#gender expectations

[theoreticallyliving]

i'm genderfluid and born afab but sometimes i wonder if the reason i started identifying with being genderfluid is my opinion of my appearance fluctuating

like maybe i didn't feel like a girl because i wasn't a pretty girl

but sometimes i am

idk i got no sleep last night

[pinkypoodle]

I’m not saying women who are conventionally feminine don’t make good friends, but I do tend to connect more easily with women who have a less conventional relationship to femininity. They often feel more interesting to befriend because they’re willing to step outside traditional expectations of womanhood and define themselves on their own terms. That doesn’t mean they can’t have internalized misogyny or be bad people. It’s just that there’s often less pressure around gender expectations, and I feel more relaxed being myself around them. Things like shaving, appearance standards, or other expectations tied to femininity tend to feel less important in those friendships, which makes it easier to connect authentically.

[fanfic-lover-girl]

A woman taking her husband's last name

Why do certain Christians (particularly men) believe it's some sort of sin if a woman doesn't want to change her last name?

I grew up naively believing that a woman's name just magically changed when she got married. I thought for some reason that the marriage certificate handled the name change automatically. I never knew any couples where the wife didn't have her husband's name.

It wasn't until I went to the US and I saw that the mom of one of my Christian friends didn't have the same last name. And it made me think - why do I need to change my name?

I love my name. I think my last name is unique enough. It's my father's name. I like the idea of the family having one last name for unity but why do certain Christians (people like Matt Walsh) act as if women are evil and unfaithful for not wanting to change their name?

The way how some men talk about this as a deal breaker makes it sound so possessive and egotistical. Like he's treating her as property he's claiming from the father. Gross. And I bet he won't be lifting a finger to help with the name change process.

It's like people decide tradition is biblical when it's not necessarily the case.

[ana-log]

You know what’s crazy. Some people will act like it’s a moral failure for a girl to like action movies. Oh noooo the blood. Which is fine, if that’s your morals, good, fair. I respect pacifists. But not if you would be fine with the guys watching it. Then it’s not about morals; It’s just sexist.

[liskantope]

I think the repeated "Xena and Gabrielle" comparisons Rachel and Cassie make about each other (and have made about each other) are a little eyebrow-raising in the 90s context. Xena was not a particularly heterosexual thing for a girl to be compared to in the 90s. The physical descriptions seem fairly normal outside of that, though.

I have zero memory of Cassie ever being compared to Gabrielle in the books nor any recollection of there being such a pop culture character as Gabrielle -- outside of the excerpt I included in my last post of course, which I didn't remember until I found it the other day -- and I'm guessing this reference may have been made exactly once by Cassie about herself and possibly zero times by Rachel about Cassie. As for Xena, Rachel constantly got compared to Xena throughout the series... not by Cassie but by Marco. "Xena" is practically his nickname for her. It referred to certain not-traditionally-feminine traits that Rachel had. To my reading, Marco repeats the comparison so often that the other characters begin to constantly associate Rachel with Xena as well, and maybe Cassie in a narrative description of her makes the comparison once or twice.

All this amounts to, as far as I can see, is that both Rachel and Cassie, while very feminine characters in their own ways, each have their own particular traits which buck traditional norms around femininity, yet each are happy enough in their own skin (Cassie occasionally sounds a little insecure about having some extra weight around her thighs but otherwise is fine with her looks and not being a supermodel-looking teenager like Rachel is) and each is totally accepting of the other. The fact that the two girl characters don't conform to many expectations of femininity and accept that in themselves and in each other is a beautiful thing and in principle I don't see why it should imply either of them falling into any kind of queer demographic, although I'm more and more beginning to get the impression that the umbrella of queerness is (at least currently) understood to encompass any sense of gender nonconformity whatsoever.

Not trying to be argumentative; I appreciate you sharing your take. Also, some of my memory of exactly what is said how many times in the books may be faulty here.

[redd956]

Transphobia and heteronormative gender expectations aside, Usamericans wouldn't have to be so worried about creeps in the bathrooms if they made it so there weren't fucking gaps in the stalls

[beggun]

i don't think that gender reveal parties are really an issue that trans people should be connecting directly to them - or at least not in the way that it's being done in discourse right now. tho i do think that it's one of those things that reveal something about the culture and beliefs of the people performing it.

because like: parents are not going to be prone to be more or less understanding of gender diverse dynamics based on whether they do or don't do a gender reveal party, but they probably think highly of this concept in some way. this is not entirely new. what i do think that gender reveal parties bring of new to the table is a social ritual around an expectation: you're going to have fathers that want sons, grandmas who want daughters, mother that want sons and so on and so forth. and we see the way in which these gender reveal parties go immediately wrong sometimes: mostly when the father doesn't get the gender he expected to (this can also happen to mothers, but they tend to be less outwardly about it).

and in a lot of cases not entirely caused by gender reveal parties but probably reinforced by this social ritual, you're going to have disappointed parents in a child that simply isn't the gender they expected to.

what does this have to do with transgender people? not a lot, i think. i would bet that the percentile of people that had weird/sad/dehumanizing childhoods because they weren't the gender they were "supposed" to be is a lot higher than that of trans people in general. what does this have to do with gender? EVERYTHING. i think that this is why trans people end up flocking to discuss the topic in the first place.

[sluttyquarantinetheory]

I am so mesmerized how often people just bend to bullshit criticisms.

"People treat me better when I'm wearing makeup." Yeah it's bullshit and you should tell them to eat shit.

"Someone will say something if I don't shave my legs." Fuck 'em. They can die mad about it.

"I get dirty looks when I dress a certain way." And? Kill them or something idk.

Why are you bowing to the bullshit expectations of someone you don't even respect? And half the time people are talking about a potential thing that can happen.

"You never know if someone will say something." Yeah that's true even if you jump through all the hoops in the course.

Like I know I'm visibly queer person who's never matched the basic expectations of gender, but also I can't fathom the point of making myself miserable to appease fuckos I don't even know.