Hello there fellow gamer, may I request Joshua Levinth with the letter X from the fanfiction alphabet challenge? Thank you and have a nice gay.
sure thing gaymer.
send me a character + one of the letters and I’ll write you a little drabble :)
X = xoxo (love notes)
With far too much unreasonable- unwanted- affection stirring withing him, Joshua eventually found the need to express said feelings. But without the ability to tell the person they're directed at directly, he found another solution. Writing. Simple letters, never to be read by the person they were about. Things where he could say, "I love you," without facing what the would mean to that person. What it would mean for him.
At the time, this helped. Joshua Levinth could continue on with all his other duties, without thinking about it, until returning to his room for the evening. Writing simple little notes, and later destroying them for safety's sake. It was fine. He was fine.
As fine as he ever was, at the time.
Lately things have changed. The target of his feelings has changed. The letters no longer feel like a secret that would destroy everything around him. Maybe it's wrong they ever did.
"What are these?" Johan asks, one day, while looking over Joshua's desk. He's long since given up organization. Long since stopped hiding the letters. Johan wouldn't look at them if he was told not to. No one here would.
"Letters." A pause. Joshua glances between the letters and the theoretical recipient. Feels a warmth in his chest that makes him sigh. "You can....read them if you'd like. They're about you."
"Huh?"
Letters where he could say, "I love you," without facing what the would mean to that person. But he already faced that a long time ago. Johan already knows. There's no harm in letting him see those feelings too.
okay so i’m not going to write a real fic for the role-swap au, because im already in the middle of a big long-form rvb fic, however...i will make a v long post that includes some bullet points and some prose
The Director was originally a soldier. He’d seen plenty of people- on his side, or the enemy- die. Part of him was definitely desensitized to it. but there was this medic. Patching him up in a mash tent, after one injury, and he was all smiles, and
then a bomb went off right outside the tent. the medic was right in front of him, and while he should have been too desensitized for this to matter- he kept telling himself that- it stuck with him.
he was discharged shortly after on account of also being heavily injured in that incident, and put his long-unused degree’s to earn a spot on the more scientific side of the UNSC’s attempts to win the war.
Freelancer starts with good intentions, he says.
Maybe it’s because he’s got more leadership ability than fighting prowess, or maybe it’s because the Director realizes who he is, but Wash is made the alpha squads leader despite his lower placement on the leaderboard.
(Later he’ll just be upset the Director was so caught up on a medic he barely knew, when he left his family behind. For now he only thinks about how he can prove something, by moving up the leaderboard)
Carolina is put at the top of the board shortly after arriving. Despite this, her role in the team remains the same, and the others still call her Rookie.
sometimes Carolina wonders, bitterly, why their leader is the most gullible person on the team. one of the weaker ones. she doesn’t hate him, but it bothers her.
And then Doc arrives, and her bitterness finds a new target. (His name isn’t even a state, which isn’t even the most confusing thing about him, there.) the man claims he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. acts like he doesn’t want to be there, that he isn’t a soldier. yet he appears as #1, and the Director pays him special attention.
Carolina is so focused on this- they all are- that none of them notice their team leaders increasing anxiety. increasing harshness as things go on.
None of them are prepared for when Washington asks for two AI fragments. Eta and Iota are given to him, instead of Carolina and North.
They’re less prepared for the screaming. The AI screaming a name none of them know, and Doc’s confusion.
Carolina is assigned Epsilon. She screams until she passes out, by the time she wakes Epsilon is gone. The crash knocks her out, and she wakes alone, knowing a world of secrets she needs to get justice for.
As far as anyone knows, Washington was killed after the crash.
(His luck had him getting caught on the rocks of the cliffside, managing to struggle his way to solid ground. He re-enlists in the UNSC because nobody will look for him there.)
Alpha is moved the Blood Gulch, put on Red team with Wyoming as team leader. that doesn’t last, when he dies in some un-eventful moment, and Sarge takes over as red team leader.
The first time something goes wrong is shortly after Donut’s arrival. (First if you don’t count Caboose wandering into Red Base and taking their flag.) The Tank’s AI- Lopez- is stuck to spanish and Donut only kind of understands what’s being said. He “kills” sarge, who becomes a ghost.
Blue team’s leader- Church- build a robot named Sheila who very temporarly hosts the ghost, but he eventually builds Sarge- and later Doc- his own body to possess.
At some point Kai needs emergency surgery preformed on her, and Church- who is definitely not qualified to do it- performs it because there’s literally nobody who can, and command isn’t going to send them help in time. Tucker sacrifices a few organs, and gets robot parts in exchange.
The two are infuriating with their jokes about it, Church thinks.
Eventually Blood Gluch gets a freelancer in the form of Doc, who claims to be an old war-buddy of Sarge’s. the two don’t seem to get along, despite this.
an actual doctor arrives in the form of Tex, not that anyone would expect that, just by talking to her. Tex seems more likely to break someones arm than fix it, but she’s very affective at her job.
Eventually an alien prophecy takes Simmons on an adventure he’s not prepared. he’s scared the entire time and even more so when he gives birth, but somehow finds himself immediately, and surprisingly, attached to the kid. (Donut sacrifices quite a bit of blood to him.)
Tex ending up with Doc’s AI is a disaster, and she’s a force to be reckoned with. The AI has lasting effects on the psyche long after.
Grif- Kaikaina’s brother- arrives in Blood Gluch on the wrong team shortly before Doc returns to hunt down Omega. Sarge immediately claims not to like the other, not that Grif seems particularly bothered by this.
Doc tries to take Omega, Junior, a ship with Lopez’s AI in it, and Gamma to “end the war” because that’s his job. (Really he just knows that if the war, the Alpha will be safer.)
He dies doing this. Sarge himself is surprised by how bothered he is by this. he refuses to admit he is.
The Reds and Blues are relocated. Tucker and Kai are sent together to a larger base, Church, Sheila, and Grif remain in Blood Gulch. Caboose and Simmons end up in the desert, with Junior. the latter two acting as ambassadors. Sarge is located to a Base, entirely by himself.
Carolina has gone through a lot. When she’s cleared for duty, because they need someone who wont let an AI into their head, she knew what she was signing up for.
it doesn’t make finding their bodies any easier. it doesn’t make finding his body any easier.
