can you write a story like gojo and reader at first were just friends with benefits and agreed not to have any deep feelings but then gojo fell in love
•ू Order: friends with benefits where frat!jo falls in love with you⋆ . ࿔ ˚
🧾: you weren't keen on relationships and gojo was a known ladies man. you two grew closer after he saw you sober at a party again, stuck as a designated driver. after some time he offered to make a pact, friends with benefits. simple enough, right? your only concrete rule was no feelings. guess who broke it.
•ू frat!jo x fem!reader ┆slightly kinky gojo ┆university au ┆women in law ┆he's pathetic ┆friends with benefits ┆broken promises ⋆ . ࿔ ˚
if there was one thing you knew about yourself, it was that you did not want to date.
you wanted a successful career in law.
you wanted amazing connections and friendships.
you did not want feelings.
those always came with too much emotional, tedious work. and that was just not something you were willing to go through.
you had your fair share of relationships. but they just never worked for you. men always expected you to lose yourself in them completely, to give up on your goals and friends, to text every minute of the day or endure their cringy-ness.
but that is simply not who you were. you would much rather go out with your friends than go on a barely thought out date. you would never miss a study session or a lecture for a man. you would never not chase your dreams for some feelings.
feelings didnt make you proud. feelings didnt pay bills.
but satisfaction sure did.
that’s why when shoko introduced you to gojo, you two clicked immediately.
not in a romcom type of way, where time stills and breaths get caught.
it was a regular college party. light flashing, people talking over each other, floor increasingly getting sticky. shoko snuck off to get yet another refill of whatever she was drinking and since you were her designated driver, you stayed back, nursing your diet coke.
somehow, you found yourself in a far corner, sitting on a couch alone as the loud music drifted through the walls. your thumb was in the process of pressing the ‘block’ button on a very insistent guy from your philosophy lecture when gojo plopped down next to you.
you have spoken to him once or twice before, thanks to shoko of course. but it has never been anything deep. surface level stuff mostly. but he was easy to talk to.
gojo let out a deep sigh as he sunk into the cushions, legs stretching before him. he always casually took up space, like he owned it.
you set your phone down and turned towards him as he lazily turned his head your way as well, a grin already pulling on his lips. you could tell by the lidded eyes and the swimming smile that he was a little tipsy, or a little high.
his eyes, dulled by the cloud casted over them, still somehow the sharpest blue you have ever seen, slid over you. like his gaze was moving through syrup. “not enjoying the party?” satoru hummed.
“its fine,” you smiled, leaning back as well. “no party is that fun when youre sober.”
gojo’s smile widened at your words, “oh? again?” he tsk-ed, shaking his head teasingly. “you keep driving shoko around like youre her chauffeur. you should really get yourself a man to come get you. or else you wont have any fun.”
the way he spoke, so sure of himself, like everything he spoke was the ultimate truth.
“oh absolutely not.” you waved your hand, dissipating the idea into the air. “i rather stay sober forever, driving shoko’s drunk ass around, than rely on a man.”
gojo raised an amused eyebrow, leaning in just a tiny bit as he spoke “is that so?”
you nodded, once and slow. somewhere in another room, the song slowed down to some sultry beat.
“so, not a relationship girl then?”
you cringed slightly. “it would be like me telling you to keep one girl at home for life.”
gojo let out a breathy laugh, “okay, i see your point.” he shook his head and threw it back, his white hair — soft and falling down into his eyes — now sat a bit messily on his head. your eyes slid over the way his neck arched, his adams apple sharpening.
before you could master something else up to continue the conversation going with the half-conscious frat president, shoko stumbled back in. a whole bottle of liquor was clutched in between her fingers and a wobbly grin pulling on her lips. you had to quickly solve that problem and take her home before she became a total menace.
ever since that day, every gathering you were at, every party, every functions, gojo was there. you were sure he was present at all the previous ones you have attended, since he knew everyone and anyone everywhere. but now your eyes subconsciously zeroed in on the familiar white hair, easy smile, and sparkling blue eyes. and it is not as if he hasnt noticed you.
every time he caught your eyes he’d flash you a smile, wave you over, or just walk over to you. always leaning in closer to hear better or tease you, always respectful, and eyes always hungry. it is as if the man had a sweet tooth and a whole candy shop before him.
and it wasn’t all sexual tension either. that would have quickly turned you to the door.
no, he was genuinely caring, funny, and open minded. his overbearing extroverted energy seemed to drag everyone in.
some nights you smoked up at his balcony during a party, talking about relationships and surprisingly, he seemed to line up with you on many of the points.
