#gay disability

[cwtwheely]

I don’t care for Halloween that much. So I thought I’d take the piss a bit and bring out my Spyro Christmas jumper. I was gonna wear it sometime soon anyway, so I thought now was a good a time as any 😜

[cwtwheely]

There are days where I generally feel happy with my life. There are days where I feel I can take on the world.

Today wasn’t one of those. It’s been one of those where I’ve felt that something was missing.

Long story short, I would love to have a boyfriend. But as much as I’m happy in myself with my disability, I feel as though a lot of guys don’t want to date someone like me.

The fact that I constantly get ignored and blocked on Grindr doesn’t help, nor does the fact that I’ve had three relationships; all three lasting barely two weeks. That takes a huge strain mentally, no matter how much you try and suppress those moments.

Add all of that with a childhood that... wasn’t great, I’ve now been left socially anxious and barely able to talk to anyone I might like, especially in real life. It’s slightly easier to talk to someone behind a screen since I’m in my comfort zone physically. And it’s easier when I know someone.

But away from my comfort zone, in a fairly strange place like Manchester, and I’m an absolute mess. I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone constantly, but I’m still struggling.

Especially when I start thinking that no one would want to be with me, then it becomes a vicious cycle of anxiety and self loathing...

Bottom line: if ever you feel alone, if ever you’re feeling down, talk to someone. Seek help. No one deserves to feel alone.

[cwtwheely]

Being disabled is trying to fit in somewhere or with a group of people, yet constantly feeling out of place.

And potentially pushing yourself away if that ends up happening.

Although that could just be me.

...I just want love and hugs, not gonna lie.