#ernestine tidalbaum

[brevetchronicle]

From the Archive: Halloween, Kids and no-Covid

You know how we hate to miss a good story. Somehow this never made it publication, and we just didn’t feel it was fair. Given our limited staff, we promise that anything that gets written published. In case you forgot about last years Halloween here’s a reminder. 

Halloween. A  time where we teach our young children to celebrate all things macabre, and suspend all parental warnings to not take candy from strangers, is joyous no longer. Rather, in this day and age of COVID, a most beloved holiday has the ability to spur on our global health crisis. Or town has been lucky in that there have been no reported cases as confirmed by town doctor Dr. Georgina Hopper. But in a unprecedented sound move, Mayor Wilty called an emergency meeting of the city council; Dr. Hopper; and George Percy, Superintendent of Parks and Recreation-in effort to keep Brevet COVID infection free. The topic? How to ensure a safe Halloween for all. We caught up with Mayor Wilty to find out what the group’s plan of action is.

“This was a very difficult decision. At first we thought of cancelling Halloween. Can you imagine? As a candy lover myself, this was difficult to fathom. But.... then Georgina reminded us all that particularly now, we need a way to foster community and bring some celebratory aspect to our lives in the wake of this pandemic. That got our juices flowing. After much ideation-a term the newer tech folks use-we decided to host Halloween outside in the town square. We’ll have cauldrons (to be in the spirit of things-no pun intended) stationed throughout the square filled with candy. This was President Glidman’s idea, which is quite good.” Then Mayor Wilty whispered, “I think it came naturally to her because she’s part witch.” Mayor Wilty then asked us to leave that latter part out of which we declined, because he cknew we were, on the record. Clearly no love remains lost between these two elected officials. 

“Children will have to use latex gloves, which we’ll provide. They’ll have to stand in single file line, at six feet distance, to partake of the candy. It will be on the honor system. Two pieces per child only! Some of us will be policing to make sure of it.” That didn’t sound like the honor system to us.

We reached out to George Percy to get his take on the idea, since the town square falls within his purview. 

“I think it’s a good idea. But no one’s told me where I’m supposed to get these magical life sized caldrons. I have a degree in urban planning not holiday crafting. Where is the money coming from for all of this? Our entertainment and other tax basis have been non-existent for months due to this pandemic.” 

Never the one to ignore the negative practicalities of things, we posited Percy’s question to Deputy Mayor Ernestine Tidelbaum. “We’re being creative given our revenue shortfalls. We’ve instituted the school’s theater department to see if there are any props we can use or be outfitted for our plans. We’re also looking into reusing some sets, to really set the All Aallows Eve ambience. They have been more then willing to devote their time and expertise to make this reality for the kids. Unpaid! We have some great town’s people!” This sounded like a great idea and good use of currently unused resources. When asked if this was shared with Superintendent Percy, Deputy Mayor responded, “Of course not. What would a holiday be without a crabby Percy? It’s tradition. Tradition is important in Brevet.”

There you have it Brevetarians. Halloween is on! We look forward to seeing you and your kids in the town square.  

[brevetchronicle]

Brevet Misses Christmas Snow Fall

Brevetarians were concerned leading up to Christmas, and rightfully so. The question on everyone's lips was, "Would there be snow," for the big day? In years past Brevetarians could count on Christmas snow, like they could count on practical gifts under the tree. Socks. Packets of underwear. Long johns. And a power tool to make the upcoming summer's household project that much easier, if not exciting. Christmas proved practicality was still in tact, but Mother Nature was not. Brevetarians opened their presents in the absence of snowflakes accumulating outside their window. As as result, there were less kids outside; fewer dogs rolling on their backs; no husbands cussing under the roar of the snowblower; and not a single mother's directive to "Call us when you get home dear, so we know you arrived safely." Mother Nature wasn't the only thing that changed, so did City Hall. "I pledge to prepare for next Christmas. I'll work closely with our local meteorologist. If it looks like there won't be snow for Christmas, we'll just ship in some, or make it if we have to." says Mayor Harrell Wilty. "Home's were just a little less homey, and the town a little less towny this Christmas without the snow." When asked how the town could afford the expense of importing or making snow, given that just last year Mayor Wilty cut the amount of time the town's holiday lights could sparkle, he led us to Deputy Mayor Ernestine Tidalbaum. "2019 is a new year. Anything's possible. Isn't it exciting!?" Given the Deputy Mayor's response, this reporter thought it fruitless to inquire about whom the the town's meteorologist may be. 