they were messy, they quickly became boring, and they were set up to disappoint.
on other nights, you could catch him while passing in a hallway and hed crack the stupidest joke and make you double over in laughter. you really did not have to wonder how he became so popular.
it was not at all news when the two of you became friends. it was expected. from the way you two sought each other out in crowded rooms and exchanged glanced in lecture halls like there was always a private joke or a silent comment passing between the two of you.
it was one of those quieter get together parties that gojos frat barely ever threw but when it did, they were truly the best experience.
the lights were dimmed inside, outside a campfire was going strong. people, all familiar faces, littered the backyard and the couched inside. soft chatter mixed with the hum of the music to create the most pleasant and relaxing sound.
you found yourself upstairs again. you were leaning against the railings of gojos large balcony, looking down on everyone sprawled around the fire on the grass. the glass door slid open behind you as gojo walked in with two drinks and leaned right next to you, a soft smile already pulling at his lips as he noticed your contemplative look.
“whats going on in that pretty head of yours, hm?”
you rolled your eyes but couldnt stop the smile the crept on your face from his dumb comment. “im just people watching.” you hummed, eyes flickering back to everyone beneath you. “couples are getting a little cozy…”
“yeah?” gojo leaned over to see some of his friends hands snake around their girlfriends waists or watched as someone gets pulled inside, people sharing blankets. “what? youre suddenly getting fomo?”
“cant blame a girl for wanting this once in a while.” you muttered, leaning your chin into your palm. “and i could have it.”
“you could.” gojo didnt argue, he knew you could if you wanted it bad enough. if you wanted anything bad enough you’d get it. he took a sip of his concoction in a red cup and spoke up again, voice lower now, warmer. “you deserve it, too.”
you shook your head. “yeah well, if every guy was like you. saw relationships the way i did, then i would be in a happy little agreement. but that would be a perfect world. and we all know that doesnt exist-“
“i am willing to make your perfect world exist.” gojo quickly cut your last word off. as if seeing you mildly upset or disappointed drove him beyond self-control and his body decided to solve every single one of your issues on its own.
you actually laughed. that was a funny joke. a joke? right?
“no. seriously. why would you want every guy to be like me if you got the satoru gojo. you dont need no other guy.” a smug smirk settled on his lips like it belonged there. “how about we just make a little pact?”
“a pact? that is so cliche.” your laughter subsided once you realized he was serious.
“maybe so,” gojo shrugged, taking another long sip. “but hear me out, yeah? youre complaining that there is no other guy like me. fair.”
“not what i said-“ you muttered.
he carried on without paying your comment any attention. “we both want physical closeness. it is obvious by the way you always talk about these couples and by the way i always have some girl on my arm. wouldn’t it simply be convenient? easier? to hook up with someone who holds the same values?”
you stared at him for a good moment. the way the chilly breeze ruffled his soft hair, his blue eyes sparkling with recently subdued laughter, his cheeks slightly pink — from the embarrassment of asking you to casually hook up or from the cold, you weren’t sure — his lips were pulled into a confident smile that lived rent free on his handsome face.
“so what you propose, essentially, is that we become friends with benefits?”
“yeah! wouldn’t that just make our lives easier? and dont say no right away,” he held his hand up, “i dont want a relationship, you dont deal with feelings, but we crave. i think we are more than capable of satisfying each others hunger without it becoming a chore.”
“plus,” he put on the smuggest expression he could, “you get to have the satoru gojo whenever you want.” that earned him a shove from you.
but the more you thought about it, the more it made sense. it was logical. it made sense. you did want closeness, some nights you craved a body alongside yours. and no one could deny how attractive satoru was, even his friends would attest to it.
you slumped against the railing a bit more, letting out a long sigh of contemplating. “if we do this,” satorus eyes immediately lit up, back straightening, but he slowed his reaction down as to not to seem overly eager to hear what you had to say. “we have to do it right. we have to keep this as casual as possible, not feelings.” you said finally, there was absolutely no arguing with you on this.
“you can draft up a contract and i will sign it.”
