YOUTUBE Changed me.
A lot of people have thought about doing YouTube channel, and in 2009, I had an opportunity to work on one as an editor. That was GameTank TV and it was the beginning of a long YouTube lifestyle that has changed me... totally... you’d never think about how much you would go through in that time. But team politics, friendships being shattered, a lost marriage, death and sadness were all hidden behind the YouTube curtain.
A few years after it started GameTank stopped, after creative differences, team shake ups, and failed attempts at trying to recapture what we once had. Throughout that time, Matt was going through a rough relationship, I was going through a rough marriage and Ian and Dan had a lot of creative differences. I could see where both of them were coming from, but neither did well to sort it out between them and in the end it drove a huge wedge between us all.
It started and stopped again a couple of times after, but it never felt like it worked.
It was never my project, and I really didn’t have any control over what happened to it. I had a big say but ultimately it wasn’t up to me. That was a big deal, as I always wanted to be making “something” video wise to do with gaming. So naturally the next step was to just start my own, at the time the goal was to just get stuff up. make quick videos, be real with our opinions and not be too afraid of upsetting anyone. so we did.
I started GameGazmTV with Joss Fearn, a good friend that helped out with being a co presenter, I never liked the thought of doing something alone, I think the banter you get between two people was always better.
We made a lot of videos and shot a lot of them on a mobile phone and recorded all our voice overs with a £20 mic...I couldn’t afford a mic stand at the time, so it was stuck on a floor fan that was stacked on top of a couple of boxes. it was crap, looked and sounded crap too. But back then it was the greatest thing ever.
Not long after it started Jason Weyham joined the team and Joss left, he decided that it wasn’t really for him in the end. We got accepted into our first network (Curse) this meant that we could start earning money and it was all sorted for us and they send us paychecks every month for what the channel earns in ad revenue... its not much, but its money :)
YouTube can change you in a way that you can’t switch off. you have to be thinking about the next video, what is your output going to be for this week? what can you do for the thumbnail? relevant keywords for your videos, detailed descriptions that contain keywords for search engine optimization, What games are coming out? how many reviews can you do in a week? do you have a social life? no...... you have YouTube. It takes that, to get anywhere with it, I feel like I’ve given myself to this website and put every part of my focus towards it. Even with all of that, it’s still a hard struggle every week to keep the numbers up.
At first you think its you, you’re not funny, people don’t like your videos, what’s the point? Why put weeks of writing and recording into something that gets a handful of views and never goes anywhere..... Well, you do it because you love it, and that’s it.
I have a day job, and that job is great. I’m a video editor by trade, and I also do graphic design and animation too. I do a lot of freelance work in my spare hours and it all takes a piece of what I am. People ask me, “how much to do this?” and I’ll give a price... but It’s really costing me time, sometimes I’ve even said a price I thought would be too high, just to get people to forget about it or go elsewhere... you have to look at what you value more.... money? or time? and sometimes I’d rather have my hour, than be paid to do something I don’t really care about.
Today is my birthday, yup, and today after work, I have to get 2 videos edited for tomorrow, a poster printed and put in the mail, make a thumbnail for a video going live tomorrow, render 2 3d animations and find time to have dinner with family and celebrate the fact that i’m 32.
This might sound nuts, but everyday is like that. At Christmas time I moved to my parents house for a couple of weeks and I didn’t know at the time but I had a panic attack... never had one before... but shortness of breath and being terrified and calm at the same time is the weirdest fucking thing ever, but it was all to do with the fact I was thinking about how much I needed to get done and I couldn’t do it because I was supposed to be relaxing for Christmas.... messed up right?
Sometimes I forget why I do it... sometimes it is soul destroying when you spend 6 weeks on a YouTube video, forgetting about going to events, hanging with friends, being with family, all to dedicate your efforts to something you’re really passionate about and then you watch it fail... you give it everything, it fails, you carry on. I don’t know how long i can do that for, but I’m not done yet.
Over the couple of years I’ve been working on the new channel, I’ve learned so much, but YouTube is constantly changing and more and more people are joining. If you seriously asked me about setting up a channel now, I would ask you one question... How much of yourself are you willing to lose?
I’m not the greatest youtuber, nor do I have the best abilities as others out there. But I’m here to talk about my love of gaming, talk about why I love games and why the industry sometimes does something astronomically stupid in the name of “business” and point that out to the masses. I try to be professional, I try to make sure the content looks its best and is interesting to watch, and one day, I hope more people will find our little corner of the internet, and i hope when they do, they stick around.
I’m not really sure what this post was about... maybe i just felt i needed to write this down...if you got this far, thanks for reading.
Peace and Love, Brendan. x
www.gamegazm.com
