#erwin smith yapping

[riewritten]

i been telling u guys i been TELLING u guys

[riewritten]

PREMISE: The Commander intercepted the fluster-letter intended for your friend, and now he wants to see the end of it.

You stood stiffly as the Commander visited the tavern you work at, your heart hammering against your ribs. You had realized your mistake the moment the messenger left, but it was too late. The letter—that letter filled with ridiculous sexual innuendos and nonsense meant solely to make your friend in the Scout Regiment choke on their tea—is now being flashed discreetly in front of you by none other than the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps.

Erwin sat at the stool in front of you, his attire more casual than the night suggests, yet he still remains the very picture of composure. His blonde hair is parted neatly as always, his icy blue eyes scanning you as you looked at the parchment in pure horror.

"Oh, god, Commander, I—" you started, desperate to snatch the paper away.

"Shh, stay there," Erwin commanded softly, his expression cordial. Too cordial, as if he had waited an entire day to tease you about this nonchalantly.

And because he used that voice, you just felt yourself sinking down the floor. The tavern is now a mud and is sipping your shameful of an existence tormentingly slow. The silence between you stretched, broken only by the sound of Erwin turning a page. Finally, he lowered the letter to the desk. He didn't look angry. In fact, a small, barely perceptible smile played on his lips.

"I must admit," Erwin began, his deep voice smooth, "I was quite surprised to find such... spirited correspondence addressed to me this morning."

"It wasn't for you!" you blurted out, immediately regretting the volume. "It was a mistake. Please, just burn it."

“A mistake, hm?” Erwin hummed, tapped a finger against the bar table, looking at you with that gaze that made you feel like he could see right through you. Then, when he saw how embarrassed you were getting, he shook his head with a chuckle. “Just kidding. No worries, I know that much.”

“Oh, god,” you let out a sigh of relief. “Please, please forgive me and forget whatever’s written there. That doesn’t define me as a character, I merely wanted to fluster my friend before their Regiment induction.”

But, much to his amusement, the Commander toned down a bit just to jab the wound into you even harder. He picked up the letter again, his eyes now gleaming with mischief. "Although, I found the third paragraph particularly... inventive. 'If you were a titan, I'd let you eat me just to see if—'"

“Holy walls!” you buried your face in your hands. "Please don’t read that outloud!"

Erwin chuckled—low, rumbling, and seemed to vibrate in the air. "You have a vivid imagination. I rarely see such unrestrained passion from the one who quietly serves me my ale each week."

He scooted nearer then, leaning towards you, his glass on his hands. “However," he said, his voice dropping an octave, "I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy."

You peeked through your fingers. "Sorry?"

"That your friend receives such... dedication," the Commander muses, tilting his head. "To think you possess such bold thoughts, yet you keep them hidden away." He leaned in closer, invading your personal space just enough to make your pulse race. "Tell me, if you intended to fluster the recipient, do you think you would’ve succeeded with me?"

Your mouth went dry. "I... I don't know."

"Perhaps," Erwin whispered, his eyes teasing but focused solely on you, "you should write one for me next time. I’d be very interested to see if you can make me blush as well."

Before you could respond, he straightened up and drank the last bit of his ale, his casual mask sliding back into place as if nothing had happened. As if he didn’t just pull your gut open by saying something like that. He held the letter out to you.

"Here you go. And do try to check the recipient next time. I would hate for the MPs to intercept your... creative writing." As if your innuendoes are treasure and he wanted nobody else seeing them.

