she walked the same path she’d taken every day for the past thirty years ––– the grass path made way towards the spot she could sit in for hours , just talking . laughs were heard , silence shared , tears spilt , everything you could think of . old and weary legs made themselves kneel down to sit on the ground , wrinkled hands placed in her lap while gray hair was pulled up into a bun .
“ ah . . . the weather is chilly today . i think winter will come early this year . “ she speaks softly , voice becoming quieter with age . she looks up to the sky for a moment . “ but the sky has no clouds , so i’ll have to enjoy it while it lasts . “ she begins talking about nonsense , how the house has been cold , what she saw at the market , how she’d almost lost an earring –––
it’s not until she runs out of things to talk about when she frowns . hands grip themselves as she looks down at the ground .
“ . . . i haven’t been able to move on , you know . you expressed how much you wanted me to , but no one has captured my heart like you have . “ she begins , her voice beginning to crack . “ i still think it’s my fault . maybe i couldn’t keep you happy enough , or maybe you wanted to be rid of me ? i just wish i could of saved you from it . “
“ i haven’t taken your ring off , either . it reminds me of the times we were happy together , of the times i was sure you loved me . i’ll never forget our promise , ‘til death do us part . i just didn’t expect death to come so soon . i wanted to do so many things with you . i . . . i wanted to be able to grow old with you . “ tears flow freely at this point , sobs escaping her covered mouth .
“ i’m sorry , osamu . i’m sorry that i couldn’t keep you here . i’m sorry that i wasn’t there to save you . i’m sorry i failed you as your wife . “ hunched over with grief , she cries with her face in her hands . after what seems like hours , but were merely minutes , of crying , she pulls her jacket closer around her shoulders . “ . . . i don’t want to be alone anymore . it kills me when i see your side of the bed empty , when i can’t hear your voice , when seeing your headstone . . . “
mallory’s hands touch the now mossy headstone , marking the burial site of dazai osamu . tears escape once again , switching positions to lean against the stone . “ i hope you won’t be upset with me , i figured i would just wait here for you . it won’t be long now . “ her choice of poison was a wine laced with cyanide . she had drank it before walking to her final resting place . eyes begin to drift closed ––– and she swears she sees dazai holding out a hand to her with that same smile on his face from the night they met .
“ welcome home , love . “
@exnulify / i made myself sad so p has to suffer with me : a drabble .
