#evenshands

[sandushengshou]

I'll hold ur hand .......... in HELL

this might be the most romantic thing you have ever said to me 🥹

[skambigbang]

(graphic by @sorchas)

New awesome art by evenshands is coming soon as part of the 2021 SKAM Big Bang. 

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The 2021 SKAM Big Bang premieres on June 21, 2021, kicking off a summer with 21 plus new Skam fanworks by over 50 writers and artists.

[wormsound]

THOUGHTS ON NIE MINGJUE

HHHHHHHH OKAY NIE MINGJUE I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ON NIE MINGJUE! most of them are just I LOVE HIM and he deserved BETTER and the rest of them is just kind of incoherent screaming in my brain BUT I shall try 2 make words out of them

OKAY SO tbh I don’t know when my brain decided to get on the love for da-ge train but it did and oh boy it’s not getting off any time soon. I think I watched fatal journey and vaguely considered nielan for A Bit Too Long one time and now I’m just kinda stuck here. 

I honestly didn’t really give Nie Mingjue that much thought at all until I watched fatal journey and then the thoughts came through with reckless abandon. in fatal journey you certainly see NMJ in a very different light compared to what you see in CQL. you see his raw emotion and his thought process, his tactics as a leader and first and foremost you see how he functions as an elder brother. BUT this is bearing in mind all of this is while he is heavily under the influence of Jin Guangyao’s version of the song of clarity. you see much more of how much JGY’s remix is actually changing him and how different he has become in comparison to the Nie Mingjue you see in the earlier episodes of CQL. it is much clearer that it wasn’t just enhancing the resentment of the sword spirit within him. it was enhancing every little feeling and emotion tenfold.

you see this probably the most clearly with the different way he interacts with Nie Huaisang from the start of CQL to the start of fatal journey. when you’re first introduced to NMJ in CQL you see that he is annoyed and frustrated at NHS when he finally returns from galivanting around with WWX, yet it is no more than a sharp look and a sigh, mostly coming from the worry that NHS didn’t come straight home when he said he would. when Nie Huaisang’s actions frustrate him again at the start of fatal journey (when under the influence of the JGY remix) he lashes out at NHS so much that he nearly physically hurts him. of course, he never does because he cares for him so much and not matter how much the song of clarity enhances his rage and frustration, it also enhances how much he would never want to hurt his little brother and its why he never does, because he can’t. when he’s almost completely taken over by it and kills Zonghui and the rest of the disciples, he can’t hurt Huaisang. and even when he is dying he can still fight through it when he sees his little brother. 

NMJ is fiercely protective of his loved ones and his little brother is clearly at the top of that list. I’m pretty sure that his overprotectiveness - particularly for Nie Huaisang - stemmed from his father’s death. when his father received a severe injury from taking NMJ on a night hunt and later died as a result, it left Nie Mingjue - only a teenager – with the responsibility to step up as sect leader, to raise his little brother and to carry the burden of the soul spirit and the curse of the Nie sect. all this as well is weighed down by the fact that NMJ would undoubtedly blame himself for his father’s death and the fact that he was unable to prevent it. this is what shapes him into a strong willed and determined sect leader, strict with rules and discipline. he uses the guilt he feels over his father’s death and channels in into running the Nie sect. determined to keep the Nie sect as strong as possible, he follows the same routes his father and ancestors did; running it in a military like style and continuing to allow sacrifices to be made to the sword spirit. Nie Mingjue knows what his sword spirit will eventually do to him, that he will not be around to pass it on to another generation and the fate will befall to his younger brother. so, when it comes to Nie Huaisang, all NMJ wants for him is to do well within the cultivation world, for him to be able to grow into a strong sect leader in the way he knows he himself will never live to become. he is strict with him because he wants his little brother to be able to be strong enough to never have to burden himself with the sword spirit. and it’s the knowledge that one day NHS may have to that ignites his frustration with him when Nie Huaisang shows so little interest in following in what he wants for him. because all he ever wants is for Nie Huaisang to be able to do better than he has done in his life. he wants to be able to always protect him and it kills him that he will one day be no longer able to do that. so, when Nie Mingjue is dying, when he is qi deviating, the need to protect his little brother is still there, in fact it so strong that it breaks through everything else. the need for NMJ to still be there to protect NHS is stronger than his rage and hate for JGY. in that moment, if JGY hadn’t intervened further NMJ could have most likely been pulled back from that edge. Jin Guangyao pulled every string in NMJ’s brain and increased every little thing he was feeling until he was nothing but a ball of rage and hurt and sadness and a tremendous amount of love and protection for his brother and the others he cared about. it’s why in the end, it didn’t work. JGY still had to have Xue yang cut NMJ’s head off to kill him. he never considered the other parts of Nie Mingjue he was changing when he put his little plan into action, the things that would still anchor him down and keep him human. and in the end, his cruel way of revenge and killing NMJ for his own gain ultimately backfired on him and led him to his own downfall.

