No one is ever allowed to tell me that Aziraphale abandoned Crowley because he didn't feel the same way. He knew damn well what Crowley meant and he wanted it too. He wanted "an Us". He knew he would have been happy with Crowley.
It's just that he would have also felt guilty and selfish. And he knows Crowley would too.
Hey. Hey you! Yeah you. How’s it going? Great fine, fine, fine HEY have you ever noticed just how much Crowley is struggling to hold onto his emotions here?
Have you ever really looked at his Adams Apple as it just bobs up and down. How his eyes are wildly and desperately looking everywhere but at Aziraphale? How masterful at portraying holding back crying David Tennant is?
Oh you haven’t, but you’re totally going to do that all day now? Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool.
From Before the Beginning, Aziraphale saw the dangers of how heaven functioned. He didn't buy in to their arbitrary judgments and cruelty. He wanted to protect that joyful Starmaker, but didn't have any power. Without hesitation, he sheltered that same lovely Being from the strangeness of that first rainstorm on the Garden Wall. He risked damnation when he unflinchingly gave away his flaming sword to protect the first humans, and he willingly chose damnation (so he believed) when he lied to save Job's children.
That was a long time ago. One might wonder if the closer he got to Crowley, the fewer risks he was willing to take. One might even suspect that, as their bond solidified, Aziraphale's abundance of caution was (maybe perhaps possibly) even more focused on protecting Crowley than on protecting himself...
In the S2 Finale, Crowley set himself up to subtly challenge the Metatron, while Aziraphale played the fool, fawning and anxious and ever-so-surprised. Yet just minutes ago, he confidently scolded heaven's archangels and hell's top demons like they were a bunch of unruly schoolchildren, bell-ringing and all!
The set up for the Metatron was a performance. A magic show. Look at Crowley, focus on Crowley, he's sassy, he's a rebel, he wants to find out your secrets and take you down. Don't look at poor, weak, nervous Aziraphale!
Because... Scroll up and look at that title screenshot of "poor, weak, nervous Aziraphale." That's strength. That's not an angel ready to give up and walk away without a fight.
Now, I'm not saying Our Ineffables knew exactly what the Metatron's plans were. The Final 15 was painful for a reason. But, whatever was to come, Our Ineffables needed to lull the Metatron into totally underestimating Aziraphale. What a daring cliff-hanger, that we might have been lulled right along with him...
Crowley is determined and astute, and Aziraphale is smart and clever, and together they are already a dedicated and loving "Us." An Old Married Couple. They didn't wait 6000 years for this peaceful, fragile existance together to just throw it away in FIFTEEN MINUTES.
They've spent their entire lives focused on strategizing to survive dangerous regimes. They've spent millennia focused on surviving together, protecting each other. One of the strategies that protects them both is Crowley's act of devil-may-care boldness. Another is Aziraphale's mask of fawning obedience.
In S1, learning to break out from behind that mask is Aziraphale's actual character arc. We watch him grow to where he is no longer trapped behind it, where he believes in his own courage and uses it. At the air base he's prepared to hurl himself against the might of Satan, if necessary. He then goes into Hell Itself, not knowing for sure what he would face (Agnes only predicted fire -- that wasn't what hell would use against a demon!). He sasses the Prince of Hell, asks for a rubber duck, taunts Michael to miracle him a towel, and threatens all the Powers that Be.
He wasn't simply "channeling Crowley" --
That little nose squinch tells us he is completely himself! It's his own bravery, his own act of facing down his demons, metaphorically and literally! And he feels damned good about it!
We see this new confidence throughout S2. He is completely at ease with Crowley now, all the time. He confides in him, flirts with him, and fights with him without fear. The trust is immense, and ever-so-comfortable. We're also shown more than just fluff and fun -- Aziraphale boldly confronts a hoarde of demons armed with a candlabra and his intelligence, protecting 2 humans and a helpless Jimbriel with clever strategies and a well-timed halo.
So what happened in that final episode of S2? What was all that fluttery nonsense about after Crowley identified the Metatron?
Exactly that. It was Fluttery Nonsense.
