Oh my gosh. This very first regeneration. It’s it’s. Well, even better than I thought.
The way they have the Doctor dressed in the same clothes as the pilot? The way he reverted back into his grumpier state this whole serial? The way Polly is very much a helpless damsel in distress who’s just screaming, like Susan had been?
There’s so many layers to this transition that makes it work on so many extra levels.
Ok so luke and I have been reacting to doctor who (he has been re-reacting and I've been reacting because I have never watched doctor who before in my life?!) and we have finished season 1 now, so here is the finale!! you should deffo watch the rest! No spoilers pls!!!!!!!
"I told you not to play around with that thing! Didn't I tell you not to play around with that thing?"
The six year old looked down at the rather important device in question. She was sitting in the dust at a dig, having at first contented herself with drawing little plots like the adults were making– and then, having grown bored of that, getting into River’s gadgets. She’d managed to pop a button out of the socket and completely relieve it of its batteries.
A Glimpse at the Hourglass || One-Shot - I,II,II,IV
Words: 2,228
Pre-Regeneration one-shot.
It had been ages, years even, since the Wanderer had been so far back amongst the old rooms. They all kept something within them. The main foyer and hallway were all more polished than she’d remembered the being before, with photos on the walls of lives she could only remember and people who she didn’t quite want to remember. Everything was a modern gold with a few timeless pieces and the Wanderer figured sooner or later she’d be able to claim one of the rooms in the shared living quarters for herself.
Three doors were facing her, one on each wall. She knocked on each one, tapping out a distinct pattern that was her own and within minutes, they all opened and a familiar face greeted her from behind each one.
“To what do we owe the pleasure, Wanderer?” The tallest of the three women asked in a bitter tone. She had always been the hostile one of the bunch.
Back when the Wanderer was a blonde.
“I just wanted a chat with you lot Christina. Nothing more.” The Wanderer explained, sitting down on one of the chairs while the taller of the two brunettes with curly shoulder length hair sat across from her along with the shortest of them all while Christina, blonde and the tallest, remained standing and leaned back against the wall.
“Good, we’re talking, this is exciting. Haven’t seen you in a while Wanderer.” The shortest one asked, her hazel green eyes locking with her blue ones, already interrogating her. “Is everything alright?”
“Of course not.” Christina interrupted her younger self, standing up from the wall to stalk behind the grouped chairs. “She never comes down here, and why would she, she hates us, we remind her of everything that’s gone. Isn’t that right Ginge?” Christina scowled at her, eyes severe and cold, even colder than her already icy blue ones.
“Get over your differences you two,” The second eldest interrupted, combing aside her curly hair. “Time is a cruel mistress, but you can both be so unreasonable. I think this is why I had such a hard time being the middle one.” She grinned before flinching slightly, most likely a tick from her instability.
“Thanks Wanda.” The Wanderer smiled softly before letting out a breath. “I was wondering if I could pick out my room soon.” She asked, raising her blue eyes to see everyone in the room stare at her with the same dumfounded look of disbelief.
“Wanderer?” Chrissy, the youngest of them all asked again with a softer voice. “What’s going on?”
She was the eldest in the room, the eldest of them all and yet she felt like a child, sitting alone on one side of the room, the one that would hold the door with the roman numerals IV on it for her. She’d been around for a while, why was this such a surprise for them all?
“I just have a feeling.” The Wanderer explained. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be back here with you lot sooner than later.” She half smiled, jokingly trying to bring in a smile or two instead of the continuous and lasting looks of shock and disbelief.
“You’ve still got some time Wanderer.” Wanda said. “There will always be a room for you, but only when it’s your time. You’ve still got a while left.”
“I saw her.” The Wanderer interrupted her younger incarnation, her breath caught in her throat as the words fell short. She couldn’t continue even though everyone in the room begged her to.
“What do you mean you saw her?” Chrissy asked, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head to the side. It was a usual habit of hers when she was confused, the wanderer remembered when she did it, back when she was that young and innocent, back when she was her.
“Shut up Chrissy.” Christina interjected. “We all know what it means. It means that you’d better get your goodbyes ready Wanderer.” She continued, her cold eyes turning again towards the Wanderer, who felt the knife dive into her core. “Do it while you can, hell, I never got the chance to.” She finished, crossing her arms with a scowl perfectly disrupting the features of her face. It was a rare occasion when that woman wasn’t scowling.
“Don’t tell me to shut up Christina, and bloody hell be nice to the damn woman!” Chrissy shouted at her one up older self, standing from the chair and jabbing a finger towards the Wanderer. Wanda rolled her eyes and the Wanderer figured it was a regular occurrence for the two to break out into a fight. “We all know what she’s been through, she’s been through the guilt we’ve left her with, that I left you with, and that you left Wanda with, and now what Wanda has left her with including what she’s been through herself. Stop thinking this world revolves around you, just because you lived the longest out of us does not make you anything more than the rest of us!” Chrissy finished, her eyes tearing up as she bit down on her bottom lip. She sat back down in her chair and hugged her knees to her chest.
“At least the three of you had someone in your life. Don’t forget how lucky you are for that.” Wanda added as a side comment, her eyes never meeting anyone’s and instead focusing on the ground.
The Wanderer let out a sigh as Christina did the same.
“I just wanted to talk with you all before anything happened, before I was placed back here, with you, in memory as supposed to my own consciousness.” The Wanderer explained, resting her elbows on her knees.