The Meta got South, and North leaves Carolina to die. She sometimes has to wonder just what the Project has done to them, for even people she would never have imagined to be capable of doing something like that, to do it.
Sometimes she wonders if her lack of surprise is just more proof how bad it is.
Donut is the one to eventually guide Carolina to Sarge. His immediate reaction to her is distrust, not because she’s a freelancer but because her armor is blue. (Whatever she expected the Alpha to be like, that wasn’t it.)
Church could, frankly, not care less that Carolina is reuniting the Reds, and nearly ignores the instructions outright when he hears them. But..as much as he wont admit it, the excuse to get Tucker and Kai back is what makes him follow the instruction.
Donut is surprisingly helpful, Carolina finds, in their first confrontation with the Meta. She says, “one of you take delta,” and later will realize exactly why Sarge tells Donut to do it.
Carolina used to think of the other Freelancers as her family. It’s strangely easy to kill one of them herself. she hates that.
The Blues are just competent enough to almost not ruin everything by showing up. but not that competent. Donut is knocked out, Delta taken, and when Tucker tries and fails to distract Carolina, she discovers Sarge is a “ghost.”
She should have realized, already. part of her probably had. With direction, she knows where to go. so they retrieve Epsilon.
“You’re the Alpha.” “Huh.” “that’s it?” “that must be why i’m so good with machines.” “so you believe me?” “yeah but this aint my fight.” “but it literally is!”
(Somehow between church, tucker, and kai, they manage to delete all records of the Reds. In all honesty it was surprisingly easy)
Carolina doesn’t really expect to survive, when she and Sarge go to set the EMP off. And yet...
“I’ll do whatever it takes,” She says, when asked about retrieving epsilon from the Reds.
They find Simmons in the desert. Sarge is a floating orb for a time. Carolina shoots Sheila and Caboose. The Blues somehow manage to get ahold of a pelican, and crash it through a wall and into Carolina.
Tex does not take “being taken prisoner” very well. It’s only the fact she know Carolina doesn’t really want to be doing this that keep her from actually trying to escape. she thinks, by the end, she gets through.
When the Reds and Blues discover that everything they knew about the Reds and Blues were a lie, they have varying reactions. Kai pointedly says that they don’t have to take orders anymore, when Church tells Donut he’ll help him go after Sarge, to help.
“I didn’t ask you to come, I’m just...going to go. because you guys are assholes but you’re still here and I don’t entirely hate them.”
“I’m going into the memory unit,” Sarge says, like it’s to be expected. For the first time between himself, alpha, or the director he says, “this was my fault.”
the Reds take Carolina in, despite everything she’s done. to everyone’s surprise, they manage to trade her armor with robot-epsilon!Sarge’s armor and nobody notices.
For a while, things are fine. And then Washington comes back from the dead.
“We’re friends,” Donut says, simply. Like Carolina should already know that.
Sarge is surprisingly unhappy to be freed from the memory unit. his complaints primarily go ignored. Eventually he and Wash come to an understanding, about their motivations when it comes to hunting down the director.
they don’t let the others into this loop, which is why everyone turns away, when they start talking about hunting the director down and killing him.
Simmons shocks everyone by being the one to say, simply, “I don’t take orders from you!” and Carolina surprises them, by saying “Don’t do that,” when Washington points a gun at Simmons.
“This isn’t like you,” Carolina says, when everyone has left. Donut is waiting while she says, “you need to figure out who your enemies are and who your friends are.”
Wash has never had a problem with Doc. He wasn’t Carolina, he didn’t have an ill-fitting rivalry with the other. what he does have is the knowledge that doc- frank- was the person important enough to reduce the Director to this. to be so important to alpha and epsilon, that he came back. The knowledge that this person, who he’d never met the original of, held more of a place in his mind than his family.
Tex is the one to tell the Reds and Blues to get it together and go after Washington and Sarge.
“After what they said?” Carolina says, incredulous. “We’re all assholes, it’d be kind of hypocritical to hold it against them,” Church says.
By the time they reach the Director, he’s a long-broken person. He acknowledges both of the people confronting him as things he’s created. They’re both much more than that, and are in spite of him.
They crash a chorus, and things are awful.
Wash and Sarge leave. They don’t say anything, and Carolina can’t help but be upset at them for it. She tires to keep things together. She and Simmons have never had problems with each other before, but their situation, and those two leaving, grates at them until they blow up at each other.
Donut is accidentally made their leader, though he seems to be holding onto the title entirely to get them to stop.
Church, Tucker, and Kai end up exploring the ship wreckage and discover the “future cubes” just before things take a turn for the worse. They’re attacked by Felix, “saved” by Locus, and have the situation on Chorus explained to them.
Carolina makes a choice. The tunnels cave, and she, church, caboose, sheila, and freckles are left behind, with the federal army.
Simmons, Kai, Donut, and Tucker arent exactly the “greatest soldiers in the galaxy” but they sure do try their best. first with training the rebels, then with trying to convince locus they’re ready to rescue the others, then with doing that mission on their own. Simmons finds himself surprisingly capable of a leader, when push comes to shove.
The odd thing, Felix finds as he hands over the mantis’ heart and mind to carolina- aka the tracking device- is how much this group interests him. Maybe it’s just because of how easily they could be in his exact situation, if they would just stop playing “hero.”
(Not that it’s much different from locus playing “soldier” in a nearly-delusional way. Pretending like they could ever be good after what they’ve done. At least Felix knows he can never be.)
Their reunions range from general relief, to anger. These are things only conversation will fix.
Trying to get information out of Locus is probably more difficult than Felix would be, but they have a plan. one Simmons stumbles is way through. “Did you want to be a soldier so bad you started a war?”
“If you think this is just a big job, Felix, then why are you so personally invested in it? What’s the soldier-act with locus about? Seems like you’re just afraid that you’ve already gone to far to go back. You can still decide to do good.” Carolina says. “I have.”
“I don’t care about that.”
“Then why are you so caught up on us?”
“What are ya’ scared of?” Sarge asks, to the point. “I don’t want to lose them, again.”