As the above gif cycles 'round, I ask you to please focus on Azi. Watch his first reaction to the Metatron's entrance. (The screenshot at the top is from this moment.) Watch Aziraphale's face change as he focuses on the man who just entered. He literally does a double-take! One eyebrow arches sharply upwards, and he tilts his head in a deep frown.
Double-takes happen when someone is surprised, or shocked. We might do a double-take when we run into someone we know whom we weren't expecting to see just then. Someone we didn't want to see. Aziraphale isn't reacting to some unknown elderly human with peculiarly bad timing who happened to wander in. If that's what he really thought, he'd flutter himself right over to hurry the fellow out of the shop and far away from Michael's pillar-of-salt threats.
Instead, we see Aziraphale's face rapidly cycle (Bless you Michael Sheen, master of the microexpression!) from casual curiosity to surprise to an expression that, if we saw it on Crowley, we would call anger.
Then we're given a bit of distraction ourselves. The camara quickly cuts back to the Metatron and his exchange with the befuddled archangels. "Balderdash! ...complete Piffle!"
The camara returns again to Aziraphale. We are being distracted, but they aren't trying to cut us out of the subtext. It's there -- it flashes by on Aziraphale's face so quickly, it can feel more like intuition than observation (they did cast Michael Sheen, after all!). But the actor put it there and the director wanted it there, or it wouldn't be there.
Aziraphale's jaw tightens. He's reluctant to look away as he turns to observe Michael. He is not reacting to a doddering human that would already need rescued. He's reacting to a much greater danger.
These two shots return to Aziraphale for a reason. We are meant to see them. Together, they confirm that he did recognize the Metatron.
So far, the Metatron is preoccupied with embarrassing the archangels, and hasn't focused on "foolish little Aziraphale" yet. Our Angel quickly goes back behind his Mask, and when Crowley identifies the Floating Giant Head, Azi plays his role well.
Ohhhhhh! The METATRON!
Do we believe what we saw just moments ago? The quickly hidden flashes that reveals the reality behind the trick? Or, like the audience in a magic show, do we follow the distraction?
Aziraphale isn't terrific at magic. But he always succeeds when it matters most.
*****
When danger stalks your every move, it's to your advantage to make sure your opponent doesn't know what you're capable of, what skills you have, and how much you know. If they underestimate you, they may not scrutinize you quite so closely. It allows for the possibillity of some self-protective slight of hand.
Crowley didn't try to distract the Metatron because poor Aziraphale needed protection. (Of course, they are both always trying to protect each other!) Crowley distracted the Metatron so that Aziraphale could hide his awareness, his strength. It's a strategic advantage, and Our Ineffables always work best as a team.
And if they already were trying their damnedest at teamwork and misdirection when the Metatron first arrived, I think it bodes well for what they might have scraped together in that Final 15.
I think it bodes very well indeed...
*****
I'm here to give the fandom hope. Never false hope or pipe dreams.
Only Hope built on substance. Ineffable Hope.
*****
If you enjoyed this, and might like to consider more reasons to hope, you might enjoy some of the links I have to my older essays in the text. They lay the groundwork for believing in the strength of Our Ineffables.
I've also recently posted step-by-step screenshot evidence that, not only could the Meta-Dastard clearly see Through the Window into the bookshop (from his lurking position across the street - omg! S1/S2 Bookends!) during the Final 15 here, but also that Azi knew the whole time, and was signaling Crowley. And that Crowley saw him too, here in Part II.
Thanks for your own Ineffable Hopes...
To Our World!🥂✨
(This post was inspired by a discussion in the comments with @idcllc. Hold on to hope, my friend!)
And it was terrifying and it might backfire horribly and it hurts and will haunt the angel to the end of ... eternity, but he loves his demon and so he took the HARDER path.
ohhhhhh man they better make up for that kiss in the finale. three years and i haven’t stopped thinking about it. what a mess.
instead of “do it again” from aziraphale can we have “can i try again” from crowley??? maybe also a please and maybe even an i’m sorry?? i would love to see some sort of reconciliation