Interview with FS magazine: The real role models inspiring a gay generation
I was flattered to be asked to feature in FS magazine as a gay guy openly living with HIV:
Ant has been living with HIV for six years and by being honest about his status, he has helped himself and others too.
When were you diagnosed HIV-positive?
It was back in 2007. I had an open relationship with my boyfriend at the time. I hooked up with a couple of men online and had bareback sex. If I'm honest, I wasn't feeling terribly good about myself, so I was starting to take more risks sexually. I knew I was taking a risk, but I wasn't really clued up about it. I remember the date I was diagnosed very clearly – 2 January. I think I knew I was positive already, so it wasn't as much of a surprise for me as it is for some people. Of course, I couldn't be sure of my status until I tested. The overwhelming feeling I remember, as well as sadness, was the relief of finally knowing.
How long did it take before you were ready to tell people?
I told my parents that night while fighting back tears – they were the first people I told. They were fantastic, supportive and said everything would be OK. I told my boyfriend that night. He was sad and probably really scared, though he didn't really show it. We went to get his test results and thankfully he was negative. I moved in with him in an attempt to save the relationship, but he was scared about me being positive and I was feeling worse about myself and we split up a few months later. Although I was in touch with a local HIV charity through my clinic, I felt isolated. I only really knew one other openly positive person – my friend John – who came out to me when I came out to him.
Now that you've 'come out', do you feel that you have more support?
My friend John was amazingly supportive and he helped me hugely. About a year after I was diagnosed, he sadly died. He was only in his 20s, and I think he was really struggling with living with HIV. I still feel guilty that I wasn't able to support him more. His death spurred me on to seek out support and to get to know other positive guys. I started volunteering with Terrence Higgins Trust and GMFA and I took part in an exhibition of portraits of HIV-positive people called Stand Tall, Get Snapped. Coming out about my status in such a public way led me to tell my sisters and the rest of my friends on Facebook. It makes me a little tearful thinking back on how tremendously supportive everyone has been.
What advice would you give to someone who has just been diagnosed?
Don't feel pressured into disclosing your status. I choose to be open when and where I can – I find that's the easiest way for me – but I know that won't work for everyone. Surround yourself with supportive and clued-up people, go to a 'newly diagnosed' group, ask at your clinic about any support groups and access support online from the myHIV.org.uk website. Don't feel that you have to go through it on your own. If you're in London, the chances are you've slept with a guy who's positive, whether you knew it or not. Break the stigma, talk about it, educate yourself and take responsibility for protecting yourself. That doesn't mean shunning the guy who was brave enough to tell you. Know your status: get tested.
How has your HIV status changed your life?
Being positive has changed my life, but not in the way that you'd expect. I tested early and started medication when I needed to, so I can look forward to a near normal life expectancy. I'm not scared about the future. Coming to terms with being positive has made me a better and stronger person. It gives me a huge amount of strength to try to help others who have been recently diagnosed. I don't feel any shame about becoming positive. HIV isn't everything about me – it's just a small part of what makes me me.