Kimball makes a strategic choice, giving up the sword, but keeping her life. she knows, logically, that it was the only way out of that without giving them the power to kill everyone on the planet, but she hates it. it feels like running away, and it’s wasting resources. It’s worse that Doyle seems to think she made the right call, too.
“You’re going to have to learn to lead these people, because I wont be able to do it from where I’m going.” “Kimball-” “I believe you can do it.”
Kimball takes half the pirate forces down with her. in a way, it secures their ability to win, but...
nobody’s happy about the loss.
After having a ship and temple dropped on them Felix is starting to wonder if this job is even worth it. Locus drags him to the communications temple, after the Reds and Blues.
“Why are we here, the mission is over.” “it’s not over yet. a soldier doesn’t abandon his mission halfway.”
Locus doubles down on the excuses he keeps feeding himself. Felix lays on his back, stares up at the ceiling while the alien-ai appears next to him. “What do you want to know?”
A part of Felix has always been afraid that if Locus recovered, he’d abandon Felix. he’d kept up his own act this long for that reason. but- “What is Locus afraid of?”
“Being a monster.”
Ironic, Felix thinks, because he already is. They both are. He’s not sure, exactly, what about that makes him stand up, but he stumbles his way to where the Red and Blues are. to where Locus is. and When Locus questions him, doubles down on his soldier-thing again, felix can only shake his head.
“you’re not a soldier. we aren’t soliders. you’re a monster, and so am i.”
Felix ends up with the sword, activates the tower for them, and leaves. he’ll figure out what “deciding to be good” actually means on his own time.
“Listen,” Sarge’s message starts, “I know you’re gonna be pissed off about this, but-”
“Don’t forget me. Even you blues.”
Of all the things everyone expects, when they get the message seeming to be from Sarge, is for Kai to decide she isn’t going. that she doesn’t want to go. that she doesn’t care.
(She says that she doesn’t, but her voice shakes.)
Donut isn’t oblivious. he knew that the last time was actually the last time. Sarge wasn’t coming back. but after so many instances, it was hard to believe. that this time was really it.
Kai does a great job of getting herself caught as a distraction. Felix frees Carolina and Wash. The former is barely coherent, and Wash is in no condition to fight.
Church realizes when Temple says to kill the reporters that he’d been blinded to the obvious. Temple, and the Blues and Reds, are their enemies. he can’t believe he let them lock the Reds and Blues up.
(Felix is not prepared for Donut to pull him into a hug when they free the Red’s a Blues. did he already forget they were enemies not that long ago?)
Simmons in a rare moment of pure recklessness rushes into fight with the blues and reds, and Carolina, hallucinating and in no condition to be there at all, walks into enemy fire. Felix rushes her for medical attention, leaving the rest of the Reds and Blues to deal with temple.
Simmons pulls himself together, and helps lead them into their final confrontations. They find Tex along the way, and leave the other freelancer with her when he’s still obviously in no condition to fight.
it’s a time machine. and for all that Donut would love to pull sarge through, to their time, he knows they have to learn to move on. that they’ll be okay.
caboose is hit by something from the time machine, but at the moment they don’t think it means anything.
Carolina has brain damage. which is...something they should tell her. Wash knows that. he does, really. and he will- he tells himself he will. but he...doesn’t. because if he doesn’t say it than maybe he can pretend like everything’s fine. like Carolina isn’t telling him the same story again, like nothing is wrong-
maybe it’s fine.
Chrovos promises Caboose only one thing. That he’ll get to be with his friends forever, if he help them. It enough, really.
Simmons and Grif’s traveling through time together is half food-based and half them-arguing-based
Kai and Tex’s traveling through time is levels a chaos that eventually result in arguments, and o’malley using that to take the time-gun and leave Kai in the past. She finds her way back by finding Simmons and Grif, in the same time, with the assistance of huggins.
Donut and Sheila have a surprisingly calm trip through time.
Church and Tucker end up traveling back to “fix” some scientific failures on the formers part, (meaning he drags Tucker along, because he’s the one with the time-gun)
(also: “you’re a scientist?!” “we dont’ talk about that”)
Eventually the “gods” catch up with Simmons, Grif, and Kai, who comes to agreements with them to try and convince the others the at least hear them out.
which goes pretty well until they’re all discussing it after. when Carolina says they have to stop fucking with time because mistakes are done, they have to move on.
and she finds out she has brain damage and no one told her.
“I didn’t tell them, either-” “That doesn’t make it better!”
Caboose take the hammer because if they break time then they don’t have to worry about the past.
They go back to try and save Carolina, and break everything.
(Caboose fights O’malley, when he realizes the others would be upset with him, and his surprising level of strength comes in handy.)
Chrovos is trapped, but so are the others. Caboose does try to get them to realize what’s going on, but they wont listen to him because they don’t think he knows what he’s talking about.
so he goes to the future, instead, and finds Carolina, stuck between two realities. She wakes, despite Caboose’s poor explanations, and the two set off to wake the others.
(They end up stuck with only the singularity to travel, but they make due.)
Carolina is still upset, still angry, because how could you hide something like brain damage from someone you trusted
Caboose points out, with surprising clarity, that they- he- tried to save her. It doesn’t make her feel better, immediately. “That’s the thing, i do trust you completely,” starts to.
They fix the timeline, you know how it goes. Look this post is a lot.
Labyrinths would be different bc different backgrounds but hell if im gonna write them all here.
Sheila lives through billions of years, learns tons, and decides not to tell the Reds and Blues any of it because, honestly, screw them. (aka bc they don’t need endless information)
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy
Characters: Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Evan Hansen
Additional Tags: Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Pre-Relationship, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies
Series: Part 5 of Pain-Verse
Summary:
“No- sorry. I’m sorry. I should- class.” Evan spins too quickly for Connor to stop him. Stumbles away, as Connor stands there.
He’s long out of sight- the hallways empty as classes go on- before Connor breathes a sigh.
“What’s wrong with him?”
What’s wrong with me?
