The fear is gone
I am no longer scared/worried about Aiden's transition. It was last week sometime, I don't even remember what was said, if anything, or if I just thought of it, but I knew that I was no longer scared. I'm not afraid of loosing the guy I fell in love with, he is still the same person. I never told Aiden this (but I'm sure he thought of it on his own)I wasn't sure if I would be strong enough to handle his transition. I wanted to be, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't sure if it would be to much for me. But now I know that I am strong enough and that I am not going anywhere. I love him more then ever, I want to be with him for the rest of my life. Yes there are some things I am not looking forward to, like body hair, but that is just my preference. I've never dated anyone with a lot of it, but I'm not going to break up with him because of it. I don't know, I cant explain it, but I know that everything is going to be OK and that I am OK with everything. I don't know if making videos for the FTM Sweethearts youtube channel has helped, or being part of their facebook group and actually talking to other partners of ftm's has helped? I don't know if it was just me putting everything on the table with a therapist (when I first started going I wanted to share my fears openly without hurting Aiden, and then to also work on another issue of mine, non-trans related, but now I feel that I don't need her for the transition side of things, I just need help with my other thing now) or just the fact that I am finally OK with everything? Maybe its a combination of a couple things, I don't know. All I know is that my fears are gone.