#first read more

[fatgoatboi]

[yunbumie]

KYHD is not the song to be listening to when you're mad at someone let me tell you

[shslnoir]

i love sary mue

and dierk

and mikio and ikeda and ryo (rip marina)

and seba

and hanna and alfred and florence and other florence

and mr. fluffy head cruise captain 

and coffee kaede

and jumpy kaede

and massage guy kaede

and ume

i love you ALL  i swear to motherfudgdoodlin jageegus

im so glad this is my first read more 

[hollowsky]

[arbitrary-point]

Sophmore Year

[vacuousregistrant]

I think I lack balance.

tl;dr: I'm out of whack, guys.

I can't seem to get this work done in a timely manner due to all the time spent procrastinating, which screws with my sleep patterns. As I sit here typing this, I have plenty of work (and a chore or two) that is waiting to be finished.

I'm having trouble with keeping track of my schedule on a larger basis -- that is, essays are starting to become an issue, as is general planning for homework.

I need to instate some structure.

On top of that, I think I'm still a little too connected to home. There are a few people that I would love to see right now that I simply can't due to distance and whatnot. It's a small problem that shouldn't exist, in my opinion.

I don't even really know how to explain that one. I just really miss like, three people from home. That's about all I'm going to say on that one.

I also have to keep my emotional-dependent tendencies in check, which is really hard when I've been single for so bloody long. Not that I'm whining about it, but I don't function totally right when I'm out of a relationship for too long. Messes with my sense of self-worth in ways that are hard to quantify. Equatable to a permeating sense of incompleteness, which just kinda sucks. Not that it's always present, but if I notice it, then it's hard to shake.

[dontmakemechokeaginge]

Personal

I have mild philophobia (fear of falling in love) and severe Gamophobia which is the fear of getting married. 

I never really understood why. I mean I know I haven't had the best childhood but I'm sure haven't had the worst. I always kinda of assumed that the reason I'm like this is because it seems like everyone I grew up around never loved each other. My parents despise each other to the point that i'm afraid one day one of them is going to end up murdering the other. My grandpa has been married and divorced 5 times. My grandma remarried an alcoholic and every time I stay at their house he comes home a 4 am and starts screaming at her.No one in my family shows affection so thus, I grew up not knowing what real love looked like. Its especially hard to look at all these teenagers now a days say that they love a person the first time they go out.My best friend always tells me that one day I will fall in love when I know that it will be impossible with my commitment issues and I will only end up hurting them. 

Oh jesus that turned out longer than it should have 

Sorry for my rant