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: FRAGILE さよなら月の廃墟 | Fragile Dreams: Farewell Ruins of the Moon
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Crow/Seto (Fragile), PF & Seto (Fragile), Sai & Seto (Fragile), Sai & Shin (Fragile), Ren & Seto (Fragile), Seto & Chiyo (Fragile), implied past Seto/Ren
Characters: Seto (Fragile), PF (Fragile), Sai (Fragile), Ren (Fragile), The Merchant (Fragile), Crow (Fragile), Chiyo (Fragile), Shin (Fragile), Seto's Grandpa (Fragile)
Additional Tags: Reincarnation, everyone's reincarnated, (or almost), so they may act slightly different, specifically seto because he has older-seto's memories, memories (the fragile dreams game mechanic kind), the locket, good titles? for my fics? unlikely, this really wasn't meant to be this long, spoilers for literally everything but also the game is ten years old so
Summary:
The world ended, once. Hundreds of years ago, with a failed experiment, and sleeping becoming the death of people. Eventually, a number of those who survived found each other. Came together and, throughout years and multiple generations, a new society was built.
Were Seto to tell anyone that he remembered the time in which there was no society left, no one would believe him. He was, after all, a teenager. He wouldn’t have been born, at the time.
But he did. Remembers traveling through the ruined, abandoned land that was once full of people. Remembers fighting for his life; fighting to find someone to stay with.
To have anyone at his side, so he wasn’t alone.
Summary: In the land of Fyonia, a child named Kai is born. Without magic, in a world otherwise full of it, his fate is to die young. His fate, though, may just end up being quite different, due to the involvement of a man named Azure.
The first part of the series: Stories of Fyonia
Notes: Me? Actually writing Fyonia after at least 12 years? Shocking, I know. I’ve decided to do it this way- multiple stories, focusing on different characters/events- instead of trying to collect the 12 years of lore I’ve come up with (or changed) into one large story.
I will be rebloging my writing to my art blog @faraandmera, starting with this story, so if you’re only interested in my art/writing, please go there instead.
Which means: I explain concepts here, so you should be able to read this without any prior knowledge of my characters/story!
There’s magic in everything, in the land- in the world- of Fyonia. Flowing, overwhelming anything without magic, of which there’s little. Every person is born with the potential for magic, absorbs and releases the flow of magic surrounding them without noticing, in idle actions. Every person is born with magic.
In the land of Fyonia, a child by the name of Kai is born. Born in a place where everyone is born with two souls. (One always dies, eventually. It’s rare, far too rare, that both will live into adulthood, or even past ten.) Kai is born with only one.
This isn’t the thing that makes him stand out, though.
In the land of Fyonia, a world overflowing with magic, where people are born with multiple souls in one body, where every person is born with a natural affinity for magic, a child is born without any magic. Alone in a magic-less body, which rejects the magic around it. That pushes back against it, and is pained, intensely, by the magic around them.
Dying from the moment he’s born, Kai is expected to live to ten, at most. More likely, five. But he doesn’t understand this, or why everything is painful, or why, when he’s three, seeing hurts. Doesn’t understand why his parents pass him off to a blue-haired man. (Named, he’ll learn later, Azure, after the colour. A colour born from his affinity for ice magic.)
Kai comes to understand, by the time he’s six. Lived longer than expected, he hears from Azure. His eyes have given up on him, his legs are following their lead. Azure is honest with him. “I think you’re going to die soon, Kai.”
What a horrible thing to say to a child, Kai thinks. He shouldn’t be able to think that way, not yet.
Magic isn’t killing him, necessarily. It’s just aggravating things that eventually set in for most everyone. His brown hair turns white, at five. His eyes give out at six. His joints speak loud protests by the time he’s seven.
Another kid, Cera, ends up with them soon after Kai turns seven. Equally rejected by magic, a statistical outlier, Cera’s body reacts differently, but equally deadly. Rather than being drained of life by it, magic strikes him painfully, at random, pushing the parts of him that should hold magic apart. His ear drums give up, burst, a week after he arrives. His wrists follow suit. Kai can’t offer comfort because he doesn’t know what Cera would want to hear- read, actually- were he to ask for it.
Azure makes magical items. Has been working on something since before Kai met him. Kai thinks, a month after he turns seven, that he’ll never see the end of it. See what it’s become. But, then, Azure asks him something, one day.
“Would you want to live, if you were no longer human?”
“But as long as I’m me, then I am human?”
It’s a powerful amplifier of magic, Azure explains. It needs something powerful to bond to, in order to remain stable. So far, his attempts have fallen apart- exploded, mostly- because the pure energy in an object didn’t work. Cera is told, too, but doesn’t seem to understand. Kai does, in his worn, tired, mind.
“If I attached a soul to it, it could take form- human form, even- and still serve its purpose.”
The first is made purely of the, “light,” energy of the world. Anglesion magic.
“If my soul was used, would I still be me?”
“Yes, of course.”
Kai dies, two months after turning seven. Passes out, in the middle of a meal, and doesn’t wake. It’s only a few moments. A short five seconds, where his soul remains while his body has finally given up. In that time. Azure acts.
Kai wakes again, a soul held in an object. Bound to an enormous amount of magic. Being made of it, himself, now. His soul fuses with magic, slowly, over the course of a week, until he’s one with it. Until his soul is just another part of the mass of energy, and he’s a child, again, in form. But he can feel it, over his skin. That he’s no longer the same. His body functions, aside from his eyes.
Cera describes him. He looks the same, Cera says. He looks healthy, Cera tells him. There’s a tattoo over his back. A black circle, with curving lines surrounding it. The only immediate sign something is inhuman about him, it sparkles with stars of magic.
“The anglesion orb,” Azure says, one day. “You’re that, now, Kai.”
Kai doesn’t appreciate the pity in his voice. Not when it was Azure’s idea, in the first place. “So I’m light, now.”
“Blindingly,” Azure jokes. “Rakai.”
The Fyonian word for blinding, rakai. It’s a pun, one Kai almost appreciates.
“Rakaishi, then?” Kai raises a hand to his chest. Shi is the Fyonian word for Light. “A new name for this me, hm?”
Azure’s thoughts- Kai can hear them, distant, but there- tell Kai that Azure finds his speech unsettling. His words, aloud, are nicer. “It’s still weird to hear you talk like that, when you’re still so much a child.”
“Blame the magic.”