[riewritten]

are you guys gonna eat up an online tutor!eeader and a single dad!erwin where he practically begged to enroll his only daughter in your tutorial center because his motherfucker of a child is so spoiled that other centers outright reject her (as if every tutorial center in town has a shared blacklist excel file in their humble offices and that kid is number one on the list) and LIKE of course your boss just threw this assignment at you because you're relatively new to the job and she knew you were desperate enough for a job that you'd thank her for this hell

and like the first time dadwin watches your session with his daughter through the screen...... you accidentally teach a concept incorrectly and ERWIN, of all people, corrects you on the spot ⁉️😭

and then things start going downhill from there because he asks you point-blank what degree and year level you're even in, saying there's no way you're a graduate (which, to be FAIR to this old fart, he just means that you look too young oKAY?!) but being the already anxious teacher that you are you almost cry on the spot 😭

EVENTUALLY, erwin realizes that the online mode of teaching isn't effective for his daughter at all. so, he practically begs your boss to take her in as a special case and let her do FACE-TO-FACE lessons. like. what the FUCK. you applied to this tutorial center primarily because it operates on pure remote setup and you wanted to save on transpo fare! also that's not even possible because the center has no physical office 😭 turns out commander smartass would even go so far as to suggest his own house. like OKAY SIR?!??! WHAT COULD GO WRONG RIGHT????

[riewritten]

my insta feed showing this to me as if it’s saying i should put my breeding kink to good use

can definitely see erwin saying this mid-se—[GUNSHOTS]

[riewritten]

it's either i off myself or i erwinify this quote from 1939

[riewritten]

Would you consider one day writing a modernAu!Erwin HC living in today's world? What would his routine be like? What kind of music would he like?-Did he listen to music? Would he ever go on dates? Favorite movie, food, job, opinions, favorites, etc. As my favorite Erwin writer and I think you have a good understanding of the canon character and I would love to see you write about him and how he would live in modern life

In fact, one of the first things that came to my mind before I wrote this to you was what he was doing on a daily basis, what his life was like before he met Mc in DItB, and it made me wonder what kind of a man Erwin would be if he were a modernAu AJSNSNSNSJ

sorry it took me this long... this ask came to me even before i closed my request box...

◇ daily routine !

Wakes absurdly early — 5 or 5:30 a.m. — just to have the quiet before the day starts.

Black coffee, a half-finished book or the news, his notes laid out in neat rows (but always with a mess of scribbles in the margins). He also checks his planner and to-do lists often because having lots to take care of can make him forget minuscule things. He often keeps small sticky note with your name and or something you said that made him think! Nerd.

He’d hold a job with weight — liberal arts professor, researcher, or teacher like his father. He may be a known activist on the side, even. Someone who's not afraid of expressing views that some may deem controversial especially if he knows he's right. Whatever they may be, it's a job that demands strategy, trust, and long-term vision. He’s the person others lean on when stakes are high.

Lunch is often skipped or plain — a sandwich he half-finishes while reviewing reports. But when someone appears at his door with food, he actually stops to eat.

He walks or takes the train home when he can — not because he’s frugal, but because that’s his thinking time. He likes watching the city move, thinking things through, and carrying everyone’s burdens so they don’t have to.

◇ music !

Does he listen to music? Yes, but selectively — and almost privately. He doesn’t have playlists blasting on speakers. He'd prefer listening through earbuds while in public.

He once read a research during his college days that cello suites, piano, old jazz without lyrics can help one's mind focus. And as a nerd that he is, he'd take that advice to heart. Expect him to play these on loudspeaker while he's working.

But as an old soul, you’ll catch him with Billy Joel, Engelbert, Cansas, and Matt Monro. He's quite shy about it, though, for he listens to it whenever he wants to be reminded of his father.

◇ dates !

Rarely — and only if he means it. Erwin’s not casual with people’s hearts or his own. Well, he might've tried having casual dates during his prime but it's more of Nile's influence. He eventually figured out it's not for him.

He’s not oblivious — he just won’t let himself be presumptuous. So if you love him? Tell him. Then tell him again. He’ll test it gently, carefully — and when he believes it, he’ll be yours in a way no one else ever could be. He notices everything but never assumes unless it comes out straight from your mouth.