Despite the lack of Christmas snow, all in all Brevetarians told us they had a beautiful Christmas with family and friends. The one constant, year after glorious year. 

[brevetchronicle]

Less Than a Week before Christmas and Brevetarians are Less than Bright

It’s not hard to miss. Any Brevetarian and out-of-town family member can see that the town is not shining as bright as it used to. Small towns, like ours, are known for one sure thing and that is our light bright holiday town square. But not this year.  It has Brevetarians hopping mad. So we went to Mayor Harrell Wilty for answers and received this reply from spokeswoman and unofficial “Deputy Mayor” Ernestine Tidalbaum:

 “Ask George.”

That is what we did. We reached out to Superintendent of the Park and Recreation Board, George Percy for comment. 

“Lights burn money. Lots of money. I know that during the holidays we throw ecomonomic caution to the wind. But we couldn’t this year. The board and I had to make an executive decision, given the budget cuts that good’ol Mayor Wilty handed us on a crap platter. Our great grand town square lights for over a month starting at Thanksgiving? Or our great grand lights from December 20th through New Year’s Eve?” We chose the latter. That was the executive decision if you didn’t get that.”

You heard it hear first. Our town square will be shining bright once again starting tomorrow, December 20th. But Superintendent Percy wasn’t finished.

“Politics matter, even in a small town. I would tell all Brevetarians if you weren’t paying attention to the goings on, you best pay attention now! Because these politics affect your way of live’in. No mulah no lights. That simple. You ask Mayor Wilty about that! Merry Christmas!”

We went back to Mayor Wilty for comment based on the Superintendent’s allegations. Ms. Tidalbaum had this to say on his behalf:

“Balancing a budget is always hard. Heck, most normal folks can’t do it. That shows how hard it is. Sacrifices have to made. But isn’t that what Christmas is all about? The real reason for the season? Necessary, but ultimately magnificent sacrifices.” 

This reporter is uncomfortable with a religious response to a budgetary inquiry. We’re guessing Brevetarians will be too. Either way we’d like to hear what you think about the nights the lights weren’t as bright in Brevet. You can tweet us your opinion at Twitter @BrivetChronicle.  

[brevetchronicle]

From Crappy to Crappie

For you Brevetarians who don’t know how to drain your toddler’s energy into a restful night’s sleep for you and your spouse, or are running out of places to put floaties on your child-sign them up for the Swimming Crappies (not to be confused with the word “Crappy”). Practices begin at Monday, June 6 from 5:30 pm-6:30 pm. We spoke to Ernestine Tidalbaum, longtime coordinator of the Crappie league and asked her to tell us more about this summer’s Crappie goal. 

“It all depends on the child’s Crappie level. We have three. Crappie level one is for children who cannot swim, are afraid of the water, or their parents think they can swim but really they are still crappy Crappie swimmers. Our certified swimming teachers (all of whom are also certified in CPR, lifeguarding, and life coaching) aim to get our beginning Crappies comfortable with the water and swimming. The little Crappies achieve this by: letting go of the edge of the pool, and swimming a length of the pool aided or unaided by a teacher. We particularly find the skills associated with life coaching very transferrable to our young swimmers and their goals. 

Crappie level two is focused on getting the young “fish” swiming the pool lengths completely unaided, and diving and jumping in the pool (in the deep end of course-we learned our lesson in the begining adult Bass league on that one).   

Once a crappie reaches level three (the last young swimmer level), they will start their journey into competive swimming. We’ll work on treaching them various stroke and breathing techniques, while increasing their fitness and endurance levels so they can enter the Smallmouth Bass league.”

We asked Ernestine the average age for each Crappie level. 

“Level one is 5 or 6 years old, level two is 8 or 9 years old, and level three is about 10 years old.” 

Can kids be held back if need be? 

“Absolutely. A child’s saftey and our reputation in the swimming community are paramount in our minds. A crappy Crappie is never moved to level 2. A level 2 Crappie is never moved to level three until he or she shows the shark within.”   

To sign your child up for the Crappie league go to the Brevet Parks, Recreation and Nature website. Registration closes on Friday, June 3 at 4:30 p.m.