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The Oddest of Odd Jobs

Captain Piercing Sunlight rubbed her knuckles together, making yellow scales click. It was a more worrying sign of agitation than when Paint did it. The good captain was concerned.

“I imagine more opportunities will be posted soon,” she said, staring up at the job board. Not a single one of the posts was a request for a courier ship, or even passenger transport. It was all local stuff for this colony world. Surprising, really, since the people living here surely needed stuff they couldn’t make for themselves yet, but nobody seemed to be asking for a delivery.

“We could try the other colony,” Kavlae suggested, pointing vaguely over her shoulder while a gust of wind ruffled her head frills. With the sky-blue tone of her skin, she looked cold in the breeze, but that was normal. “I spotted a big spaceport while we were coming in.” Kavlae always noticed alternate landing sites; it was part of what made her a good pilot.

Before Captain Sunlight could reply, Zhee hissed sharply, which I’d learned was the bug-alien equivalent of a skeptical snort. “They’ll know we came from this one,” he said. “The local news said there’s feuding already.”

“What, really?” Kavlae asked while Captain Sunlight sighed deeply. “Weren’t the colonies started by the same group? They’ve got the whole planet to share, and they’re feuding?”

“Territorial species,” Zhee said with a dismissive click of his pincher arms. “Not enough food-plants to go around, apparently.”

“Keep your voice small,” warned the captain with a pointed glance at the nearest large passerby, who could crush any of us with a single hoof. Not a species to insult carelessly, or even on purpose. Six limbs, two of which were sometimes arms, lots of muscle, and even antlers. Nobody had told me the species name yet, but I was privately calling them Space Moose.

“Fine, fine,” Zhee said, folding his pinchers grumpily and glaring up at the board.

Captain Sunlight looked up as well. “Is there anything on here that looks do-able?” she asked, addressing all three of us.

I studied the grid of job posts. The rest of our crew was busy getting supplies — I hoped we weren’t about to skim over something that another person would catch. But just as I thought it, my eyes fell on a posting from a human ship.

“Oh, someone lost a dog!” I exclaimed, pointing. “They couldn’t find it before they left. That’s so sad.”

“We can keep an eye out,” Captain Sunlight said. “Our ship doesn’t have any of the fancy bio-scanners for seeking out that sort of thing.”

I read the whole post, looking for details. A three-year-old husky, male, “exceptionally fluffy,” named Matt. Which was short for Mattress. I loved him already.

“How recent is the post?” Kavlae asked.

“Just two days ago,” I said. “I hope the dog is okay. It says they last saw him at the edge of town.”

“There is a thriving ecosystem here,” Captain Sunlight reminded me gently. “The animal can surely find its way.”

“But he’ll be lonely,” I said, forlorn. Poor Mattress.

Before I could whine about it further, Zhee laughed and pointed at a different post, tapping it with one of his little wrist fingers. “Look at this. Anyone fancy being an exorcist today?” At his tap, the post unfurled a map and a sound clip. He pressed play.

A very familiar yodeling howl filled the air. Unsettling, if you were an alien herbivore. A glance at my crewmates showed that none of them recognized it either.

I grinned. “You guys, we have to be exorcists today.”

* * *

“We saw it again just last night,” said the enormous space moose, his deep voice going high with nerves. “It actually went into our shed, and no one is ready to go see if it’s gone yet.”

“I will check for you,” I assured him. Captain Sunlight was letting me take point on this job, and Zhee was doing his best to keep his sarcasm to himself. Kavlae looked nervous.

“You don’t need anything else?” the space moose asked. “Armor, weapons?”

“No, I’m pretty sure this ghost is friendly,” I said, holding up the only two things I had brought: a sheet of fish jerky and a clip-rope from the cargo bay. “At least, he should be happy to see me. But you guys stay back, okay?”

The towering behemoth was more than ready to stay behind. Several other moosey faces peered through a long window in the house nearby. They hadn’t even come outside. Captain Sunlight told Zhee and Kavlae to stay where they were, and to give the human space to work.

I looped the rope over my shoulder and approached the shed on quiet feet. The post had said the dog wasn’t aggressive, but I knew full well how unpredictable fear could make an animal. (People too, really. All the more reason for the others to hang back.)

The shed was big, more what would pass for house-sized where I was from, and it just seemed to get bigger. Plain-looking otherwise. Flat beige walls and a slanted roof, no windows. A door that stood open. A spill of pellets all over the floor, which proved to be from the torn corner of a bag like I’d seen at the market.

Grain stuff, so hopefully okay for a dog’s system, I thought, hesitating outside the doorway. As long as he didn’t eat more than his stomach can hold. Here’s hoping it tastes bad.

I cleared my throat. “Ma-att,” I singsonged. “Matt! Mattress! Here, boy!”

A rustle and a thump was all the warning I got before a very large and exceptionally fluffy dog charged out and tackled me to the ground.

The moose bellowed in panic and my crewmates shouted. Mattress licked every inch of my face, prancing and whining while I did my level best to sit up.