Cera passes a year later, and Azure does the same to him. Demecian magic, the “dark,” magic of the world. The necessary pull to the push that was angelsion magic. Cera is ten, when he is reborn in the same way Rakaishi was. His attitude is lighter, more the child he is, than Rakaishi thinks he himself ever was.
“Should my name be changed, too, then?” Cera asks, a hum following his question. Rakaishi laughs, reaches to ruffle Cera’s dark black hair.
“What do you want it to mean, brother?” Rakaishi asks, silent. Speech isn’t necessary to talk, even without the slowly arriving telepathy that their new magic had given them.
Another hum. “I want my name in it, too.”
Cera, meaning hope in Fyonian. A name Rakaishi had thought cruel, once, to give a child they knew from birth would die young.
“La, maybe?”
“Quiet?”
“Yeah.”
Lacera, quiet hope. Cera grabs one of Rakaishi’s hands. “It matches yours!”
“It does.”
Azure reaches fifty, before another child like Kai and Cera is left with him. His movements are getting slower, and don’t keep up well with the surprising energy of the dying girl. Ia has already made it further than Kai or Cera did, by the time she arrives. Already eleven, and lacking her voice. Magic numbing her other senses, she’s clumsy and a greater danger to herself than magic is to her.
Azure has been looking into the idea of pure elemental magic, something generally denied by most. All magic is laced with angelsion or demecian magic, most would say. Rakaishi doesn’t doubt that, if Azure is able to figure his theory out, a third, different, orb would be possible.
“Ia, do you know what your lack of magic means?” Lacera asks, once, while distracting Ia. Keeping her from distracting their aging caretaker. Rakaishi watches his siblings- and that’s what they are, now- with his magic. He can’t see them, but if he spreads his magic out, thinly layering it over the space around him, he can feel them. It’s almost as if he has his sight again, though it’s exhausting in a way that’s more difficult than his human body’s exhaustion ever was.
“I’m dying.” Ia signs, simply. Lacera nods, slowly. “And then I’ll get to be like you.”
Lacera is too taken aback to respond, so Rakaishi does. “Do you think that’s a good thing?”
“It’s just a thing.” Just a thing. Not good or bad, just something. Rakaishi wouldn’t argue with that, given the chance.
“You know,” Lacera says, finally. “Me and Rakaishi had different names, before.”
“Different names?”
Lacera explains, and Ia nods along with every word of his explanation. Rakaishi finds his thoughts drifting, while it happens.
Azure is fifty, already, and far weaker than he should be. It’s not a lack of magic weakening him, but he’s pushing his limits of magic. His affinity is angelsion magic. Demecian magic should be painful for him, and Rakaishi remembers his struggle with Lacera. His affinity is ice, but Rakaishi has noticed Azure practicing other elements, ones far removed from what should be safe for him to attempt, in order to learn more about them. He’s pushing the limits of what his magical ability will allow.
Rakaishi worries he won’t last long enough to make Ia like them.
Azure announces his research being completed two days later, easing Rakaishi’s concern.
Ia not only arrives later into life than Rakaishi and Lacera, but further outlives them by two more years. Is thirteen, when she stops being able to move. It’s still two more weeks, after, before she actually dies, and nobody appreciates those two weeks.
But, then, Rakaishi and Lacera’s sister is the same as them, and she grins when she tells them her name.
Minia. Min being both the word meaning spirit, and from the Fyonian word mingia, meaning voiceless. As well as ia, her name but also joy. Besides taking from the word, Minia is also very close to being the word for voiceless, too. Rakaishi feels a bit lacking in proper wordplay, with his own choice of name.
“You should have thought harder,” Minia teases, grinning. “Sorry, kids.”
“We’re older than you.”
“Really, didn’t you die sooner than I did?”
“Yes, but-”
“Then I’m older.”
“Rakaishi aged pretty rapidly near the end, though,” Lacera pats Rakaishi on the shoulder, emphasizing his point, though Rakaishi suddenly feels offended.
“You make it sound like I became an old man.”
“You didn’t?”
Azure lives to seventy, before he stops being able to conduct any research whatsoever. His age finally doing what was inevitable. It’s then that he admits to them what he never had, before.
“You wont be able to maintain forms, when I die.” Azure’s explanation goes uninterrupted. None of them having the words- thoughts- with which to interrupt. Their souls aren’t the only requirement, to keep a human form, but a bond- a living, human, bond- is also required. Azure is that, now, and in the future, they may choose the next for themselves, but until then things will change. They’ll take the form of orbs they were originally named for.
“Then what- where will we end up?” Minia asks, finally, after far too long a silence. The silence stretches further, speech already taking much out of Azure.
“I’ve arranged to send each of you to one of the kingdoms.” To separate them. Rakaishi wants to be angry, to accuse him of something, though he doesn’t know what. Yet, he can’t. Azure explains further, that in their orb forms, their magic- their power- can be used by whoever, without them being able to do anything about it. Thus, keeping them all together would be dangerous.
Still.
Still?
Rakaishi finds himself alone, days later, staring at his hands, as if he could see them. “Would you want to live, if you were no longer human?” Azure’s question suddenly, decades latter, has more weight.
Azure dies at seventy, four weeks after telling them what would happen, and leaving them to be separated, as tools instead of people.
Minia is sent to Memerchi, the inhabited planet only accessible by portal from Fyonia. Those who come to separate them take her, first, due to the portals only remaining open a short time. Rakaishi is taken, next, sent to Miceri’s Royal family. The country is a part of Fyonia, the planet, and neighboring Fyonia the kingdom, and the one they’d been living in, already. Lacera, apparently, is to be sent to the desert sitting under neither kingdoms rules.
As a tool, Rakaishi can see. Properly, more than a human with eyes could. As a tool, Rakaishi can watch as scientists study Azure’s accomplishments, with creating him, and hear what they might use the power for. This arrangement, his existence, wouldn’t have been possible with a soul born of magic.
Rakaishi doesn’t remember his exact age, but he knows it’s been nearly a century, since his soul was bonded to a tool, when they send him to Fyonia, the country. When they pass him off to the Royal family, a gift to celebrate the birth of a new heir. For said heir. They’ve replaced him, he thinks when he hears they’ve found Lacera. They would have more use for a tool they haven’t studied for so long already.