“dont joke. im being serious.” you pouted slightly. “I want rules for a reason. i dont often meet people who view things the same way i do and… i really like being your friend satoru. i dont want to lose that.” the vulnerability in your voice surprised him a bit.
you couldnt look up at him as you said it, but if you did, you would see his bright blue eyes softening after the wave of shock passed over his face, taking you in as something precious.
he leaned over, strong arms wrapping around your middle and his chip propped up on the top of your head. “hey, dont worry.” his warmth seeped into your back and spread over your entire body. “you wont ever lose me. i promise.”
and that promise opened a new chapter in your life. a chapter where you and gojo became friends with benefits.
you usually weren’t awkward when it came to sex. so why was it suddenly so difficult?
you were semi-dressed, sprawled on the bed of your apartment. just a large t-shirt and panties on, nothing fancy.
strands of gojos fluffy white hair peaked from between your legs.
you weren’t shy, you weren’t self conscious. you were confident.
so then why couldnt you stop worrying? you felt every joint in your body lock up and every muscle clench, and he hasnt even done anything yet.
satoru didnt need to be a medical professional to feel the way your quads stiffened, your entire body feeling more like a piece of steel than flesh.
his large, warm hands skimmed up your thigh, stopping half way with a comforting weight.
“hey, relax.” he said lowly, as not to disturb the atmosphere you tried to establish with the dim lights. “i can tell youre stressed,” he gave your tense legs a light squeeze, “whats wrong?” he cocked his head, his white hair flopping along.
you lifted yourself up on your elbows to see him better. “nothing is wrong…”
he tsk-ed, “dont lie to me, pretty. c’mon, i couldnt have already messed up, right?” a small smile played on his face, his perfectly pink lips tugging upwards.
you huffed and flopped back. gojos eyes trailed over your form, smile brightening at your petulant behavior. “you called me in the middle of the night, yet youre the one huffing?”
gojo didnt receive a response yet again, instead you flipped to the side, arms crossed.
the bed creaked slightly as gojos weight settled in behind you. “come on, if you dont talk then we will never solve this issue, will we?”
satoru was being quite rational for a man in the middle of the night. you almost couldnt recognize the frat president that was known for his wild parties.
“im scared.” you mumbled into your bed.
“yes, i remember.” his hand was now in your hair, smoothing over the strands. “but i made a promise, and i intend to keep it. want me to get down on my knees? — again — and pledge it?”
“stop making a joke out of it,” you turned and shoved his shoulder but he just laughed, the sound filling up the room and seeping into your brain.
“i swore you wont ever lose me. now let me prove it to you.” gojo cooed, taking a hand that earlier shoved him and pulling you closer.
“im embarrassed.” your words fumbled out and you immediately cringed at yourself.
satoru stilled for a second, “of what?”
“of the fact that i wanted this bad enough to call you in the middle of the night…”
and suddenly you were in motion again. you were lifted and a second later you were straddling him, his hands a welcomed weight on your hips. “youre embarrassed? im the one that brought up the idea in the first place, im the one that picked up when you called, who drove here at an ungodly hour, who-“ he thrusted his sweatpant-clad hips against yours “-who wants you so bad it hurts a little.”
your eyes widened at the bulge that pressed against your entrance, the sudden friction so delicious yet so fleeting.
“so how about you just focus on me being the fool, hm?” and another trust, your gasp fled your lips before you had the chance to stop it. “would you enjoy that, pretty?”
hot blood pumped through your veins and heat built up at the back of your neck, you couldnt deny it anymore. the same rush of neediness as earlier when you called him returned, making you sensitive to every touch of his slender fingers.
you nodded frantically “yes i- id enjoy.”
a grin, though also slightly worked up, reappeared once again on satorus face. his hands slid under your large shirt, mapping out the muscles and flesh of your body before settling on the delicate black lace that trimmed you so beautifully.
satoru leaned closer towards your neck, his hot tongue tracing up the column of your throat. its wet and hot and slick and you have never felt more turned on. his hands were simultaneously sliding over your back and sides, fingers clenching around your ribcage before falling down to the hem of the shirt.
gojo flicks his sharp tongue once against your earlobe before creating some space between you two, just enough to pull your large shirt over your head.
“where did you even get a shirt so big, hm?” gojo chuckled, tossing it aside. the shirt practically swallowed you whole earlier. “is it from one of your other boyfriends?” he teased.
“shut up,” you said for what felt like the millionth time. you set your hands on your hips, fully bare besides your panties now.
you saw in real time as satorus brain short circuited. teasing gone from his face as the edges of his lips fell slowly, eyes sparkling as if he was a cartoon character, breaths becoming shallow.
the curves of your body felt hot from how insistently gojos blue eyes ran over them, over and over again. almost reverently.
