Once upon a time, she would have felt comforted with her daily routine—getting up around zero-four, zero-four-thirty in the morning and rounding up all her morning chores before moving on to herself. But that was years ago, and her routine has since changed. First the Marines. Then the Queen Marie Project. After that, SHIELD. But now...now that she was home, it did little to comfort her. Twice over, she had been passed over and lost her chances to show she was worthy of time invested in her. She was put aside, forgotten about, passed over twice now and it was disheartening.
The Marines didn't want her anymore, they had made that clear when they played her around, forcing her hand and her chance at reenlistment fucked over—and on purpose, she had no doubts about it.
SHIELD was no longer around, not actively as far as she knew anyway. Even if a small faction was functioning, what use did they have for a Captain America science lab copycat when they had the real deal leading the Avengers? Certainly not them. Certainly not the Marines. She wasn't cost efficient. She wasn't needed or wanted by them.
Her family was another matter entirely. She loved her brothers and her father, and the ranch they had, and all the horses and other farm animals they had to get them by. Even that estranged, distant uncle on her father's side, she loved. And yet...she felt no excitement like she used to with being another hand at work, helping out once again like in her youth. She had tasted a hardship she couldn't explain, or experience, while working the ranch. No one in town could identify, except maybe the occasional war veteran in town, but even then, they dwindled.
No. No, she had a taste for something that no one could appreciate or compare in likeness with. Not now, not where she was. She missed her old command under Commander Winchester. She missed the personnel she had come to know and appreciate, like Seamus and White down in the main hub that overlooked Tank's ship. And then there was Tank, of course.
She missed him too. It was hard not to. Besides the other faces she was used to, she had worked alongside him for well over a year, nearly two in fact, before SHIELD's fall and now...it was still hard to get used to. To wake up early like she was used to, half-expecting to find herself in her old barracks room and ready to go to the gym, only to remember she was in her room, with Maximillian's pelt over her, and his skull leering at her from her desk. Or she'd hear the faint crow of a rooster and the waking snorts and nickers from the horses out in the stables. To smell the coffee her father or brothers had put on as they readied to go out.
Jo rolled over onto her side, contemplating all this as she readied herself to get up. She almost didn't want to. As much as she loved her family, her ranch, her horses, her town, she didn't want to see any of it, any of them. She wanted to stay there and sleep some more, for once, and maybe she'd wake up and be back where she used to be—or better, where she wanted to be, where she had been promised to be transferred to if things had gone her way.
I should call them. See how things are going. The errant thought kept her awake and ran on a loop, over and over again. It kept her awake long enough to hear the familiar tromp of footsteps climbing creaky steps, down the hall, and pause at her doorway. Then there was a knock at her door and her father's rumbling, low voice behind it.
“Baby girl? Are you all right?”
She contemplated not answering, but then that would mean he'd investigate further, stick his head in. She sighed, sitting up and calling back she was fine. There was a lengthy pause before he rumbled back his query of concern again.
“I'm just...not feeling all too well. I'll be down in a little, Dad, promise.”
Another pause, then an affirmative followed before she heard the quiet retreat of her feather's footsteps. She sighed again, flopping back over onto her pillow and pulled the mountain lion pelt further up along her, curling into a ball. Maybe I should call them...