“It’s okay!” I called out between licks. “He’s just happy! Here, boy, do you want a treat?” I scrabbled for the jerky that I’d dropped, and managed to redirect the dog’s attention without losing a finger. I got to my feet while he tore at the jerky, tail wagging at light speed. Good thing it was the soft kind of fish jerky. At this rate, he might have hurt himself on the stiff kind.

“Are you all right?” Captain Sunlight asked from where she stood.

“I’m fine!” I said with a wave.

She and the other two had stepped away from the space moose, who seemed to be making an effort to breathe his way through a panic attack. I didn’t blame them. The poor guy looked equally likely to pick fight over flight.

Better get everybody settled, I thought, turning back to Mattress and finding the rope where it had fallen. He had a collar, thankfully. While he finished gulping down the food, I clipped the rope to his collar and wrapped the end around my hand multiple times. Then I stroked that thick fur and murmured praises.

“Is it safe?” asked the space moose in a strained voice.

“Yes, just a moment,” I said as Mattress started prancing about again. “Matt, sit.”

He sat. Huzzah. I stroked his head, and his tail thumped the ground with gusto.

“Good dog.” I took a step and tugged the leash. “Heel.”

He sprang up and trotted after me, tail wagging and tongue lolling, though with slightly less chaos-gremlin energy.

“Good boy,” I said, then led him over to where everyone waited. I didn’t get too close. “Sit,” I repeated. He sat.

The space moose was calming down admirably, though his eyes were still a little wide. “You do seem to have it well under control,” he admitted. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” I told him. “This guy just wants to go home. We can handle that.”

“You have my gratitude,” the moose said. “And now, money. Extra for speed.”

Captain Sunlight handled that part, while I stroked Mattress in a subtle search for injuries or problems stuck in his fur. He returned the favor by licking my ear with far too much saliva. I tried not to grimace, and wiped it off with my sleeve. “Good dog.”

“All right, let’s get this animal to the ship,” Captain Sunlight said.

“I’ll call up the owners for you as soon as we get there,” Kavlae said, checking her pocket communicator for the phone number from the post. We’d all saved copies.

“I’m sure they will want to see their animal in the cameras,” Captain Sunlight said, turning to me. “I trust you can keep it calm inside the cabin?”

I assured her that I could. We said our goodbyes to the space moose and his family watching from the house, then headed back to the spaceport.

Mattress followed happily, though judging by the panting, he was thirsty. There probably hadn’t been much to drink in that shed, and the jerky on top of alien kibble was bound to make things worse.

“We’ll get you a bowl of water right away,” I promised him. “Okay, boy?”

Mattress looked up at me with alert ears and that particular doggy smile.

Captain Sunlight got out her own phone. “I’ll have Wio ready one for us. How big of a bowl do you need?”

“Um, just have her fill one of the smaller cookpots. He looks pretty thirsty.”

Kavlae asked from a fair distance away, “How can you tell?”

“He’s breathing hard,” I said. “With his tongue sticking out like that.”

Zhee was also giving the dog a wide berth. “Is that why it’s doing that?” he asked. “I assumed the animal was showing off its teeth for the benefit of anyone who might offer it harm.”

“No, he’s smiling!” I said. “Look at that; that’s a happy face. Just a little thirsty.”

Zhee muttered something disparaging about predators being allowed in close range. Kavlae laughed, and Captain Sunlight shook her head.

I looked from face to face. “You guys don’t keep pets, do you?” I asked. “None of you?”

“None like that,” Captain Sunlight said. “Nothing that could kill us, no.”

“He wouldn’t do that!” I said with an exaggerated ruffle of Mattress’s fur. “He’s a good dog! And look how fluffy! Such a nice soft pillow, he’d probably let you take a nap on him.”

“No thanks,” said Zhee. “I don’t see the appeal.”

“You don’t see the appeal? Do—” My smile slipped when I really looked at Zhee’s exoskeleton. “I don’t think you can fully appreciate the feel of soft fluffy things, can you?”

Zhee’s unimpressed scoffing confirmed my suspicions. I looked to Captain Sunlight, and her own scaly hands. “What about you? Not a big deal?” I didn’t wait for her answer before turning to Kavlae, the vaguely fishy humanoid with frills everywhere. “You have proper skin! Come pet this dog!”

She didn’t want to, but under my insistence and Mattress’s continued good behavior, she finally edged forward and brushed a hand across the copious floof.

“Oh, that is soft,” she said.

“See? And he is such a good boy.” I patted him some more, and he responded by licking both of us.

Kavlae yelped, pulling back.

“It’s okay,” I hurried to say. “That means he likes you.”

“Oh,” Kavlae said. She sniffed her hand, then retched. “Oh, he smells!”

I looked down at him and had to admit, “Yeah, that’s another thing dogs do.”

“To the ship!” Captain Sunlight announced. “For water, a phone call, and then a thorough cleansing! Which I’m sure our favorite animal expert can handle, yes?”

I sighed. “Yes. I won’t enjoy it, though.”

Zhee hissed a laugh. “Maybe you can take a nap on the creature afterward.”

“Maybe! Just you watch. Might have to tire him out a bit first though. I’m sure nobody would mind a game of fetch in the cargo bay, right?”

Captain Sunlight gave me a look, but she didn’t say no.

~~~

The ongoing adventures in backstory for this book! More to come.

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