#flight haikus

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Flight haikus #33-40

#33 (LHR - ORD)

Holy fucking shit after an eighteen-month wait I AM ON A PLANE

#34 (ORD - LHR)

I'm not religious but I prayed so hard that my bags would show up safe

#35 (LHR - ATH)

The guy next to me struck up a conversation Shocker: not British

#36 (ATH - LHR)

In which you accept some airlines are basically just flying buses

#37 (LHR - ORD)

Sometimes eight hours is too long to sit quietly wrapped up in your thoughts

#38 (ORD - MCO)

What time is it now? (What day is it?) In any case: It's time for champagne

#39 (MCO - DFW)

So sick of COVID. Dumb reason for keeping all the good lounges closed

#40 (DFW - LHR)

You know you slept well when you're asked if your sleep was chemically induced

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Flight haikus #24-25

#24 (LHR - HEL)

Turns out one can’t just sidle up and take a free seat in business class

#25 (HEL - LHR)

I’m kicking myself for not going to sauna in the Finnair lounge

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Flight haikus #1-6

#1 (LHR - ORD)

Second one to use the loo. How is the damn floor already wet?!

#2 (ORD - BGR)

“Overhead bin space” implies that there’s actually some space overhead

#3 (BGR - CLT)

Barnyard Builders from the DIY Network is what’s on TV here

#4 (CLT - ...CLT, as it turns out)

Five hours onboard, then cancelled. Glad I remembered extra underwear

#5 (CLT - JFK)

Any flight’s better than spending eighteen hours in a shitty airport

#6 (JFK - LHR)

I just fell asleep and you’re telling me to put my seat back upright

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Flight haikus #50-51

[after a long break — from haikus, that is, not flights — I am back again]

#50 (LGW - PRG)

Airplane law dictates middle seat gets the armrests it was ever thus

#51 (PRG - LGW)

Empty airport, plane — perhaps my loyalty could be negotiable

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Flight haikus #45-49

#45 (LHR - HEL)

Marimekko cups cannot disguise just how cheap this airline is

#46 (HEL - TLL)

A flight so short, there's not even time to pull the bar cart out

#47 (HEL - LHR)

Now that I want to use the sauna in the lounge it is not open

#48 (STN - GLA)

How is it the case I could board a flight without proving who I am?!

#49 (GLA - STN)

Cramped EasyJet flight: somehow, the least stressful part of today's ordeal

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Flight haikus #41-44

#41 (LHR - ORD)

Champagne while working Though decent attempts were made, multitasking's hard

#42 (ORD - LHR)

The Wi-Fi's broken. Seven sweet, sweet hours to be truly off the grid

#43 (LHR - ORD)

No upgrade for me so he sat with me in coach true love does exist

#44 (ORD - LHR)

I'm getting older, flights longer, ocean larger, eye circles darker

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Flight haikus #30-32

#30 (LHR - ORD)

One drink; well-behaved. Still, there’s no good response to “No, you’ve had enough” ( ... ! )

#31 (ORD - RDU)

Turbulence is fun assuming you’ve had champagne in the elite lounge

#32 (RDU - LHR)

Bottle of champagne gifted to me when I woke. Happiest birthday!

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Flight haikus #19-21

#19 (LHR - JFK)

Eight hours can be the most interminable length of time known to man

#20 (LGA - PHL)

Could’ve done without the false ‘we’ll be two hours late’. Get it together

#21 (PHL - LHR)

Flying business class: You sleep, and therefore do not enjoy business class