what hurts so fucking much about what JGY did to NMJ is that it wouldn’t have worked it NMJ didn’t let it. obviously he had no idea what JGY was doing to him but he allowed him to be close enough for it to work. ultimately NMJ tried to work with JGY as best he could. he was devastated abt what meng yao did and that he had to banish him. he still worries about what became of him after he left and inquires after his wellbeing when he thinks he went to Jinlintai. his true distrust in JGY only starts – quite rightly so - after the events during the Sunshot campaign. and imagine how NMJ must have felt when he saw what JGY was capable of during Sunshot? NMJ saw meng yao, an outcast bullied by his peers and degraded for his parentage. so, he gave him a chance, stood up for him when everyone else was kicking him (literally) to the curb. all JGY wanted was the recognition of his father and NMJ figured he deserved the chance to get that. he built him up and gave him a strong position of power, even wrote to Jin Guangshan to persuade him to recognise his son. but then when JGY turns around and abuses that power he gives him and uses it to get away with literal murder and to crawl his way up the ranks, NMJ would’ve felt responsible for JGY actions because he was the one who enabled him to be in that position in the first place. NMJ had very strong, very rightful doubts about JGY after he killed his captain and his disciples during Sunshot, yet he cared about him in the past and he saw that some of JGY’s actions benefitted the good, and he saw how much trust LXC has in him and he allowed it to sway his gut feelings. you can see as they become sworn brothers that the distrust is still there quite strongly so I like to think that initially NMJ agreed to become sworn brothers with JGY as a way of “keeping the enemy close”. he would’ve wanted to keep a close eye on him, protect LXC if necessary, and partly because he still wanted to see if the good he once saw in him was still there. he wanted to believe that he was wrong and that JGY wasn’t lying. LXC suggested the sworn brotherhood as a way to build a bridge between NMJ and JGY, and honestly? it worked. but only on one half. and that half is Nie Mingjue, not Jin Guangyao.

in order for NMJ to let JGY play him the song of clarity in the first place, the trust he originally lost in him, he must have started to regain again over the years as his sworn brother. he would’ve seen JGY do good work and rise up the ranks, step ‘humbly’ into Jin Zixuan’s place and he would’ve seen how much trust LXC had in JGY. each little thing lessened that distrust to the extent he allowed JGY to know of how the sword spirit resentment affected him, and to trust him enough to let him try heal him. his distrust in JGY clearly never went away completely, but during those 16 years, NMJ trusted him enough to put his life in JGY’s hands and ultimately paid the price for it. 

but this is where I think Jin Guangyao went wrong. he never saw past the rage and distrust NMJ had in him at the start and instead used it as another excuse for his actions. he never considered the fact in allowing JGY to get so close that he could try kill him in such a way, that that was the very reason not to. and even if he did realise that NMJ trusted him again, he was too far in his grab for power to stop. instead, Jin Guangyao took the small amount of distrust that NMJ still had in him, and then increased it and made him feel it ten times worse over and over and over, until NMJ finally snapped with him. JGY made NMJ resentment for him ten times worse for himself to finally give him more means to justify killing him than it simply being that NMJ stood in the way when it came to his grasp for power. but in the end, all JGY was doing was sowing the seeds of his own destruction.

putting aside all the depressing plot stuff for a minute bc if I think abt it any harder for any longer I think I’m gonna combust SO I’m gonna jump back to just how much I LOVE HIM and I just DO I don’t fucking know why, I suppose I have a lil bit of a thing for tragedy and oh boy is the life of Nie Mingjue a tragedy, and I guess I have a soft spot for the “guy with a tough exterior is in reality really soft and goofy around those he loves and cares abt” trope. I guess what I also love abt him is that not many people see it. yes, he has an incredibly tough exterior that many people find it difficult to see past, but NMJ is soft, he is kind and he cares so very deeply about the people he loves. you see him so different once you go back and watch CQL from the beginning knowing the plot and having seen NMJ screaming and sobbing in his brother’s arms, his death looming ever so close on the horizon. You can see past his exterior and realise that he isn’t just Nie Huaisang’s angry older brother. you see him kind and eager and teasing with Lan Xichen and what can be first seen as anger with NHS is really just worry. and… it just makes everything just so much more heart-breaking. Because you realise what’s going to happen to him, what he is going to go through and you realise just how much he never fucking deserved it.

