#fandom boundaries

[aerin67]

I really think we need to bring back the phrase “Your Kink Is Not My Kink” when talking about fanfics.

So often I see posts complaining about a writer’s choice for a character, or a particular kink. Babe, that’s what the tags are for. They exist so you can see what’s inside and make a grown‑up choice about whether you want to read it or not.

And further to that, if you don’t like it — JUST STOP READING.

You do not have to leave a comment to let the author know you don’t like their stuff. If you picked up a book at the library and didn’t like it, are you going to send a strongly worded email to the author to complain? No. You have a moan to your mates and move on.

So why is this such a hard concept for people to grasp? Your kink is not my kink — and that’s fine. That’s what the back button and the tags are for.

[cat-fire]

ok this is gonna make people uncomfortable and i’m honestly fine with that. like… maybe sit with it instead of immediately getting defensive.

i’m still annoyed about this, that kind of pissed that sneaks up and quietly ruins your night. and it’s bothering me because first of all, it comes from a place of love.

i really love dom. and i mean that in a very soft, very real way. i feel respect. admiration. that feeling where you want someone to be okay more than you want anything from them.

and because of that, seeing people irl treat him like a prop inside their fantasy actually hurts to watch.

that video about the threesome with harry styles made me cringe in my bones. not because it was sexual - i’m not a prude and you all know that if you’ve read my fanfics. i fantasize too. i project too. i write him like a god in fiction. i live in my head as much as anyone.

but that video wasn’t fantasy. that was entitlement.

there’s a difference between having an inner world and dragging that inner world into real life and expecting a real human being to perform it back to you.

yes, he’s sexual on stage. obviously. yes, he flirts, he plays with desire, he does provocative shit. that’s literally his job. that’s a persona. a stage character. but can we please remember that performance is not permission? and persona doesn’t equal consent? please.

just because he puts his hand in his pants on stage doesn’t mean he wants you. just because he makes you feel something doesn’t mean you get to act on it. and the whole “he asked for this” mentality is not okay, it’s the same logic used everywhere to justify crossing boundaries.

also i think offstage he’s actually very private. very discreet. very well‑mannered. especially for a rockstar. he keeps his personal life contained on purpose. and ignoring that because it’s inconvenient to the fantasy? that’s where it crosses a line.

and because i’ve seen so many posts lately about parasocial relationships with dom, people saying he’s “changed” or that they feel “disconnected” from him, i just want to say this:

a celebrity is not responsible for regulating your nervous system. dom is not your therapist. he’s not your savior. his music can resonate with you, help you survive, yes. but it shouldn’t be the thing holding you together.

and i think people really don’t want to admit this: our experience isn’t exclusive. he resonates with a lot of people, millions actually. you’re supposed to take that feeling and build something in your own life with it not hand it back to him and expect him to carry it for you.

he never promised access or permanence. he never promised to stay frozen in the version of himself that made someone feel safe once.

and one more thing, since i’m already heated with my rant🔥: a kind reminder that jessie jo stark exists. she’s real and a really gorgeous woman. she’s his girlfriend. and yes, she’s a nepo baby. and honestly? who wouldn’t want to be a nepo baby. i wish i was a nepo baby, be fucking serious.

being born into privilege doesn’t automatically make someone untalented or evil. and also? she’s cool. i love deadly doll. she’s doing her own thing. and maybe, just maybe (crazy thought) dom has a good reason for being with her. the bitterness toward her isn’t really about her anyway. it’s about people not wanting to let go of a version of dom who’s eternally available and emotionally outsourceable.

what makes me angry isn’t even desire. desire is human. and he’s attractive as hell. it’s the expectation that he should absorb ur desire. manage it. laugh it off. regulate it. forever.

at the end of the day i’m just advocating for the human being behind the rockstar image. he’s tried to keep the barrier thin because he wants to be real with fans but sadly the thinner that barrier is, the more vulnerable the person behind it becomes.

maybe fandom should be more about appreciation than consumption. maybe instead of testing his limits, we should just be grateful he lets us this close at all.

