#evening nonsense

[rivers-for-me]

affirmations:

i can resist going back to rot metaphors

the voices are wrong

it's just the moon

it's going to be better than ever before

[meatmensch]

The three stories that Garak tells in The Wire represent all of the conflicting feelings that he has about his work in the Order and the occupation, and how his morals are developing and changing during his time on the station.

In the first story, he regrets killing a hundred Cardassian civilians in order to kill a few Bajorans. He claims that in doing this, he also killed Elim. In a manner of speaking he killed himself in order to follow his orders for the good of Cardassia and to appease his father.

In the second story, he regrets letting a few Bajoran kids go because at the end of the day he doesn’t think that interrogating people who don’t know anything is worth it plus he just wants to relax. “Elim couldn’t believe his eyes. He looked at me as if I were insane.” He was being merciful to those Bajoran kids because it served himself and some genuinely good part of him that wanted to do the right thing. The hardcore trained spy in him was like, “Um. Hello???” and the rest of him was like “Dude I’m so over it. Fuck ALL of this.”

In the third story, he claims that he framed Elim for letting Bajoran prisoners go, but Elim did the same thing to him first. He regrets betraying himself to stay alive, on Cardassia, and doing fucked up morally despicable shit; and in the end he still got exiled.

Also, “Don’t give up on me now, Doctor. Patience has its rewards,” is just as much him pleading with himself as it is him pleading with Bashir. It’s him thinking, “Maybe I can figure out what the fuck I actually believe in. Maybe I can redeem myself in whatever way I need to be redeemed, or at least do something good. Maybe I can lead a meaningful life.” And by the end of the series he does that. He didn’t give up, he stuck it out living in an on-fire garbage can, and in the end he clearly doesn’t approve of the Cardassian occupation of Bajor and believes that Cardassia needs to change and plays an active role in bringing about that change.

[rivers-for-me]

Smoking herbs is OUT but lighting an entire campfire of herbs on a baking tray in the middle of your room is IN

[rivers-for-me]

if medieval torture bad why sexy💔💔

[rivers-for-me]

Save me bountiful harvest

[rivers-for-me]

We're so back and so are the visions!!!

[rivers-for-me]

violent fantasies of reclaiming my life in ways that could be considered madness or prayer alone

[rivers-for-me]

bucketlist for the empty space between today and death???