#fool's diary

[asktheboxghosts]

Why are we all here? Why do the things we hold dear... So different?

I don’t know. Should I? I’m told I’m very cold. Am I?

They say they’re trying to help me. But the pain I go through makes it seem like they’re lying... What should do? Who should I listen to? The voices...they tell me I don’t deserve happiness.

That there’s no sleep for the wicked. But have I been wicked? What have I done to deserve this? Nothing...nothing...nothing.

I’m so tired. But I can’t sleep. I want some help. But there’s no one.

I can scream, shout, yell. But nothing I say can tell. The unspeakable pain. Of this game.

There is no help  There is no hope There is no resolution Only the unstated urge to end this.

....I guess writing does help a little.

[springmyth]

yes i love reading no i don’t have a favourite book let alone multiple, we exist!

[springmyth]

my bf: visiting me Properly for the first time, coming to open the door when i come back from taking the trash out, eating a popsicle he got from the freezer when he was looking for toast but couldn’t find it

my bf: drying himself on a towel in front of me, after a shower  / letting me dry his face after he has washed it before bed

my bf: turning off an alarm and starting to snore again a few seconds later

my heart: about to burst any second now

[springmyth]

on thursday i saw queer street theater at a local park, it felt like i was a witness to something important. while walking through the city wearing a mask i had this thought which i often do, that i must look like a girl to the people walking past me. then i thought, hmm, i’m the boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend and i felt this sudden and unexpected euphoria i haven’t felt in a long while. i was sitting on a twister mat with two friends, taking out tomatoes from my sandwich and infodumping a little about anne of green gables. it was an odd realization, i don’t remember infodumping ever before. when i came home i was so tired my whole body was aching. i wrote in a journal for the first time since april. 

yesterday i bought two new monchhichis, one of them is wearing the cutest little strawberry suit. when they arrive in the mail i’ll have four in total, which means i can finally start to call it a collection i think. 

today i’m washing sheets and once again thinking about starting a newsletter of my own. i don’t think anyone would read it but the temptation is growing by the day

[springmyth]

reading hyperfixation my beloved please come home you’re very truly missed

[springmyth]

i’ve been trying to learn making playlists lately and i really want to make mixtapes for my beloveds as an act of love but i have a problem, i have only one friend i link a certain vibe of music to, all the others are a complete mystery to me and i fear i’ll end up making very bad mixtapes and i don’t want that... beloveds deserve the best playlists i fear i can’t deliver...

[springmyth]

you know the feeling when a man with short hair and a clean shaven face is literally just some guy but the same man with long hair, facial hair and an eye patch is one of the prettiest ever...

[springmyth]

i open my silly little hollow knight, i climb my silly little way up to the silly little bench through all the silly little infuriating laser shooting sons of bitches, i fight the silly little guardian, i die, i’m back at the bottom and i lose my silly little mind! :-)