loving dom, to me, means respecting him enough to let him exist fully outside my head. even if that means staying on the sidelines. even if that means watching him live a life that has nothing to do with me - because guess what, we all have a life to live, and we should make it beautiful with dom’s music and vibes in it, not instead of it.

this isn’t hate. and it isn’t anti‑fan either.

it’s just a boundary.

really take what reasonates and leave what doesn’t, but i think we should maybe start to think healthier so a fandom like this could thrive and be a nice place for everyone.

thank you for coming to my ted talk. now that i got it out i can peacefully go to sleep. good night!🪽🪽

xx

[ginnycampbellbower88]

The ones that spread those accusations were wenclair fans lol surprised they didn't say the same for Tyler's actor ngl. I think I don't need to be in any fandom and watch it peace these insane people annoy me they will actively send hate even if the actor herself isn't into women because of the ship they ship. I do love gl relationships too just not wenclair

Exactly — that’s the entire point I’ve been trying to make. Everyone is free to ship whatever they want, and I have absolutely nothing against wlw ships (there are actually a lot of wlw ships I love). But what happened with the Percy situation went way beyond normal fandom behaviour. Some people literally used false accusations as a way to get rid of a male character, just so their preferred ship could become the only option — and that’s seriously disturbing.

It wasn’t about “believing victims” or wanting accountability. It was about pushing a narrative that best served their ship agenda. And the fact that people were celebrating those accusations or treating them like a “gotcha!” moment just because they didn’t like Xavier or Wyler… that’s not fandom. That’s harassment.

There’s a huge difference between simply not liking a ship and trying to destroy an actual person’s life and reputation over a fictional relationship. And yes — like you said, the scary part is that it easily could’ve happened to Hunter too if some people suddenly decided Tyler was “in the way” of their preferred ship. (And knowing how far some of these people go, it honestly wouldn’t surprise me.)

At the end of the day, this is all fiction. Nobody should be sending hate or spreading lies about real people over it. And the fact that some fans still refuse to admit how wrong that behavior was… that’s exactly why it still needs to be called out.

[novaursa]

I'm confessional kinky dude thanks for answering so kindly. I just blocked them cos it felt like lifting a rock and seeing something ugly. I know it's fictional and we are in the Targaryen world but kinda seeing how the artists mind works doing that shook me. The art isn't sexual it was their words and implication for something that looked so innocent. It got me thinking they were testing the water and then walked it back as you said. It doesn't matter now anyways cos I've blocked them even though I loved them prior.

Protect your peace, anon, and keep enjoying what you like. 🫶

You handled it the right way. Sometimes you come across something that just doesn’t sit right, even if it’s technically “fictional” or meant a certain way. That gut reaction matters. It’s not about overreacting, it’s about recognizing where your line is and stepping back.

The internet is a weird place. People push boundaries, test reactions, backtrack when it gets heat. You don’t need to sit there and analyze it forever. You saw it, it didn’t sit right, you removed it. That’s a win. 🙂

[thunderstormsandhotcocoa]

Reminder I needed today that I thought I’d share:

FUCK CANON.

Write and read what you want.

My little thoughts if you wanted more context:

I ended up scrolling and it wasn’t my smartest choice but I did see a post that reminded me that we can consume what we want and write and ignore things.

I did this for TGM and with Tom “Iceman” Kazansky living. I *wrote* a Bobby lived fic and I seem to have forgotten myself as I dig deeper into this hole.

So I’m gonna stop digging and I’m gonna sit here and hopefully I’ll start climbing one day.

We had to find joy, but we also have to take breaks.

So I’ll be here handing out snacks and juice boxes for your break. Take care of yourselves. 💛

[biblionerd07]

sliceosunshine replied to your post “sliceosunshine replied to your post “I feel kinda bad for all of Seb’s...”

Wait, people actually called him "Seb" on there too?! I didn't know that, or at least wasn't paying really close attention to it. Yeah, that level of familiarity from a stranger would freak ME out, and I'm not even a famous person. (And I've only

Yeah! And like on his instagram and on his gf’s, too. I don’t even call him Seb when I’m talking about him out loud, just when I’m on here. idk it just freaks me out!