“You want us to prepare you, don’t you?” Christina chuckled humorlessly.
The Wanderer bit back tears and her silence spoke volumes.
“There isn’t a right way to get ready to die Wanderer, there never is, never was and never will be.” Christina continued, finally taking a seat in the chair right next to the red head. “So don’t cry, we’re supposed to be the tough ones of the bunch, yeah?” She laughed, finding that her own eyes were glazed with a thin layer of tears.
“How do you know?” Chrissy asked, raising her signature eyebrow. “I never knew, and I doubt anyone but Wanda knew but that was only because it was because of the instability, not any physical means.” She tried to make reason of it, but no reason came. For the youngest of them, she seemed to ask the most questions and in turn, acquire the most knowledge.
“I just do, it’s gut feeling that’s killing me. I get out of bed in the morning, and see all the faces that know this one, and I’m on the edge of tears. It’s never happened before.” She shook her head, wiping away the tears that had started to pool in her eyes. Why was she crying? Why was she so scared of this, it had happened before, three times to be exact. Three times got her the face she wore now, the one with the bright red hair, bright blue eyes and the calm professional demeanor. She’d been scared before, but never quote like this.
As if reading her mind, which was quite possible since they were so close as far as the order of her incarnations went, Wanda offered her a warm smile.
“You’ve had the most to give up. Chrissy left everything, it was already gone, Christina lost everything when it died along with her,” A brief silence filled the room and heads were bowed in honor of the lost love that had never quite left her life. “and I never had anything to loose. I wasn’t afraid, more relieved as you know. It was my time and thank the cosmoses that my mind could finally be rid of the damn fire inside it.” Wanda continued. “You have a life, a job, friends, all stable and constant. You’re afraid of waking up and seeing their faces when they don’t recognize you, you’re afraid of change and you’re afraid of being different and them not always being there.” Every word hit her hard in the chest, the knife that had already been imbedded by Christina before now tuned with every thought that Wanda brought up.
“Stop.” Chrissy murmured with tears in her eyes. “Stop haunting her with your thoughts.” She said as she rose from her curled up position on her chair and strode towards her eldest self to date. She sat down on the arm of her chair and took one of her hands in both of hers. “Wanderer, you are a brave, smart, courageous woman. You’ve given the universe so much and honestly, it’s time for a rest. You may not have lived the longest, but you certainly did live life to the fullest. You lived, you lost, you found and you gained. I was growing up, but you were able to take all the experiences from us and use them.” There was a wide smile now on her face that was contagious. Wanderer felt a curl at the edges of her lips and she glanced to see Christina and Wanda, thoughtful in their reflections of their lives, but with smiles the same. “My life was youth, Christina’s was death, and Wanda’s was pain. Yours was life and success.” She gave her eldest self’s hand a squeeze before she found herself being pulled down into the red head’s arms.
There was the voice that spoke to her constantly, Christina. It had always been her who spoke to her when she was in doubt, and she never seemed to leave her alone. No matter what face she wore, what she looked like or how she acted, she would always be this small child who grew up to die too young in her life after facing sacrifices and losses that no one should face all in one life. She was the strongest, she was the first.
“It’ll be alright. You can come down here with us and we can have a slumber party, braid each other’s hair and watch bad movies from memories.” Chrissy continued, returning the Wanderer’s embrace.
The Wanderer stood up after Chrissy did and wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. It was so peculiar to see herself and the evolution of who she’d become. Chrissy; youngest of them and the most innocent, wore a sporty hoodie and rolled up jeans that showed a good bit of her lower calf and ankle, untouched and perfect skin. Christina; the more feisty and definitely hostile and isolated one, wore jeans that touched her tall boots, making her height succeed the rest of them even more than it already did. She hid the scar that ran up her left leg, and never let it show. Wanda; the second eldest to date, wore tights and a skirt as well as a blouse with a neckline that kept her chest covered, hiding the blistering white patches of skin where bullets had ended her previous self’s life. And finally her, the Wanderer, the woman she was at the present and never wanted to stop being. She had been born out of fire, out of the chaos of her instability. She was scared both physically and mentally. Of everyone, she was the most worn and beat up and she wondered if it would lead her to the short lifespan she was bound to have. Five years wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough to finish anything. Not at all.
“You’re passing the torch.” Chrissy said with a soft comforting smile. “Just like the rest of us did.”
“I’m not ready to die.” The Wanderer’s voice was just above a whisper as she tried to hold back tears.
“None of us were.” Chrissy said, taking her hand again in hers while Christina and Wanda did the same, gathering together in a circle, all holding hands with one another.
The Wanderer felt a pain in her chest and she allowed her eyes to slip shut and the tears run down her cheeks. When she opened her eyes, she found herself where she’d always been, in her living room in Cardiff.
Closing her eyes again, she found herself outside the gold room, closing the black door that sealed it all off; who she was, who she had been and everything that came with it. The door closed at the back of her mind that kept her instability tamed and she left it be. Shut and never to be opened by her again. It was a dangerous place to be, in the deepest pits of one’s own mind and memories. Her mind palace was massive, it had to be for a life as long as hers, and it only kept growing with every second that passed. With every face she wore, another room was created to lock her previous incarnation away in.
It was nice to see they were all content with one another, living in the same area of her mind. It was nice to know that she would be accepted there when it was her time.
“I’m not ready to die.” She said aloud, opening her eyes once again.
