Oof, some of y’all are just going for the throat with these asks.
My first impulse is to say that I don’t really abandon fandoms - if I like something enough to invest (emotionally or otherwise), I never stop liking it. I was going to follow that statement by talking about some grumpier, more personal things in recent fandom experiences, but now that I’ve slept on it I’m realizing there’s a much easier answer.
Check Please fandom.
I still love the canon material - I’ve been a patron of Ngozi’s for years, I own multiple copies of each of her books, I adore Jack Zimmermann, and the end of the story (which came out last month!) made me sob genuinely ugly tears. A queer story with a happy ending?????? An actual complete, wonderful, fulfilling, joyous, affirming, hopeful happy ending? What is this? I don’t know what to do with this!!
But I don’t like the fandom. And obviously, yeah, yeah, I don’t mean everyone, and there are definitely people it’s fun to see in patreon and discord and stream chats, but...I’ve fully stopped reading fic or even looking up art/meta/etc.
I mentioned in another one of these posts last night that I got hate on my Check Please blog about an entirely different fandom, and it was part of what ultimately drove me away from tumblr.
Since my blog (and my love for the story) was centered around Jack, I also got entangled in a fair amount of very frustrating arguments from Kent Parson stans. (Jack’s ex, barely present in the comic, really only in the story to provide boosts to move Jack’s and Bitty’s narrative forward.)
I...am not going to go into detail about any of that, but there is a Reason ngozi doesn’t really talk about Parse in public anymore and didn’t post her final Parse & Bitty Having An Important Conversation comic online. It’s an absolutely wonderful update (it’s in the published book, still available to read), and it was 100% super satisfying in affirming how I’d always understood the characters within the story Ngozi was telling, but my goodness, Parse stans cannot DEAL with the idea that Parse was ever in any way in the wrong in anything in his entire life.
Anyway. Yeah. I’ve read some wonderful zimbits fics, and I wouldn’t mind reading more, but it was better for me to just step away from the fandom entirely. And since this is a case where canon gave me pretty much everything I wanted, I didn’t really need fandom to fill in the gaps and fix things for me. It’s rare and wonderful for canon material to do that in such a fully satisfying way.
So I just focus on my other fandoms that badly need that extra material, haha!
M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?I’ve got one that I’ve started but is kind of languishing on the backburner that I’m co-writing with @keyofmgy where Jemma is among the first group of women to be admitted to university in the UK in the 1860s, where she meets fellow student Fitz. It crosses over with two character’s from Key’s fandom (The Terror) who are getting the happy ending they deserved.
I’m writing my fluffy Mediterranean holiday fic right now, but there’s also the FS witness protection AU I tinkered with, and the one where I took the premise of a Framework and attempted to make it fluffy, but I’m not sure if those two will ever see the light of day.
N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?Ummmmm not particularly? I don’t think? I do wish there was more FS reunion/post-reunion fic or second wedding fic out there, and I would certainly do it myself, but I’ve got plenty on my plate to be going with at the moment. I’m always excited to see more FS fic, though.
my request is wolf derek comforting stiles, pretty please
Thank you so much for the prompt, and I hope you enjoy it <3
When Stiles opened his bedroom door, he wasn’t that surprised to see Derek sitting in the corner. It was his normal whenever he showed up unannounced to Stiles’ house - which was more often than Derek would admit to - but this time there was one thing different that had Stiles faltering in his zombie-like movements.
Derek was fully shifted.
He sat in the chair fully shifted into a massive black wolf like it was nothing. Like it was normal. How the fuck was that normal? Apparently, in this life, it was normal. Obviously.
“I would make a dog joke, but I’m too–” Stiles didn’t even bother finishing his sentence with words; he simply waved (read: flailed) his arm and hand around to get his point across.
It apparently worked because Derek simply huffed and jumped - yes, jumped - to the bed. He sat next to Stiles after he had fallen into the messy sheets and peered down at him with familiar eyes. Stiles met his eyes for a second and then looked away, unable to make eye contact for too long because he knew if he did, he’d be fucked.
“I wish everyone would stop with the kicked puppy eyes,” Stiles said. “No pun intended, I swear, but fuck, I’m fine, what else do I need to say?”
Derek rolled his eyes to the ceiling and plopped himself down next to Stiles, laying his head on his paws and giving the tip of his tail a flick into Stiles’ thigh as an answer. If that wasn’t enough, Derek narrowed his eyes at Stiles, giving him a low growl.
Stiles sighed, and Derek knew he won.
“Okay, fine, maybe I’m not exactly fine.”
Derek took that as a victory and nudged Stiles’ arm with his nose, urging him on. A quiet huff escaped from Derek as well as he inched his huge form closer to Stiles’ body, getting lost in the heat that Stiles’ gave off. It was addicting.
“Yeah, my dad got hurt on the job. Yeah, he’s in the hospital after an emergency surgery. Yeah, I know there isn’t much for me to do except for him to wake up, but what if he doesn’t–”
Stiles’ voice cracked near the end and Derek almost whined at the fear in it. Stiles was obviously hurting, effected by what happened to his dad, but he’d been playing it up like it was nothing. Everyone around Stiles had given him looks of sadness and sorrow for the last week, and Stiles was at his breaking point.