and now I’m very sad and feel like I should go write smthn abt him retiring with LXC and taking up beekeeping or smthn idk I just want him to be HAPPY :( 

i probs could write more but im not gonna bc yikes this got long and probably is just still a bunch of incoherent rambling if it feels like there’s stuff missing there probably is my brain has the thoughts lmao it just doesnt have the capacity to realise what they are and get them written down SO 

tldr;

NIE MINGJUE IS SOFT AND KIND AND CARES ABT EVERYONE HE LOVES SO GODDAMN MUCH AND HE REALLY FUCKING DIDN’T DESERVE WHAT HE GOT

[oedipiphany]

ooooh happy birthday!!! hope ur day is grand! :D

hahah it was yesterday actually i just got round to replying, thanks so much babe<33

[wlwharrys]

a collection of things the loml rino (aka @evenshands) has said on discord + skam screencaps

[evaksbinder]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

this week, we’re reccing fics that are compliant with s4 canon. Today’s fic is a short oneshot. If you like it, please consider leaving it some love in the form of kudos/comments!

this room doesn’t have enough - hippopotamus / @evenshands​ (1k words)

five times the room doesnt have enough blankets, tissues, boxes, pictures, rainbows, and one time the world doesn't have enough words.

Notes and ramblings:

A 5+1 fic detailing missing moments in Isak and Even’s life through post-s3 and s4 canon

The portrayal of Isak and Even’s relationship is incredibly in character, but also extremely adorable; their banter is very loving but realistic

Though the fic is very short, the progression of their relationship feels very organic through the missing moments portrayed

i really love the writing in this fic as well, very lowkey but lends itself so well to helping craft this image of this life Even and Isak have slowly created together

Favorite lines:

“please don’t think you aren’t good for me,” he settles on, in the end. it doesn’t feel quite enough, but it’s something, and it coaxes a smile from even. “you’re the best thing in my life.”

“that felt like enough words,” even says in amazement.

“never,” isak replies. “it’s never enough words.”

[rightvibes]

I wanna give a shoutout to @evenshands. Rino writes the most beautiful fics, full of fluff and love and gentleness that inspire me for my own work and make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And she does all that in spite of the fact that every day is a fight for her, and she does it all with so much grace and strength! People like you, Rino, are the reason I still have faith in humanity <3 <3 STAY exactly as awesome as you are <3 <3 I love you to bits <3 <3

@evenshands

[salengedusmiler-blog]

I was tagged by @littlespooneven, thank you so much! I’m so excited for these questions :)

1) How many works in progress do you have?

Well there’s my Skam advent calendar that’s in the process of being posted right now, but idk if I can call it a wip because I’ve already finished writing it? I’m not really working on anything at the moment but there’s one long fic and one oneshot that I should have started a week ago slkdfsdlkj

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

I write a lot more fanfiction than original stuff tbh, simply because I love to explore the characters of my favourite books and shows a little more.

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

Paper all the way. For some reason I find it hard to concentrate on ebooks for long periods of time. And ebooks don’t look as pretty in my huge bookshelf :D

4) When did you start writing?

I remember writing short stories with pictures and everything back in primary school, when I was like 8. I did that until I was about... 14? Then at 16 I got into fanfiction and after a two year break I’m now back in the business lol

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

Nobody I know irl, no. My fanfics go on ao3 so basically all of the internet.

6) Where is your favorite place to write?

In the rocking chair in my room!

7) Favorite childhood book?

Oh my god so many, but I loved The Brothers Lionheart and The Princess Who Didn’t Want to Play with Dolls by Astrid Lindgren the most, I think.

8) Writing for fun or publication?

For fun. There’s no way I’ll ever be published lol

9) Pen and paper or computer?

How is that even a question how do you write prose in pen and paper with all the editing you have to do? Even as an 8-year-old when I didn’t have a laptop I used pencil so I could erase it all. 

Poetry is best written on paper though. But again, in pencil. 

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

No.

11) What inspires you to write?

For fanfiction mostly things I notice in canon that aren’t explored, that I can expand on. Certain moments or emotions or background relationships that I feel have more to them than what’s canon. 

For once I’m not the last of my friends to do this so I’m just gonna go ahead and tag @evasnooramor, @femmevilde, @evensdramaticshenanigans and @evenshands! (Feel free to ignore)