#follower input encouraged

[polyamoursproblems]

So I'm dating this guy and I'm poly but hes not. I still rather like this other guy who I want to smooch and ruffle his hair but im not sure how to bring it up to my boyfriend and ask if it's alright with him. Do you have any suggestions?

The best thing is to be upfront with him. It’s always important to assure the people you’re interested that you’re not trying to replace them and you’re not bored with them, you just have love and interest in more than one partner. 

There’s no easy way to hop into it, you just sit your partner down and explain how you feel, how you love them still and aren’t tired of them or anything. 

Be ready in case he feels put-off, or confused or upset. Sometimes people react negatively at first, because they don’t understand what’s going on or what it means to them. Some people need time to process it and understand it all, and their place in the relationship. Many come around with communication, conversation, and consideration. It’s very important!

Personally, I would bring up being poly before mentioning any specific person you might be interested in. It might be easier to take it in stride and take it slow, if that makes sense. If he already knows you’re poly, then bring up the guy and your interest in him. Find out what he’s comfortable with you doing, then find out what the other guy is comfortable with, too. Make sure everyone is consenting and knows what’s going on! Communication, honest and open communication, is key!

[polyamoursproblems]

So I've recently told my bf that I still like this other guy who I'm pretty sure still has a thing for me. And when I told my bf he didn't really give me an answer and hasn't mentioned it at all. He isn't polyamorous but iam and I told him before we started dating that im poly. I wanna talk to him about this properly and even ask if he would be okay if I asked this other guy out on a date, how should I approach this?

Well, it seems to me like he might feel uncomfortable or threatened at the idea, as many people do when they first are told by a poly partner that they like someone else too. Maybe he’s simply unsure of where to go from here, and how things will change or go with the two of you. 

Communication is always the best thing with any relationship, especially ones like this. When one partner is poly and the other isn’t, it’s easy for feelings to be hurt or confused, it’s easy to have misunderstandings or unfounded fears. 

The best thing to do is to talk to him again, openly and directly. Tell him how you feel about him, how that won’t change regardless of who you are with, and that it isn’t about him not being enough or anything like that, that you still care exactly the same you always have for him. Reassure him that isn’t going to change. 

Then let him know how you feel about this other guy, and what you’re interested in doing with the other guy. See what he’s okay with, too. He might be okay with casual dates and hand holding and kissing, but not sex. Or he might be okay with sex but nothing on a deeper level. You won’t know until you ask, and he won’t know what you’re thinking or feeling or want to do until you tell him. Try to be understanding and patient, but don’t force yourself to suffer either. Be gentle but don’t just let it get brushed off. Get out what you want and need him to know, then if he needs time to think about it, let him have some time. I wouldn’t say longer than a week, personally, but whatever feels like enough time to you.