He was tired from spending night and day in the hospital. He was tired just watching his dad in that hospital bed, not knowing if he was going to wake up from the medically induced coma he’d been put under after surgery to reduce the strain on his body. He was tired from answering the Pack’s questions left and right. He was tired from explaining the details over and over again to people that came in to visit. He was tired.
He couldn’t handle it anymore.
“I can’t imagine what you went through, Derek.”
It was a loaded statement, but Derek knew what Stiles was trying to say. So Derek did the only thing he could think of in that moment, and stuck to the idea before he talked himself out of it.
He stood up on the bed and proceeded to drape himself across Stiles’ lap. His head rested against Stiles’ shoulder while his front paws were placed with one on Stiles’ shoulder and the other against his upper arm, like he was hugging him. His back legs were still on the bed, but between Stiles’ legs, and his tail was curling around Stiles’ knee.
He’d basically made himself a big, furry blanket. And honestly, he didn’t mind it one bit. He kinda liked it, really. Of course, he wouldn’t tell Stiles - or anyone for that matter - about it, though.
“God, you’re fucking heavy dude!” Stiles complained but made no moves in trying to get Derek to get off of him. In fact, Stiles started petting the tip of Derek’s tail with one of his hands. It was a start.
They stayed like that for a while. Derek made no other sounds or actions in trying to further Stiles talking through his concerns and problems like Derek knew he needed. Derek could wait.
He had no idea how much time had past but just as Derek’s eyes had began to drift shut, Stiles heaved a sigh and cleared his throat.
“What if he doesn’t wake up, Derek?” Stiles’ voice was a whisper, but it sounded like it had been shouted to Derek. “What if he declines? What if he’s different after this? What if… what if I lose him?”
It was a loaded questioned - all of them were - but Derek knew the last one was the biggest thing Stiles was going through at that time. What if I lose him like I lost my mom?
This time, Derek did whimper as he tucked his muzzled into the crook of Stiles’ neck. He smelt the saltiness of the tears before he felt them hit the side of his face. He whined again as he brushed his nose against the column of Stiles’ throat, perfectly hearing the hitch in his breaths as Stiles started sobbing.
It’s what he needed, and really, he was glad Derek was there.
“I can’t lose him, Derek. I’ve lost so many people, and I just– I can’t lose my dad, too.”
Derek just laid there, whining every so often when Stiles’ scent flared with a sudden spark of sadness or anxiety. He laid there when Stiles’ hands slowly got further and further up on Derek’s form. He laid there when Stiles gave in and clung to Derek openly. Derek even rolled off of him so Stiles could curl around him, burying his face into Derek’s fur and sobbing to his heart’s content.
Derek could only lay there and give him the support he needed in that moment. Later, when he was human again, he’d do it all over for Stiles if he needed it. But now, Derek let himself be the comfort.
Time passed by and slowly but surely Stiles’ sobs had turned into sniffles and eventually stopped completely.
When Stiles raised himself into a sitting position again, Derek did the same.
“I’m okay now, I promise.”
Derek gave a huff in acceptance when he didn’t detect any sort of lie in the statement. Still, he raised a paw and placed it on Stiles’ thigh, narrowing his eyes and giving him a look that hopefully got across. He even tilted his head to the side and everything.
“Yeah, yeah, okay. Don’t bottle it up again, got it,” Stiles waved a hand at Derek’s glaring gaze, quickly pulling his fingers back when Derek playfully snapped at them. “God, okay, fuck! I promise!”
Content with Stiles’ answer, Derek flashed his eyes red with a small growl. He took a second to think about what to do next and heaved a huge sigh of his own, mentally saying fuck it to himself and draped himself back over Stiles’ thighs. If it was brought up later on, Derek could just say that it was the only way he knew Stiles would rest because anyone could see the bags under his eyes.
When Stiles’ hands went to move him, Derek rumbled deep in his chest, settling further onto Stiles’ thighs and thwapped his tail down against the bed.
“I still need cuddling, apparently, huh?” Stiles scratched his head before shrugging and moved them both into a more comfortable position.
Derek was curled around Stiles’ top half of his body. Stiles had his head resting slightly on Derek’s furry chest while Derek had his head near Stiles’ feeling his warm breaths on his muzzle. Derek’s tail was across Stiles’ side, tucked under his arm. The position made Stiles feel safe for once in a blue moon.
It was nice enough that the moment he relaxed into the sheets, he knew he’d be out like a light in minutes.
“After I wake up, we’re cuddling for real - with you human, if you’re down with that,” Stiles mumbled the words as his eyes shut.
He smiled when he heard Derek’s rumbling answer and knew everything would be okay. Maybe not the next day, or for weeks, but in the end, Stiles knew that no matter what happened, he would have someone to go to if a breakdown was inevitable.
“Thanks, big guy.”
Stiles fell asleep to Derek pressing his nose under his jaw.
