#frinciwrites

[frinci]

River Beach Sand in the Desert

I can imagine you living as a pebble  Amongst the stones and sand on the beach As tumbleweeds pass over you And insects move like monoliths above you.

[frinci]

Ten years ago, today, we fell asleep on the couch holding hands while watching a movie. My life was very turbulent when he came into it. I was in to process of moving out, after spending many years juggling taking care of my siblings and my parents' extreme mental break downs. 

My mother left when I was in my early teens and when I tracked her down, she refused to see my siblings . My father then spent every day locked away in his room. I was old enough to understand their pain, but their absence left me the only person available to take care of my little siblings. 

My mother, who was unable to cope with her emotions on her own, promptly introduced me to alcohol and made me her drinking buddy. So, on top of making sure my siblings were fed, were at least somewhat happy, and went to school every day, I was also privy to my mother's drunken breakdowns. During most of those times, I was drunk, too. 

While my father disagreed with my mother's nonchalance, he was too absorbed in his own hurt to help me. 

I went through the men and women I dated like a dust devil in the desert, looking for some kind of solace. But there seemed to be only destruction in my wake. 

I was the product of a broken family and poverty. Another predictable stereotype. 

But, in 2006, things had finally changed enough that I trusted my dad to watch over my siblings. I moved out, hoping to spend time taking care of myself. I stopped drinking and changed my name. 

And suddenly appeared Nick. He was just as much a mess as I was and together we made something more profound and strong than the pieces we were apart. 

Having an extra pair of hands to rebuild made the healing process so much easier. The agony had gone out of my everyday and--sooner than I had expected--was replaced with love. 

Ten years later, we are still stronger together than we were apart.

[frinci]

I have a big day tomorrow. The kind that doesn't consider your age or class or walk of life. It's sorta strange to wait for a day like that to happen; to sit in the shadow of change. But I like my brown lipstick. • "Darling [...] would you reach in the drawer there and give me my purse. A girl doesn't read this sort of thing without her lipstick." --Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's • This is a rather cryptic post. I'm sorry for that.

[frinci]

Apparently the best way for me to avoid depression is to organize my books. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do for a while now and it’s so gratifying to know where everything is. 

There were some casualties during our various moves. My copy of A Dance with Dragons appears to have been nicked by a previous room mate who shall remain nameless. And a few of our favorites seem to have gone missing. But, such is the New York life, this city requires you to move constantly and having roommates means things get entangled. Though you try so hard for that not to happen. We’ve managed to maintain the majority of them, thankfully.

Anyway, I guess I’ve rambled on about my books enough, for today :0) 

[frinci]

Alright, the big bookshelf is done. Time for the favorites. The cat doesn't understand what's going on. #luciusthecat #littlelibrary

[frinci]

How have I been in this apartment for a year and haven't organized my books, yet? Well, I think today is the day. #lazy #distraction

[frinci]

I got an invite on facebook to my 10th high school reunion. Every couple days I scroll through, reading everyone’s comments, and I realize just how different I am from all of them. It’s no wonder I had such an awful time in high school; I must have seemed like a  such complete freak.

I have no intention of going. I live in New York and I’m not going halfway across the world to see a bunch of people I don’t like. No matter how much I love California. I can’t believe I’m almost thirty and the thought of hanging out with my old bullies still makes me this angry.

Still, I read the comments. I can’t seem to stop myself.

[frinci]

I keep sitting at my desk and staring off into space. I try to tell myself to do something, but I can't think of anything to do. I'm sure there are things to be done, but I can't think of a single one.

I fill my day with distractions, but when I look up, the space is still there. And it is so very infinite.