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by Jenna Ushkowitz

If you ask most adoptees, there are a few questions you learn to get used to: “Are you curious about your birth parents? Have you always known you were adopted?” Well, all I knew was that they chose to “get me” and I was a “little gift from God.” I knew I was loved and it didn’t matter that we didn’t look alike, I was accepted and supported infinitely. That was enough for me. For the few uninformed kids at school who made fun of my slanty eyes or unfamiliar looking parents, it bounced off me like rubber and stuck like glue… somewhere else.

Witnessing other kids being bullied without the armor I had developed, taught me the importance in being kind to everyone. I mean everyone. For example, if I had a birthday party everyone from class was invited. Mom taught me that. From long before I can remember, I was habituated to be extremely empathetic in friendships, work relationships and now expanding that to a societal and even global level. Adoption evokes similar emotions in individuals from every background and culture. It has a global reach that connects people from all over the world. My experiences gave me the means to run a foundation for those seeking a place of support and acceptance.

Starting Kindred was very organic for Samantha and I. After the ‘Twinsters’ Kickstarter Campaign launched, there was an overwhelming outreach of adoptees who were inspired to share their stories. We felt provoked to start Kindred as quickly as possible. There was an urgent need from those wanting a community where people understood what they were going through. Connecting with our Kindred Family and hearing their stories of bravery has been the most rewarding experience. It has become a vital part in my understanding of human connection and my passion for empathy in creating a better world.

I believe that being kind to one another and having a keen sense of awareness will elevate your life and attract individuals with a similar outlook. If we put on the lens of the person next to us, we are able to see the world in a different way. Think about living like that everyday, connecting with the people you encounter. Imagine seeing your life through their lens – it makes for a heightened level of mindfulness. It grants us space to grow as individuals and expand together towards a kinder world of tolerance and selflessness.

Family extends beyond blood. In our efforts to bring the Kindred/Adoption Community together, we believe that Family has no boundary. Kindred’s mission is to provide individuals with the courage and support to share this message. They say, “You don’t choose your family.” But, in fact, we do. I think we choose who we get to bring into our cozy little families, perhaps because I was chosen to be brought into mine. That is why we believe that Kindred extends to more than just adoptees but to an incredibly large community.

More than 3 out of 5 people are touched by Adoption in some way. This is why Kindred is a community for birth moms, parents, siblings and friends. I will take my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law, cousins, aunts, uncles, best friends, confidants, and mentors and call them all family because I feel a bond with these humans that is unbreakable. I know I can speak for Samantha as well when I say that blood or DNA isn’t what ties us together, it’s the connection of our hearts. Using these very personal tools to spread our message gives us that personal experience and access to understanding when it comes to connecting with our Kindred family.

We recently launched a blog to give anyone in the Kindred Family a place to tell their story. This shows people that they are not alone. Each courageous journey makes us laugh, smile, cry and sometimes pulls at our hearts. We have had some incredible individuals reach out to us over the past 9 months with their stories, including one of our extraordinary volunteers, Rachel. She wrote about her journey in making the brave and difficult decision to give her child up for Adoption. During this challenging time, she received so much love and support that she felt compelled to give back to the community by speaking with potential adoptive parents to guide them through their new chapter.

“Adoption is meant to bring people together, not to create opposing sides. My fears are erased by the hope that when my daughter and her family are ready, we can establish meaningful relationships. Hope is what keeps me moving forward every day without her. Thankfully, I’ve found hope is far more powerful than fear.”

It’s people like Rachel that give Kindred the constant motivation to continue to create a community where adoption becomes a circle of giving back, spreading the message that there are no boundaries when it comes to family. Each of us strives to be a part of something larger than ourselves, and this community creates that.

I like to use this metaphor for my life: imagine you’re on a train. Sometimes it’s going so fast that you can only see glimpses of the passing landscape, and when you come to a grinding halt at a new station you can look out and appreciate the land around you. The people on your train can be friends, family, strangers and sometimes at different stops you lose passengers and gain new ones. Family and friends can come and go as the connection moves in directions that you couldn’t have predicted. We make the conscious decision for who comes in and out of our own little families throughout our lives.

Practice bringing in those that enhance your life. If we make the conscious decision to bring in those we want to surround ourselves with – the most fitting and supportive individuals – we will become our best selves and help create a happier and more elevated human race. Let’s all try to be kinder and have more gratitude and empathy. We could all afford to be more conscious about understanding others on this journey toward a better you and a better world.

“TRY TO BE A RAINBOW IN SOMEONE’S CLOUD.” – MAYA ANGELOU

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