Nov 9, 2025
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Virga called Ylil a chesspiece and I took that literally. Enjoy!
Song is by ChessMakta on TikTok and all images used here are by CrayonQueen (loverofpiggies on tumblr)!
Round 1: Evets VS The Mermaid
Who is the wettest and poorest little meow meow?
Evets
The Mermaid
Propaganda:
The mermaid is made of water. She is the wettest.
Evets: Guess what?
Wallis: What?
Evets: No, you have to guess.
Wallis, thinking: I don't know.
Evets: Assistant is in the hospital.
Wallis: Why would you make me guess that?!
But WHO would win in a physical fight??
Ive given it too much thought.
So the main cast. Twink. Twink. Twink who used to have a workout routine. Malnurished twink. Shortstack 1. Shortstack 2. Twinkiest twink.
The only ones with a decent chance are Evets, the trained bodyguard, and Rylie (either she has her new prosthetic and get to beat people with a metal leg, or she keeps her crutches and has a longer attack range)
All other relevant characters are twinks or twink shaped.
Meanwhile Virga ?
Yeah.
She gets the crown. No objection here.
Special mention to Cirrus who would canonically lose any and all physical fights.
My guy doesn’t even walk. Not a single developed muscle in his whole body.
Anyway. Here’s my very objective ranking:
Virga
Fallstreak
Clermont
Evets
Rylie
Wallis
Last place: Cirrus
they are gay