What happens when you realise your life is yours?
When you suddenly discover it's yours for the making, that it's entirely up to you how things are going to go?
You can't always pick the direction... sometimes you find yourself walking a path you believe you'd never choose... in fact, maybe you hardly ever get to choose the path. But I find (and keep finding) that it's what you DO with the path you're on that matters. It matters hard; it matters big like a mountain.
What you choose to do with what you're given... that's where the joy begins.
Last night at camp as wind rattled the tent and the night dipped into cold, my boy got his asthma back. He ended up coughing and weeping and totally overwhelmed. He was near panic, needing us to take good care, lift him out of the struggle, fix everything. As we hustled him out of the tent and into the shelter of the car, I felt all snarly and enraged, felt like shaking my fist at the world and saying, 'What did we ever do to you???!' And there was talk of leaving, finally bailing, accepting defeat. But it was close to midnight, so we settled my boy into the car with his sleeping bag and pillow, my husband beside him, and we grimly hunkered down 'til morning.
In the middle of the night I had to pee. I trudged across that long, cold field in the gusty wind, muttering and huddled in my jacket, wishing everything was different. But as I walked I suddenly thought, 'Hey. Hey. Why fight so hard? Why feel so lost? Look up!'
So I did.
And saw a sky wild with stars. A sky bright and fiery, just gloriously alight. After the expected 'Wow!' I thought, 'Hey, Self. What if you just accepted all of this...What if you just kept on? What if?'
And somewhere in the remaining trudge across that ginormous field, in the peeing, in the turning matters over in my mind, my view flipped. Suddenly...in that crazy wind and the nose-nipping cold, I felt exhilarated...the 'Bring It On!' kind. The kind where a tramp across a field to the loo at 3am becomes a triumphant stride back under a blazing sky. The kind where you suddenly feel wholly alive, almost in awe of the adventure you're on. What will happen next? Bring it On! Bring it ON.
And we slept so well, my little family and I. My girl and I like beans in our sleeping bags, snuggled close. My husband and boy in the quiet warmth of the car. All of us... we rested well and slept deeply. No more coughing, no drama, just real rest. What a surprise.
As for today? Well, the sun has done its thing again and risen. We're awake, well fed, alive. So, Bring It, world. Show me what you've got.
