduced themselves. They had sponsors and spoken intentions. They finished with “I am seeking Confirmation and Reception into the Catholic Church.” We applauded them. It’s different than looking for external validation. Whatever we declare unto ourselves, we can have a witness and find solace and support in a community that is welcoming, forgiving and nonjudgmental. We've walked the struggle before them and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I can’t wait to see them come Easter. 

[konakafe]

Uncle Charlie

(Note: From a Facebook conversation with one of my former colleagues)

Uncle Charlie: Little One,

Don't be quick to find fault in yourself.

Your heart is a wonderful garden, of course people want part of you. You feel the sunshine on your face, and the stormy weather, too. Gardens don't have to pitch, either... their gifts are there for those who perceive them.

As for your precious feelings, child... even sadness is a gift. The heart that cannot feel is no heart at all.

You're unique, Ko. There's no game plan for you. That's actually wonderful!

Always believing in you,

Uncle Charlie

Me: Your message is full of warmth and love. I feel so happy to know you. I don't mind being sad anymore; I feel like a sunflower just going with the light. I put myself out there sometimes so others don't feel alone. I keep a full heart and thank you for your belief. Hope you are well as well~

Uncle Charlie: "I put myself out there sometimes so others don't feel alone." That is the essence of what it means to be enlightened. It's not easy, but it does the most good.

We are always with you.

[konakafe]

B.

Note: From May 2015

Pirina: Just f- go to France.

Ko: That is literally what I’m writing down.

Pirina: Your future husband...

Ko: My future husband is somewhere near. I know it’s going to happen. I feel it. 

Pirina: You look pregnant (eyeing hand on stomach).

Ko: I’m pregnant (pause) with happiness.

Pirina: (whisper) But first a husband…

Ko: I’m going to be Mary-d.

I went to sleep with my hand on my beating heart. It was past midnight and I had come home from working on “The Path.”

I’ve been glowing more and more lately, thanks to the opportunities in front of me. Every once in a while I can’t believe this is my life. Occasionally I’ll have doubts or negative thoughts, then I brush them away with such gratitude and amazement. 

How do I get to travel to write, to create sequences to teach, to produce to serve? Everything has converged.

Lately I’ve been feeling so close to meeting “the one,” not to put too much pressure on it. But I keep meeting awesome guys who have great girlfriends. Then one day you’ll find someone who doesn’t have one.

I cross paths with B. last night at our social event. Can’t say it’s love at first sight. He can barely see me with the sun squinting into his eyes so I turn down the blinds for him as a group is sitting in a beautiful, simplistically luxurious apartment in Soho. The sun is setting and I feel golden in this space.

Something about the night feels like the high of summer. I look out onto the city skyline. I talk to B. who’s loving the vegetables on the tables of this rooftop terrace. We get to talking about our past relationships. I ask him personal questions. He admits how he was very lonely, and became co-dependent. I tell him how I rushed and now I’m just in a good place. I mentioned Simon. And I add: he was someone special.

We hug. It feels nice. It’s not instant shocking chemistry. It’s that kind of envelopment only available through intimacy. I know we are both at points to settle down while moving. He’s going around the world with “The Brotherhood.” I tell him about my upcoming travels to Alaska and France, and how I turned down the opportunity to get on “Remote Year.”

Before he leaves, I hold his hand and tell him I don’t know if and when I’ll see him again, but I wish him so much happiness. He is a good person. I don’t ever want him to feel alone. His eyes are so soft and kind.

I don’t want to jump ahead of myself.

I tell Pirina “I don’t know if I met my husband… but I met someone’s husband. He’s amazing.”

She replies “Maybe he is your husband.”

B. had mentioned how they say people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I hope someone’s here to stay for a long time, near and far. After a bit of back and forth, I send him a daring message before I leave the country for the homeland.

This whole throwing spaghetti on the wall seems to weed out what sticks and who doesn’t. Sometimes, it’s timing. Sometimes the tomato paint isn’t the right sauce.