#fma crack

[astrumamasia]

I saw this post on my dash (OG poster is gondwana) and could not resist the intrusive thoughts these amazing replies gave me, so here they are given form

[the-hawkseye]

They said I wouldn't do it again

[x-rainflame-x]

So, somebody pitched a Cars AU in the discord and . . . I did a thing.

I should be ashamed.

But I’m not.

I’ll leave you to your nightmares 💜

[elvencantation]

Roy, texting: Hi, who is this? Ling changed all my contacts to mythical creatures.

“Dwarf,” who is actually Ed: what’s mine?!

Roy: Dwarf.

“Dwarf”: IM GOING TO MURDER LING! I’M NOT SMALL!!

Roy: Oh, hey, Ed.

Ed: ugh

[weirdoldmanhoho]

has this been done before?

FMA:B + Troubled Birds (1/?)

[roosterjazz]

Alphonse: Brother, can an asshole rip in half?

Edward: Yeah, Al, like tissue paper....just ask the Colonel...

[egoiistas]

Hijacking Fiasco in Central City Radio Station

3.October.1918 Madeline A. Richards

     A scheduled broadcast to Amestrians managed to plunge Central City in confusion as a result of hijinks and tomfoolery. The transmission, a routine program implemented earlier this year by Fuhrer Roy Mustang, was seized in the middle of his speech. The purpose of this speech started as an endeavor by the current Fuhrer to keep Amestrians informed and involved. The events that occurred during and following the Promised Day are still in recent memory for most residents. “More transparency and an outflow of information for what this government body focuses on,” he had said during the announcement for the program.  Others had a different ideas for this report to the people of Amestris.

     “One minute he was talking about infrastructure and the next, boogers,” says Geoffrey Ralph who resides in the eastern sector of Central. “I had no clue what was going on.” Citizens report that they knew immediately it wasn’t the voice of their elected Amestrian leader, but most admit they had a good laugh. “The voice was obviously faked,” says Lily Jones, a florist listening in from her shop on Main Street.

     “My name is Fuhrer Mustang,” the fake broadcast started off. “And I pick my nose and wipe it underneath the seat.” As of right now, officials say that it isn’t clear whether it was the work of a lone perpetrator or a group effort. Some listeners say two voices could be heard, one laughing as the other spoke into the microphone, administering the speech:  “I am so useless in the rain. My bodyguard doesn’t get paid enough; she doesn’t even get dental.” Colonel Riza Hawkeye officially heads the sector overseeing the security detail for the Fuhrer and other higher ranking officers. She looked as straight-faced as ever when asked to comment. “I get paid sufficiently for my position.”

     Sources from within Central Headquarters state, “It was a downright mess. We didn’t know about it until halfway through.”

     Communications expert Kain Fuery timidly speculates an overtake of the magnitude could have only happened in the Central City Radio station. “The technology just doesn’t exist otherwise.” Employees of the radio station were found unconscious but unhurt following the transmission. None of them can recall what occurred before they collectively lost consciousness. It is unclear if the motives were to harm, criticize or to simply prank the progressive leader of Amestris.

    Heroes of Amestris, Alphonse and Edward Elric, arrived the day of the hijack after months of travelling outside the Amestrian borders. The Elric brothers, known for their prolific skill in alchemy, worked with Fuhrer Mustang and his team during the coup on the Promised Day. The youngest, Alphonse, says “I’m sure Fuhrer Mustang is laughing with everyone as well. He’s always been the jovial type.” Former state alchemist Edward couldn’t comment from an intestinal issue, judging by how he held his stomach and rushed away, covering his mouth.  

    The perpetrators are still at large. Mustang or his administration have yet to release an official statement, but the full transcript of the transmission can be found at the bottom of this article. Central City Police are taking any tips and statements.

“My name is Fuhrer Roy Mustang and I pick my nose and wipe it underneath the seat. Sure miniskirts are cool, especially when I wear them. Fire is okay alchemy by the way, nothing special. When will someone help me manage my hair? I am so useless in the rain. My bodyguard doesn’t get paid enough; she doesn’t even get dental. When will someone convince to stop singing that dumb rap. Flame Alchemist? More like lame alchemist, am I right? Frieky frieky ahhh.”

[inkuisitivskins]

81 LIVMILES

Writing Prompts

81. If you buy that, I’m leaving you.

One of the things Olivier dreaded most in this world was visiting for Central for any reason other than military cabinet meetings. This time, however, she attempted to loosen up and enjoy her visit– especially since it was a shopping trip for the new addition to her family. 

“No, Miles,” the blonde sighed. She held her large tummy as she leaned against the wall, trying to suppress another angry mood swing. She had been so on edge lately, her emotions swinging wildly from publicly affectionate to eerily kind to her soldiers to literally about to murder the next person she saw. She was especially high-strung recently, given that she had put off maternity leave from Fort Briggs for as long as humanly possible until a few days prior. 

Her partner pouted, lowering the baby-sized banana costume he had proudly shown her. “Please, Olivier? It’s so cute, our baby will be adorable.”

The off-duty general brushed some hair from her face. She couldn’t be mad at Miles, he was trying so hard. While Olivier was rather calm about the whole ordeal, Miles had been the most ecstatic the general had ever seen him be. He already had five different baby names picked out for each sex, plus some unisex ones. While she was still on duty and unable to leave the fort, Miles had made several trips to North City to begin purchasing baby-related items, like prenatal vitamins and clothes. Apparently, the Ishvalan hadn’t gotten enough of the clothes shopping. 

“Our baby will be adorable regardless. Have you seen my baby pictures?” She joked, earning a smile from her adjutant. “But you’ve already gotten them more clothes than I think they’ll ever need. They’ll grow before they wear all of them even once.”

“Your exaggerating, sir,” Miles replied, setting down the costume. Olivier had told him long ago that the formalities were no longer necessary between them, however it was in these moments of her being away from the fort that the “sirs” really helped. It reminded her of who she was. “Buuut,” he began with an amused smile, earning a quirked eyebrow from the woman. 

He lifted a baby-sized muscle suit costume, failing to hold back a laugh when he saw Olivier’s blue eyes widen in horror. 

“They’ll look like your brother, dear!” He hardly managed to choke out the words between laughs. 

Olivier waited for his laughter to die down before replying, her voice low and as serious as a heart attack.

“If you buy that, I’m leaving you.”

—-

HEHEHE so me and Parisa were discussing pregnant Olivier just earlier today and it got me in such a Mood :p

sorry this was kinda crack, I just love them sm and they’d be such good parents *shakes fist*

Thank you for the ask! This got me warmed up for writing today :3