Did the same happen to Lacera, before? How was Minia’s situation, at all? He wouldn’t know, wouldn’t hear, couldn’t ask.
It’s comparable to a prison, the place he’s kept. Hidden from the person he was sent as a gift to. Is that for the best? Rakaishi doesn’t know what difference it would make, anyway. After all; at this point nobody remembers that there’s a person inside the magical tool they’ve gained access to.
A second child is born, but no gifts join him in the prison.
The queen of Fyonia dies. Rakaishi hears murmurs of this- rumors shared between magic experts- as they study him. Killed by her child- no more than five, so he hears- the child who he was meant to be a gift to. In their minds, he can hear fear, disgust, confusion.
Fourteen years after Rakaishi arrives in Fyonia he finally meets them. After being locked away and barely seen by a living person for that same time.
“Faroni-” It’s the kings voice. Rakaishi had heard it a few times over the past years, but he recognizes.
“You told people it was lost!” Footsteps. Then she’s there. The heir. The murder. The one whom he was meant to be a gift to. Red hair, pink eyes, decay. The magical sickness anglesion magic reacting to demecian, and vice versa, causes. Trailing over her collar bones, presumably from her chest. Twisting veins, dark lines, painful to look at. It must be permanent. And, there must be some magic keeping it from spreading and killing her.
“We can’t let just anyone know where it is! Azure’s tools are horribly powerful.”
“You mean you couldn’t let me know.”
“No. Faroni, listen-”
“It isn’t your decision. They sent it here as a gift to me, right?”
“Well- yes-”
“Then it’s my choice. Or will you stop me?” Kill her, she means.
“I wouldn’t.”
“Oh?” You want to, her thoughts say, loud enough Rakaishi doesn’t have to try to read them. She turns, fully facing him- the orb or angelsion magic she was gifted. “Then we at the very least tell those who gave it to us the truth. We could use this magic to…”
Erase decay. She reaches to her chest, grips the stone hanging from her neck. A decay stone, meant to absorb decay and slow its progress.
She reaches out, but doesn’t touch the orb. “It could amplify angelsion magic, yes? We could- maybe Hishimori’s legs…”
“You think I haven’t tried?”
“I think you didn’t try as much as you could have.” She glares at him. “Hiding it here, from me, you couldn’t without me knowing.”
She returns the next day, brother alongside her. Still red, his hair is darker, his eyes the red of her hair. Her other half- the other soul in her body- is visible, now. Fyonian children, with two souls, usually become one soul by ten. One dying off, leaving the other as the owner of name and body. But both are there, despite the fifteen years of age they must be.
So that’s where the decay spawned from. The demecian magic of the second soul, the angelsion magic of the first, unable to coexist in their singular body for so long.
“How is this even supposed to work?” The second soul asks, floating besides the first. Their appearances are so similar, yet the second’s hair is a deep black, and eyes green.
“I’m going to touch it.” The brother says, simply. Rakaishi wants to laugh, almost, at the blandness of his statement. “See if my magic is better.”
“And how will that help?”
“Blood magic is for healing, duh.” The brother- Hishimori, he thinks- stands on failing legs. They only move because of self-used magic. Blood being used to move them, instead of dissolving muscles. He reaches out, and the tips of his fingers reach Rakaishi.
Hishimori’s mother is dead, he doesn’t know how. He’s got a best friend who loves books. He feels more anger than he would tell anyone. He uses blood magic, his natural affinity. He’s angelsion. He doesn’t remember the other soul he once shared a body with. He thinks the power of the angelsion orb is terrifying.
Rakaishi can feel all of this at once. Hishimori flinches back, falling to the ground. Rakaishi can’t stop the use of his magic, but he can decide Hishimori is not the one he’ll eventually bind himself to.
“Hishimori!” The first soul- Faroni? She rushes to Hishimori’s side. “What happened?”
“It just surprised me. Lotta magic?”
“Lotta.” The second soul repeats. “So no go?”
“Not by myself.”
“We’ll try a healer, next.”
“Sure, sure. I’m going upstairs, okay?”
“Okay.”
He leaves, and the second soul stretches the distance she can get from her body to follow. Leaves Faroni there, with the orb. With Rakaishi.
“Do you think…this would undo decay?” From a distance, she reaches out. Too far to actually reach him. “Lizabella?” Insantity? It’s a Memerchian word. Fyonian dialect specific to the sister planet’s version of the language.
There’s a third soul. Rakaishi can hear her, now, though he can’t see her. Sitting inside the body, instead of taking presence in the physical plane, for now. He can hear her, though, clearly.
“Try it. At worst, you die.”
“You’d die too.”
“Oh? Are you worried about me? I thought you hated me, dearest?”
“You-” Faroni sighs, shaking her head. Silent, unsaid, there’s a twisting feeling of guilt and anger in her gut that Rakaishi can feel from a distance. “It wouldn’t hurt Mera, would it?”
“She plenty far away, now.”
“Right…”
Faroni prefers to be called Fara. Her magic affinity is fire. She didn’t kill her mother, herself, but she feels responsible. She worries her sister- the other soul, who’s left- is unhappy. She worries her brother is unhealthy. She worries the third soul- named Lizabella, despite the name being a word- is someone she could become. She doesn’t flinch when the overwhelming pressure of angelsion magic hits her, but fears it.
“There’s a person, here,” Rakaishi says, quiet. His voice can’t escape the orb he’s a part of. “I’m here.”
She does flinch, finally. Pulls back, gripping her own hand, face twisted in pain.
“Well?” Lizabella asks, voice teasing, amused. “Looks like it hurt, hm?”
“Shut up.”
“Oh, oh, so we’re not answering question now.”
“You could feel it.”
“True.”
Fara leaves in a rush. Rakaishi thinks, for a moment. If she returns, maybe she would be the one he forms a bond with.
Healers come and go, over the course of a week, but only them.
Rakaishi is surrounded in darkness, alone in the prison left to him by the staff. Is this the situation Minia is in? Lacera? Have they chosen someone, by now? Taken form again, and pretended to be alive, again?
Are they alive?