He’s the kind of man whose hand will brush yours, eyes soft, and once it's time to leave he'd say “Get home safe,” like it’s a promise he’ll keep.

When he does date you, it’s intentional. He moves slowly, respects boundaries, but you’d feel his warmth in the way he remembers, adjusts, and points out your patterns (even those you'd care less to remember). He'd remember all your favorites. And maybe even the way your eyes change when you’re tired.

No grand shows of affection — but a hand brushing yours under the table? His thumb tracing your knuckles? That’s him insinuating, “I’m here. I choose this.”

Once he warms up to you so well he might as well lay himself bare, expect a physical touch lover maniac, most especially when he's tired. He prefers indoor dates (cooking together, cuddling, movie nights), so be sure to remind him to keep his hands to himself when he stops being too conscious about it.

He'd be so down bad with your smell. He'd love nuzzling his sharp nose through the crook of your neck, or sniffing your hair on random moments (he'd even close his eyes as he does, dramatic as he is lol)

◇ opinions !

He loves having an opinion. He finds it fun to learn more about the world history and how it reflects to the current geopolitical situation. He does all that during his spare time. Nerd.

Is supportive of strikes, unions, and acknowledges that in a lot of places in the world, people are robbed of their lands/starved by a corrupted government and therefore compelled to join resistance movements to defend themselves.

People among his circle sometimes find it difficult to agree with him, but when he strikes them with, "At the end of the day, we're not the one being displaced or deprived of our rights. Who are we to judge what people in such situation must do in order to survive?" And... uh... let's just say they tend not to bring it up again (Erwin's one step away from convincing them).

◇ entertainment !

Old historical dramas that make him sit in the moral gray. Also secretly loves old black-and-white films where silence says more than words.

When someone finally convinces him to have a Netflix subscription, he'd be obsessed with documentaries for a while. Nerd.

Watching out-of-touch/conservative political analysts on Youtube just to piss himself off. You'd see it in the way his eyebrows crunch and his befuddled look as if he's wondering who raised these people that they ended up this dumb.

◇ favorite things !

Autumn. His phone gallery is soooo full of it when it's the season.

The slow warmth of scotch at the end of a long day.

Well-worn books. Old letters he never throws out.

The sound of your voice when you tell him about a nice thing that happened.

◇ food !

He often forgets to eat on his own especially when there's too much work. But if you make him something, he’ll sit down and savor every bite like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted.

He needs a partner who can make him love the ritual of having someone to eat with. That there's more to life than work and eating a plain old sandwich while working just to stop the grumble in his stomach.

this is the last time im gonna make smth like this ksksks

[riewritten]

this is peak erwin smith energy by the way

the strategic mind that never wants to misstep, even in something as human as being liked back.

“yes, in the balance of consideration this person’s behaviour could certainly be interpreted as flirtatious, but it would be the purest arrogance for me to just assume they actually meant what they said. i should gather more evidence. forever.”

so erwin's just gonna stand there, all stoic and unreadable, dissecting every single nuance of your tone, word choice, gaze—you name it—and he'd go to bed thinking it would still be presumptuous of him to believe you like him until you move the heavens and earth to spill ur affection out.

you're touchy? always updating him of your days? he's like “well im not oblivious, just self-disciplined :) my discipline says to not put meaning behind your friendliness"

told him he's the only one who can get a very specific and vulnerable info out of u only bc he's him? “three more months—if i still think this miiiiight have meaning after three months then i'll accept the possibility that you like me"

you're literally shoving him everything. he's one spoonfed motherfucker. and yet at the end of the day he'll be like, “point taken, but i must maintain my integrity until i’m absolutely certain.”

that’s why when you finally get sick of it, when you finally confess, needless to say that it cracks him open. how couldn't he, when you handed him the “evidence” he’d never dare to claim for himself?

[riewritten]

RIE!!! ERWIN!

OH JAY HE IS!!!!! HELPPPPPPPPFPFPFPDD