FLO & JOAN
I like tea. It’s my comfort drink. I like to drink it in the morning and before I go to bed. It’s soothes me. I think I prefer Earl Grey the best, but I tend to flip around between Bengal Spice and nutty teas. I also have an emotional soft spot for a blueberry tea. I crave that tea some mornings and nights, but usually after I eat blueberries or feel the texture of a cheesecake on my tongue.
Flo & Joan, best known for their food blog, littlenibblers.tumblr.com, have never tasted tea before. Yes, they drink tea, but for some unknown reason they cannot process the flavours or smell any soothing aromas. I find it bizarre. Thus, it had become my mission during their stay in Canada to explain or even give them some kind of tea “taste” experience.
There’s a movie called MASK starring Cher and Eric Stoltz, and in one scene Stoltz’s character Rocky explains what colours look like to his visually impaired girlfriend by associating a physical feeling with a colour. This form of explanation was a perfect example for my approach, but that all depends on what the lawyers say.
On May 8th, 2017, I asked Flo Dempsey and Joan Dempsey to join me in an experience that will change their lives. They were finally going to feel the flavour of teas. Their first tea: Earl Grey.
I asked them to close their eyes and hold out their hands. Their excitement was shown with smiles and giggles. I felt like Santa Claus, or some other mystical creature that gives gifts to small children in exchange for their souls. I poured fresh soil in their callus-free hands along with rose petals and burnt charcoal. However, the look of joy began to leave their faces as I poured the boiling hot water in their palms. Sometimes people scream too loud and aren’t thinking of others who have sensitive ears. This is the kind of humour that I will never understand from such a dynamic duo.
When the ambulance arrived, mostly to assist Whiny-Flo-Pants and Joany-Screams-Too-Much, I felt the sudden urge to exercise. So I ran. I ran 4 blocks until a police officer accidentally tackled me to the ground. She also accidentally handcuffed me and took me to jail. These accidents happen a lot. I guess you can say I’m an accident prone kind of guy. Jail isn’t all bad. For the first time in my life I actually have a bed. I also have a lover. We call it the Beast. More like Snuggly-Bear if you ask me. It’s really a bunch of used tooth brushes we stuck together to rub up against. I love it, but boy, do I miss tea. I would do anything for a cup of Earl Grey right now. Anything.
Lights out soon. I must rest up for the next day. Tomorrow is Taco Tuesday even though it’s Saturday.