Rakaishi is startled by the approach of footsteps. Met by the form of Fara. She’s alone, now. He can’t feel the presence of either of the other souls she shares a body with. The only light in the room is sourced from him, but its enough to see the frown on her face.
“This is ridiculous.” Her muttering is to herself, as she approaches. “I could have sworn I felt-”
Silence. If she would reach forward, could he…
“Is there someone in there?” She asks, quiet, barely audible despite the silence. “How did Azure make you?”
Finally, she holds out both of her hands. At once, she grabs the orb, lifts it in her hands, and holds it to her chest. Afraid. Rakaishi is afraid. The magic there must be far too much to hold in such a way.
“I didn’t imagine, right?”
“I’m real.” Rakaishi doesn’t know if his voice can reach her, like this. “I’m here. Will you help me? Please help me. I-”
He’s sick of being stuck like he is. As an object.
“Okay.”
He feels like he’s being twisted apart. Stretched into form, into a body he hasn’t had in far too long. His vision fades, as he does, and he barely registers when he hits the ground, harshly. A gasp, as cloth- part of the altar-like structure he’d been kept on- falls over him.
“You really are a person.”
“I really am a person.” Rakaishi puts his face in his hands, able to feel for the first time in more than a century. “Thank you.”
Silence. He hears- feels- as Fara kneels beside him. Feels as she wraps something around him- her vest?
“We should- uh- probably take you upstairs.”
“Okay…”
Rakaishi learns many names, over the course of a month. Spends more time than that adjusting to seeing with magic, rather than sight, again. In the land of Fyonia, a magical tool regains human form, declaring himself Rakaishi, and declaring Fara his human bond.
“Why didn’t you do that sooner?” She asks, once.
“Because whoever I did it too would gain some access to my magic, even then.”
“But they already had access to it, when you were like that.”
“Yes but so did everyone else.”
“Hm.” She hums, acknowledging if not understanding. “And you’re okay with me having that? I’ve killed people, you know?”
“Lizabella did.”
A pause. “Oh.” And another. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“Nothing, never mind.” A sigh. “So, your name is actually Rakaishi.”
“Is that hard to believe?”
“Blinding light. A bit on the nose for the light-magic orb that become a blind child.”
“Hm. I chose it.”
“Oh?”
“Only two people know my original name.”
“I see.” Fara nods, Rakaishi thinks. “It’s a nice sounding name, at least.”
“Thank you.”
A year later, the second soul- Mera, or Meroni- abandons Fara. Leaving her with only Lizabella as internal company. She takes one of Fara’s friends- someone Rakaishi only knows by association- with her, tearing a group of what Rakaishi had enough time to realize was close friends, apart.
“Rakaishi, do you think… you made a mistake?”
“Why’s that?”
“Never mind.”
“You aren’t the reason they left, Fara.”
“If you say so, Rakaishi.”
Rakaishi reaches out, grabs the sleeve of her shirt. “Kai.”
“Warm?”
“Huh?”
“You said it.”
“No, my- my name. It was Kai.”
“Oh.” Fara pauses, then laughs. “It suits you.”
“Thanks.” Rakaishi laughs. “Warm?”
“Mhm. Did you not know what it meant?”
“It’s not a word.”
“Not anymore, maybe.”
“And yet you know it?”
“I don’t know if you knew, but one of my friends is a historian.”
“Ah, of course.” Rakaishi laughs. “Then do you know what your name means?”
“Flower.”
“In proper Fyonian? Sure. In Micerian?”
“I don’t know Miceri’s dialect very well.”
“Dearest person.”
“Oh.”
“Hm, in Fyonian proper that would be, Fairi Maebi, right?”
“Right. Should I change my name, too?”
“Probably not.” Fara laughs at that. “You know, when I was a child-”
“When you were?”
“Shush. When I was, for real, I was told I was probably going to die, soon.”
“How cruel.”
“Weren’t you told too?”
“Yeah.” Rakaishi feels her raise a hand, likely moving to touch the edges of decay. “We’re probably both supposed to be dead.”
“I’m glad you’re not.” Rakaishi is, he thinks genuinely. “I wouldn’t be human again.”
“Do you- are you glad you’re alive?”
“I-” Rakaishi pauses, shakes his head. “I can’t honestly say I know. However…”
“However?”
“I want to be, now. I want to…find Lacera and Minia. And I can only do that like this.”
“Can’t find your siblings as an orb, huh?”
“Right.”
“I’ll help you.”
“Thank you, Fairi.”
“Sure, Kai.”
In the land of Fyonia, a child by the name of Kai was born. The only child of parents not prepared to raise a magic-less child. Meant to die.
In Fyonia, a long-dead soul, living still, takes form as Rakaishi. Set with the goal of finding the siblings he gained- chose- through the life he wasn’t supposed to live long enough for.
There are places in the world that just have bad luck. Or, maybe, sometimes it’s the result of neglect, or incompetence. Whatever the reason, crime is casually part of day-to-day, from theft to murder, as are fires, and other such things.
Bad things happen here. It’s rare a day goes by without police or fire sirens filling space. If you leave the house you’ll probably see them, running towards the apartment building that most of the older folks live in, or towards the block of stores just a bit further. Another house burnt down? It’s not that strange. Your neighbors home is infested with rats? Well, the neighborhood has an infestation of wild cats, so they’ll take care of that. (You’re not supposed to feed the latter, despite any wants, so the rats are maybe a good thing, anyway. Unless you’re a fan of them, then maybe it’s the cats that you think are the problem.)
It’s raining, again? Are you surprised? It’ll probably flood, again, nobody’s bothered to prepare for that, yet again. It’s windy, again? Broken metal bars sliding under your home in the morning? Are you surprised?
It’s a small neighborhood. A bad one, too. Most people aren’t surprised if they hear one of your neighbors has been arrested. But you’re fine. You’e home is fine. Falling apart, maybe, but fine. The walls are filled with bee’s- no, yellowjackets- but that’s been the case for years. The wild animals- cats, mostly, there hasn’t been an opossum in a while- take refuge under your house. You can hear them, sometimes, fighting or otherwise running around beneath you, though it’s muted.
Bad things happen here.
