A Vanilla Prick wants me because I don't want him
He's lonely, desperate, and on the lamb
His ex-wife is chasin' his bank account
He thinks he can hide under my mattress
Squeeze in my closet
And nestle against my bosom like a baby lion
But I'm not your fucking mother, Vanilla Prick
A Vanilla Prick isn't always white
In fact, nine times out of ten, he's black as Africa
But skin don't matter, I can see his insides
He tastes like VANILLA
Like a virgin, he's only had sex with his ex-girlfriend
He never learned how to please a woman
That's why she left you, asshole!
She didn't give a rat's ass that you gained ten pounds, you stupid fuck
Just wanted a good time, and you failed to deliver
A Vanilla Prick loves the rat race
He's gettin' his steps in
Makin' those gains
Those muscles fail to impress me, Vanilla Prick
Not only do I find them asthetically displeasing
But, as a bonus, I've learned that a muscular men taste Vanilla
I want to fuck a cyborg, thanks
Tall or short, happy or sad
As long as he knows what the fuck he's doing
Actually, you know what?
I'm an excellent teacher
Give me a virgin, sure
I'll show them what I like
But stay the fuck away from me, Vanilla Pricks
Your ex-boyfriend tainted you
This Vanilla Prick was bisexual when I met her at the LGBT club
But her ex-boyfriend, Prince Eric, lowered her self esteem
Now she thinks she can take that out on me?
I'm sorry, did my C cups resemble his man tits?
Did I forget to shave my fucking mustache again?
My bad, this is so all on me
Listen up, Butch, you're a Hello Kitty Batman Vanilla Prick
You're obsessed with sex, erotica, monster fucking, etcetera
But you can't even be arsed to give me a fucking hug?
What a frigid Vanilla Prick
Oh, I'm sorry, how politically incorrect of me
You aren't frigid, you're asexual
My bad, my bad, let's Just Be Friends
In fact, I was looking for a roommate that doesn't secretly want to fuck me
How convenient!
Do you promise not to secretly wish you could fuck me?
If so, let's get married
Pardon, let's be roommates, I should say
Queer - Platonically, of course
Ah, I'm not allowed to flirt with my female coworkers?
I'm only allowed to have one night stands with stupid straight men?
Why, if we're just roommates?
Ooooooh, and now I'm not allowed to marry my girlfriend Robin? That's funny, my Daddy said the same thing. He ALSO told me to stay away from women and only have sex with straight men
Well, technically he told me he wanted me to find a husband, but it's synonymous, honey
Why are you fucking crying?
We're just roommates!
That's what you told your family, isn't it?
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE EVEN HAVING SEX, YOU POSSESSIVE DYKE
What do you mean, you secretly wanted to be more than roommates since we met at the LGBT club in 2015?
You
SAID
You
Did
Not
Want
To
Have
Sex
With
Me
You psychotic cunt!
Listen, I understand
Bitches be crazy
However, I'm damn tired of Vanilla Pricks treating me like fucking trash
Do you want to fuck or not?
Don't tease me, baby
What, did he think I wanted to look at a photograph of his penis?
Was it supposed to impress me?
I looked at it, shrugged, and said, "Look, are you DTF or not?"
He said, "I'm married!"
What a Vanilla Prick
