Send me a number 1 thru 50 for a word that I’ll use to write either a headcanon, drabble, or starter. Send 🌀 for a random number instead. 39. — heartache
" -- do you ever wonder if, to truly be alive, we have to pay the price by suffering? "
it is not a question that is asked lightly, but the tranquility of the night has a way of making people ask the harder questions and expose the deeper secrets. it had been lingering in her mind for awhile now, since after the Fantasia War. and tonight, she happened to let her thoughts wander to the outside world in the form of a question. and silent reflection on herself.
Blake has known pain & heartache well; for her, it's an old friend-- one that saunters into town, staying to remind you of times past before leaving once again with nothing but a painful nostalgia to serve as a reminder. it lingers for a time before fading into the void until it comes around again like the seasons. it was an inevitable constant in life. one can't live without ever experiencing some sort of ache in their chest and if they claimed they didn't? they're only lying to themselves. and Blake had always swore she wouldn't lie to herself like that. she knows she has suffered , been through losses and pain and aches that no one her age should have to. but what should be isn't what always is, something she also knows well.
the memories of the past always has her heart beating faster, clenching tighter with something she can't put into her words. it is a past she is not entirely proud of, nor a past she does her best it dwell on and let influence her decisions and actions. yet she can't always keep it at bay, it slips in during moments of peace and quiet. a reminder she can never escape it-- but she could accept it and work to move on from that and she has. but it'll always be there.
what's she's experienced becoming a part of Team RWBY.....she can remember her hesitance to let them in, the reluctance to fully show them who she was for fear they wouldn't accept her, leaving her once again in a place she could never truly belong. it was foolish, now that she looks back on it. they were a team, they were people that Blake loves more than anything and would do anything for. even going so far as leaving them in the dark when her fears came true in order to protect them.
her heartbeat quickens at the memories-- she honestly thought she was doing right, but all she did was bring pain and heartache to everyone, herself included. had it not been for Sun.....Blake wasn't sure she would have ever returned.
and now....now she's here, on this island. she has to essentially build a new life here, one without Grimm and artifacts and someone hell-bent on causing havoc. and as much of a reprieve it is, there's guilt. she had sworn to help get the artifacts to Atlas and instead, here she was. there's worry for her friends back home, the pain of not knowing if they're okay or not always lingering. how can she be truly happy here when everything was a mess back home? a breath is released, one she didn't realize she had been holding. fingers move to skim the top of the waters of the Great Koi Lake, the ripples shattering the reflection of the moon on it.
" Or maybe by suffering, that's the only way to know we're alive."