I finished 4lw last night. I loved it I loved it I loved it I loved it I loved it.
I've never considered myself Dean-coded, but this Dean? His brain, his desperate need for praise but inability to believe it when he gets it, his constant fear of fucking everything up and being hated for it, not wanting what he thinks he should want but doing it anyway because he thinks his family expects it from him.. even if it breaks him. That Dean. That Dean feels so painfully real.
Seeing him confronted with the reality of his brain, seeing him grow and learn to ask for what he wants, seeing him get what he wants and learn to accept that he deserves it. It was such a good path to follow Dean on and though his work is obviously not done, seeing him progress was amazing.
And Cas. Oh sweet anxious Cas. Nothing but love for the man who cares about his sex hotline client so much he does everything he can to dom him into treating himself better. The man who opened up about his own mental health history to someone paying him to talk him off because he knew he needed that more. The man who learned the library buddy he was crushing on was the same person as the guy he was domming into self care and said i want you i still want you i don't want you any less and i'm not walking away from this. He has my heart. They both have my heart.
Reading how these men got to know each other in two such different way, seeing how much they helped each other along the way, and having everything come together and be so overwhelming, but ultimately so so happy. Beautiful. Watching these men fall in love was beautiful.
..and yes also the sex was hot. But no sex scene is ever just smut (not that there's anything wrong with that!), they're all so deeply about these characters. So if you go into this fic for the bdsm sex, I do think you'll love it, but be aware you're gonna catch a lot of feelings along the way.