Strangely- or not so strangely- the neighbors are doing work on there home, again. You’ve heard it throughout the day, but it’s dying down, now that it’s getting dark. Noise fading. You can hear the wind, mostly, lighter now than earlier in the day. Prepare for sleep, because you, yourself, have had a day.
There’s sound under your feet. Crawling, louder than usual. But, of course, you assume it’s the cats. It’s louder than you’re used to, more clear, like the sound is touching the floor, rather than just being under it, but you assume- with no other thoughts- that it’s just because it’s directly under you that you hear it so clearly. So shockingly close. Usually it’s under the house, sure, but it’s probably always further than it is now.
What else would it be, anyway?
Still, it unsettles you. The rain has been messing with the camera’s, and you’ve been watching probably too many horror videos. So you make a joking post about it, think that’ll ease your worries, and continue getting ready for sleep.
Your bed is near your window. It’s not as close as it used to be, when you realized it was too cold to sleep, but close enough you can reach it from your bed, if you really want. Because of this, you can usually hear sounds from the neighborhood. Hear car doors slam, hear neighbors in their yards, hear conversations if they’re loud enough, and hear the wind, when the trees are too loud.
You’re used to hearing the sounds of the neighbors. Though sometimes you worry about things in your yard- or in the shed- so you keep and ear out. If something is too close, you check. look out your window, perfectly pointed at the shed, in case it’s a thief. (Theft is far too common, here, after all.)
It’s always nothing. In the entire time you’ve lived here, it’s always been nothing.
There’s a sound, like something hitting the side of the house. The rain is lighter, so you don’t think it’s that, and the wind was meant to die down. Still, it’s probably nothing, you think. Think so for another minute, until you hear what sounds like scraping against the side of the house.
There’s always a chance the siding is coming away, so you should check. Always a chance it is a thief, so you should check. But you don’t want to, because you’re tired, and it’s late, and what would you do if it was? But you always do, despite this, so you get up.
Stand, rather than stay on your bed, so you can look out more clearly. Make your way to the window, and move the curtain- it’s actually a re-purposed blanket- to look outside.
You’re tired, and it’s dark, so you don’t process the sight immediately.
Then you’re on the ground, the curtain falling back into place, and your breaths catch in your throat. Because there is a person out there. Someone is out there. Someone is out there. And they saw you.
Of course they did. How could they not? When they’re pressed so closely against your window? Their face only inches- no, centimeters- away from it, hands pressed against the glass. Looking in, without subtlety, and a smile. Yellow, crooked, and too wide for someone sneaking around to have. Too much for a thief.
Shaky, hesitant, you return to your feet. Consider going back to the window- consider looking- but, no. No, you can’t. You should call the police. Phone is in the other room- a home phone, you don’t have your cellphone on you. It’s broken. Stumble towards your door, opposite the window. Then you hear the scraping, again, but it sounds like it’s moving further as you do.
There’s sound under your feet, again. Crawling, louder than usual, again. The sounds of rocks- what covers the ground under your house- shifting, being moved over. You freeze, your house’s noise does with you, floor boards creaking only a second longer than your movements go on. But the sound doesn’t stop, is closer, now, closer still, closer and-
You run. Into your door, as you rush to pull it open and run at the same time, and then past it. To the phone, shaking hands and labored breathes as you fumble, numbers coming to you too slowly.
Part of the siding is missing from the house, you find. There are scratch marks, up the siding that remains, leading to your window. Yet, whoever it is- you can’t describe them well enough, didn’t see clearly enough, were too bad at processing appearances in the first place- left no signs of who they were. And only you saw them, and only for a short time, so there’s nothing that can really be done.
Nothing to do.
Bad things happen, here. Weirdly, strangely, the stray cats have relocated, away from your home. You don’t hear them, anymore.
There’s a sound, under your feet, two days later. Scratching at the floor, too close. You’ve changed your locks- for no reason other than fearing they’re too old, that they wouldn’t have saved you- but still, you panic.
Wish you would write a fic where Seto and Crow get some sweet cuddles in
I was just writing a fragile dreams fic earlier so im super here for writing setocrow cuddles. so here’s a short little thing
Despite having traded goodbyes, Seto and Crow found themselves remaining in the amusement park. Seto, tired from his travels so far, wanting to wait until sunrise to leave- and get a nap within that time, hopefully- and Crow unwilling to leave Seto in the place on his own, now they there were, “best friends.”
That provided a problem, however, when Seto made a campfire and looked up to Crow. “If you’re going to stay, why don’t you take a nap too?”
There were many reasons why, beginning and ending with the fact that Crow can’t sleep. Unable- unwilling- to say as much, Crow shrugs and sits beside Seto. “What, can’t sleep on your own?”
“I can! I just thought you might be tired too, with all that running from me.” Seto frowns- pouts, really- and Crow laughs, poking the others cheek.
“You keep telling yourself that.”
They sit in relative silence after that- something Crow struggles to maintain- until Seto’s eyes start to droop, tiredness setting in. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, Crow wonders what that feels like. When Seto starts to sway, Crow grabs his arm on instinct, allowing Seto to fall towards- onto- him, rather than the ground. Though that might not being any better, really. Just as cold and likely uncomfortable. Seto doesn’t seem to notice, leaning against Crow without waking from his newly found sleep.
Rolling his eyes, Crow wraps an arm around Seto, setting them into a hopefully more comfortable position. Crow wouldn’t really be able to tell, anyway. Unable to sleep, but unwilling to move now that Seto is asleep and leaned into him, Crow closes his eyes and lets his thoughts drift.
When Seto wakes, just as the sun is beginning to rise, Crow will feign waking, too. Until then, he holds his new best friend, and waits.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Characters: Evan Hansen, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen)
Additional Tags: referenced suicide attempts, (theyre vague but there), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies
Series: Part 4 of Pain-Verse
Summary:
Seventeen year old Evan had done the same thing, two years ago. Had stared at the ceiling feeling bad for himself. His arm was broken, at the time. Would be, for a while after that. Would be even when seventeen year old Evan became eighteen year old Evan, and he’d gotten better. And he had a friend, and someone understood. That had been progress, too. That had been a step.
He’s further from that, now. Two years is a lifetime, and he’s better, he thinks. Not good, never good, but better.
