#foreverbitingxwrites

[foreverbitingx]

25.04.20

Tonight I sleep here one more night

So many memories in these walls

I've laughed complained moaned

Lied, been turned off and cried

I've learned and sat silently

I've grown and embraced

A new normal

And new faces

I've kissed missed dissed Dismissed

Not a year has passed

But I saw all the seasons in this house

Entered in summer and leaving in spring

Embracing my new beginning

Diving in

-foreverbitingx

[foreverbitingx]

25.03.20

As I walk

Every step towards the sun

Make sense

Here I embrace the light

Sunkissed and calm

I put down my armour

And surrender

I'm finally home

Where was I all this time?

Floating then tumbling

Spiraling deeper in my mind

I have now returned

Standing under the sun

I remember nothing is new

I have lived many lives

Seeking the truth

I find myself back

In the place

Real peace

No pretence

I am present

-foreverbitingx

[foreverbitingx]

04.03.20

How could this be wrong

You've made sense all along

I feel so strong

Look into your eyes

The pain you've endured

Made you a little dark

But that spark

Remains

I don't know what to say

When you look at me

Sometimes I want to leave

I'll never get enough

That's what makes this hard

When you say the things

You do

Without me asking

I'm so confused

Am I a fool

Is any of this true

Wish I knew what to do

Before the monsoon

[foreverbitingx]

2020

02.01.20

For the first time in

My life

I can look myself

In the eye

And smile

Its taken a while

Such a surprise

That I made it

After many miles

Of pain and despite

The piles

Of things on my mind

I get stressed and I cry

Then remind

Myself to be kind

Leave it all behind

And start again

Sometimes

Its harder

And I'm blinded

By triggers and traumas

Combined

Feeling trapped and confined

Like I'm going out of my mind

I go outside

Let the sun hit my face

And decline

The bad feelings

To pull me behind

[foreverbitingx]

29.12.19

I was doing so well

Then you tainted the well

So I might as well

Sit and dwell

In the dark

And let my mind shark

On the deepest part

Dusting off my skeletons

Re-reading old pages

Of rages

And dangers

Behaviours I'd rather not savour

I'm not the same her

Let me confess

Didn't pass every test

Didn't clean every mess

But I've grown and progressed

Started with much less

But I made lemonade

And it's sweeter than stress

But I digress

This hour is mine

I'll try and unwind

Am I wasting time?

Am I doing fine?

Self doubt should be a crime

For what it does to my mind

I'm not being kind

To myself

No good for my health

Masked by stealth

Until I melt

Cos I haven't dealt

Only felt

The effects on my mental health

I could tell you a story of pain

I was this close to going insane

Packed my bag and jumped on a train

Never to return again

Triggers mean paper to pen

Bouncing back is hard so I refrain

Won't entertain

Toxic energy

If it doesn't align with me

You'll see the back of me

I'll walk away

And pray

That you find the day

When the peace stays

And the hate goes

And the love grows

No more foes

But who knows

Only time will show

How far I go

How high I climb

Would be sublime

If I

Could stay in the light

More than one night

Could turn off my light

In my room

And resume

To deep slumber

Way under

No monsters to fear

For they're nowhere near

The Forrest or the trees

[foreverbitingx]

2am.

19.11.19

Last night I prayed to the Lord

To take away, the pain

That's clouding my brain

Blocking my shine

Taking over my mind

After all this time

I think of his eyes

His smell and his smile

His jokes then I cry

Wondering why

Did I waste my time

Did I let him lie

On my chest all night

I let the thought take flight

Then I think if his bites

His kisses his light

With these thoughts I fight

The urge to just dial

And map out the miles

I'd be there for a while

Reminiscing and smiling

His touch is like lightning

But would it be the right thing?

To let him in

Feel my skin

Squeeze and grin

Pull and pin

Me down

Turn me around

I'll make a sound

Youll never forget

Then I'd regret

That I regressed

I'm now depressed

And stressed

Back in this mess

With you

I'm gonna go

Feed my soul

Collect my energy

Ignore my empathy

And live my life

Cos I will never be your wife

These days I wouldn't even try

Cos I love myself above all

-foreverbitingx

[foreverbitingx]

Sunshine

I always felt alone.

Buried under my fear and insecurities.

You're light brought me out of the shell I encased myself in for protection.

And slowly I began to rise and rise above the ground and breathe again.

You're blinding.

At first I thought you were lightning until I adjusted to your glow.

Under nourished and broken you helped me grow.

Fed my soul, made me whole.

My stem began to flourish with colour.

I no longer needed my armour.

With you my protector, my guide my corrector.

I needed nothing else.

Flood me with your light.

Watch me blossom.

And know I will always gravitate towards you.

Even if I fall back to the ground.

With your light I'll find my way back to the surface.

*please credit me if you share

[foreverbitingx]

I luv u 2

Every time I prematurely hang up or cut your sentence short I know

There will come a day when I will mentally gather all the minutes 

I had with you and say the weren’t enough 

I will wish that I held my breath instead of saying 

‘I know what I’m doing’

‘You told me that story already’

Because there will come a day when I will long to hear the

unsolicited advice and repeated stories

I will hate myself for not staying on the phone longer 

and only mumbling i luv u 2

I will cry and pray in hopes of hearing your voice again 

but won’t

Your absence will be an inconsolable drought

And your reflection will haunt me

It will encase me 

This is not a vow to change but an acceptance

of the bed that I made 

I will never be perfect at cherishing you..

There will come a time when I will 

wonder if your face ever haunted you too

-please credit me in any reposts x