Trans Guy Tips #4; Socially Transitioning
Now this one is a tricky one, and it's a situation almost every trans person has to go through at some point in their life, unless they stay in the closet for life, but if you're planning to come out, and you don't know how to approach the situation and don't know how to judge if it's safe, I hope I can be a reliable guide for you on this journey.
This is usually the first step in any trans person's journey, before they physically transition, (which some don't as well). However here we're talking specifically about trans men.
So while some of the things I say could apply to trans women, always remember I'm writing about trans men from a trans man's point of view, so that's the targeted demographic here.
Once I learn more about trans women's struggles and things they go through, since I don't have the personal experience of it, I will definitely write trans women articles as well, and as well non-binary people.
So let's begin, with a list of important things to keep in mind whilst coming out to the world or at least to your family and close friends.
1. Safety is everything.
Always no matter what.
A good way to test if someone is going to be safe to come out to, is to casually bring it up in in a conversation topic, something like "What are your thoughts on lgbtq people, or specifically what are your thoughts on trans people?"
If they become aggressive and violent about it, and start being transphobic or defensive or any of the signs of bigotry, do not and I mean do not come out to them yet.
If it's a parent, I'd suggest at least wait until you're of age to move out, or have moved out, to come out to them. Sometimes people will get verbally and physically violent towards you if you come out to them and they're not accepting of it, so the most important thing is to always judge the reactions of people, and if they react well, then you can come out to them.
2. Always choose trustworthy people to keep your secret whilst you're in the closet.
There's been a lot of people who trusted idiots who they thought were their friends and they ended up outing them to the whole school they were in, etc. etc. But there was a lot of stories about this happening multiple times.
Make sure the people you tell would take the secret to their grave, especially if you're in an abusive household and can't come out for fear of violence.
3. If you're in a very abusive household, especially one that's openly homophobic and transphobic, as hard it is, please wait to come out as long as you possibly can until you have a place of your own and you're safe for sure.
A lot of people have been known to kick out their own children on to the streets because of them being LGBT, or do much worse...
Now of course these are some of the worst case scenarios, but being LGBT you always have to think about every bad thing that could occur so that you can prevent it.
4. When it comes to actually coming out, I would always recommend bringing a good friend or close family member who supports you, so that you have backup, not only for them to chime in and tell their piece and defend you, but just them being there makes the other person not want to be as violent towards you, because they fear what others will think of them.
If you're coming out to an extended family member or anyone, don't trust to do it alone, always bring a good friend.
5. One of the best ways to come out that I've seen are ways that are jokey and hilarious!
It seems to smooth over and make it a much more pleasant transition for everyone, and usually even homophobic people won't get too mad, they might even laugh!
I've seen people bake cakes with the words "Surprise I'm gay!" on it, things like that.
Just little cute things that are nice to do for your parents or people you're coming out to, but make it a surprise and that you're actually lgbt!
Now remember though, always follow the first rule and make sure safety is priority, but if you know you're safe, but you're just not sure they understand, starting out with jokes helps a lot.
6. The second step you should do after coming out is always try to explain your side of the story.
If there are people who don't let you get a word in, let them know that you have important things to say and that they need to listen to you and then they can say whatever they need.
Explain how it feels to be trans, explain why you know you're trans, of course you shouldn't have to ideally, but unfortunately a lot of people won't understand unless they're given more information, as the subject is completely foreign to them.
I know my grandma specifically reacted so well, all she did was ask me questions about it, and once I answered all her questions, she hummed in satisfaction and she never questioned it again and completely accepted me.
And a lot of times you'll get people who are pretty neutral, people who will call you by your chosen name and gender but don't really totally care as much as you want them to, but they still go along with it and just kind of assume you know what's best for you, which is a really kind thing really.
I've had a few people react neutrally and it's actually relaxing, there's no pressure put on for being gay, either over positive or over negative. but I have to say as a trans person and gay person, and grey-ace person, I love the people who ask questions the most.
I don't mind answering, and it means they're trying to learn more about something they don't understand, which means they have a huge heart and huge open mind.
Some people may get annoyed at the constant questions, but I absolutely adore them.
To me, every time someone asks about me, they're showing interest in my life and my feelings.
7. Next the scientific method.
Look up on any scientific article anywhere, and you'll find studies done on trans men and women's brains.
It was shown factually multiple times, over and over, whenever they repeated it it did it again, that trans men have the same brain structure as cis men, and trans women have the same brain structure as cis women, and non-binary people have somewhere in the middle. This was factually proven, you can look it up, so if they try to use science to defend against you, educate that that science is actually for LGBT rights and has explained how it works even.
8. Try to be gentle when it comes to pronouns.
For a lot of people, especially people of foreign languages where some languages don't have genders, or will have different genders, or other things like that, or even just English speakers that aren't used to saying 'they', or your family not being used to your pronouns yet.
It can take a while, and I know it's frustrating, it could take even a few years for them to finally get it right every time.
It's not supposed to be an attack towards you, it's genuinely hard to reprogram yourself when you think someone is one thing your whole life and then it turns out they're the other thing! So be sure to be gentle with them while they're practising, remind them every time they make a mistake, but remind them gently, as they are trying to do the right thing, they're just slipping up due to habit.
In general, be patient with non-lgbt folks, if we're mad at them, it just drives them away, rather than driving them toward us to help and assist us.
We should be grateful for our allies.
9. Once you've come out and your parents probably still have questions, I would recommend sitting down and having family night where you read together some good articles about transgenderism, and LGBT+ in general.
If they're not familiar with it, this type of education can help them a lot to understand the terminology and how to address you, and basic respect for trans & lgbtq+ people.
Overall it's a learning experience for both of you, and it would be amazing to do if they're willing to learn.
Remember that it's a journey for all of us, and everyone has a lot to learn.
10. When selecting your name, I have one piece of advice/a question for you; "Does it spark joy?"
The most important thing, it doesn't matter how odd sounding it is, or differently spelled it is, or whatever your name is, if you enjoy your name, that's what matters.
Always pick the one that calls out to you.
And it's okay to change it from time to time, people need time to figure out who they are!
And with that, I conclude my fourth part!
I hope you were helped by this in any way, and thanks for reading.











