Nov 19, 2020
what if this isn't it? what if life goes on, what if this is not where you stop? what if you are meant to go on, go on, till it finds you, till one day you wake up in the sun and you finally belong
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what if this isn't it? what if life goes on, what if this is not where you stop? what if you are meant to go on, go on, till it finds you, till one day you wake up in the sun and you finally belong
zondag 11 oktober, 02:08 am
i have never felt as alive as i do when i am with him
and when i get there please be there too and please please take my hand again and drag me, drag me along anywhere you go and i go with you and please please please let me look at you let you look at me again, again, like we’ve done before but this time please let me, let me if you let me, because you make me feel so fucking alive, really alive, with you i am alive, together we are alive together so please come live with me for another night, and we can forget about it all the next morning though we never did before, and please please please let the alcohol take over for once, let our fears slip away, away, and please come feel alive with me again, and please let me kiss you this time, too. you look beautiful and you make me feel beautiful and so fucking seen and i want to listen to you forever and as you lay in my bed next to me not so long ago and even after the light had been turned off you talked and talked and kept talking as if you had never been allowed to open your mouth before i existed with you there and i listened and i want to listen forever and let me just enjoy these last few months with you let me just feel alive with you so much and i will think of it forever
can i just.. sander's character has made me so much more comfortable with myself. i hadn't been diagnosed for long before we got to watch their story and i was terrified. i still am, but i think i've come to learn that i am more than just my mental illness. that i can love. that my feelings aren't fake just because of an mi. learnt that things can still be good, and that i am not an outlier or freak, and that i do deserve things. i was very ashamed of who i was. sometimes i still am. ashamed of ignoring every responsibility and just painting for days, ashamed of staying in bed and sleeping for weeks sometimes, of wanting to cry the second i hear space oddity because it takes me back to those vague memories of my father and to the time where my guitar teacher taught me to play that song and how everything was seemingly better then. ashamed of excitement and euphoria and passion. ashamed of numbness and depression and fear. ashamed of an intensity bigger than myself. and it is so very cliché, and perhaps i should be ashamed to say this, too. but sander's character has taught me not to be so ashamed. and so i have learnt to shine with these shames instead. to shine in my art and my love for music and the way i see and feel this universe and everything it has. i am still learning. and it's not easy. but sander's character has shown me i am not learning alone.
every time after i watch montage of heck i'm just an emotional mess. yet i still decide to watch it again and again
ohno finn has yet another celebrity crush that is a man with brown curly hair who plays guitar and has a nice voice, but this time he's german! go listen to this song its so fucking GOOD and the smile..... i'm dead
you took another picture of me today and then you commented on how happy i looked on it. and i wondered.. you really don't know how easy happiness becomes when i'm with you, do you? i don't even have to reach for it. happiness stares me right in the eyes when we're together. we sang again today. i missed half of the words because i couldn't stop smiling. you forced us to take the long way home and i joked you're lucky you're my best friend. i'd always take the long way with you. you feel more like a home than a house ever could. last year you once said you spend more time with me than your own family. last week you called me family. i may not be happy but i am happy with you. we are happy together even when we are not
"i hope you fall in love with being alive" is so powerful like. i hope you fall in love with being alive every single second of your life. i hope you love life so much and love it over and over again. i hope you love life despite everything and i hope you live, really live, and love it. i hope you fall again and again and again, every day, every new start, you fall in love with being alive. i hope you find things that make you feel alive and things that make you love feeling alive.