“i dont think you are in any position to show me attitude.” your confidence hit you like a train, coming back with full force as you leaned forward. “i mean. you are under my control right now.”
for a second, all gojo could do was swallow. his pale face brightened in embarrassing, albeit adorable, shade of red that you have never seen on him before. “yes, pretty ma’am.” he swallowed before a smile split his lips, “punish me then.”
you rolled your eyes, jokingly shoving his face to the side into your pillows. “youre so annoying.”
the expression on his face could only be described as delighted. pure, unadulterated delight.
the glint and shimmer in his already bright blue eyes evident in the low lights, “do that again.”
when you huffed and looked away, not getting baited by his teasing requests, he gripped your thighs with a kind of desperate need you haven’t felt from him before.
“please do that again.” this time, it came out a bit more breathless and petulant from his side.
your eyes widened a little and your head snapped back to look down at him once you clocked that he wasn’t joking.
“what? you like that?” you giggled.
he nodded, not a single bit ashamed. “please,” his hands guided your hips to roll against his length, the heat building between the layers of clothes.
you couldnt stop smiling, it was so absurd to see gojo so desperate. did he get this way with every girl?
“please what?” you teased, grounding down a bit harder. you felt his fingers clenching against your hips before sprawling out. he dipped them into your lace underwear.
“keep doing that. do more.” he was so eager, you could see his pulse jumping from the vein on his neck. “how dare i show you attitude? you have to put me back in my place, pretty girl. shove, bite, slap.”
it was so unexpected. you assumed gojo was the type of guy who would take charge. someone who’d guide the whole process, a top who might make it a bit too much about himself.
and sure he was guiding you, giving you directions, steering you in the way he wanted. but it was so different with his face all flushed and eyes all needy and him being under you, letting you basically use him.
along the way, the rest of the clothes found themselves in unorganized piles on the floor.
you knew from the rumors that gojo was an impressive guy. from the length of sex to the quality, all around five stars.
but seeing him all bare and flushed for yourself was beyond what any rumor made you imagine.
when he freed himself off the sweatpants and the black boxers he had on earlier, a small concern crossed your mind. would you even be able to take him?
satorus fingers tightened over your hip bone, gently easing you off him to angle himself better for you.
satoru went slow at first, his flushed, glistening tip sliding in slowly, parting your walls further than they have ever been before. your hands fisted into the comforter beneath you two, teeth sinking into your bottom lip to suppress a noise that was sure to come out soon anyway.
“thats right, take it.” gojo’s voice was a little strained, and though there was bravado in his tone, he was obviously as affected as you.
skin connected with skin, your moans mixing together as you slowly found your rhythm. gojos hands were everywhere, from the tips of your hair, sliding over the column of your neck, tracing your chest — teasing your hardened nipples — sliding over your things, gripping your waist. he couldnt get enough of your skin beneath his hands and he did not want to neglect any part of your body.
you were not in the headspace to hold yourself back any longer, every thrust sent you more and more over the edge. satorus voice cut through the haze, “im making you feel good, yeah? i know i am.”
“oh shut up,” you muttered, breathlessly annoyed at his proud declaration “dont get so cocky.” you remembered what he said earlier, and before you hesitated, you shoved his face away again, harder this time.
you swore you heard him let out a low whine, “but i am, am i not?” he expressed the rhetorical question with another powerful trust that you felt up in your lungs.
if he was going to try to take your breath away, then you were going to return the favor. you weren’t above letting him have exactly what he asked for.
“i told you to shut up, did i not, satoru?” your hand slid up his torso, every plane of his body defined and shining with a thin layer of sweat, reflecting your yellowish lights.
“make me,” he huffed out with a sharp smile and in the matter of second your hand was at the base of his throat.
as your fingers tightened lightly, testing the boundaries but pushing nonetheless, gojos breathing became more erotic.
shallow and deep all at once, the rhythm of his trusts broke, hips stuttering every time you tightened your fingers.
“fuck, yes pretty girl.” he whined out, one of his hands warm on your back as pulled you closer. though he became much messier he was not losing the power of his thrusts. every single one made you see stars for a second. “just like that, mhm.”
he didnt stop the praises and the whines, even as his voice rasped or cracked. he just kept showering the affections down at you.
his lips touched anywhere he could reach, a kiss against your collarbone, a slide of his hot tongue against your neck.
as he was losing his breath all he could focus on was the weight of you on him and the delicious ache he felt at his throat.
the night was far from over for the two of you.
he never felt so good in his life, and that thought alone made his head spin off its axis.
no one has ever felt as good as you.
“my dicks broken,” gojo announces one day during breakfast. toji was immediately laughing his ass off.
geto stops preparing his tea for a second, long enough to let out a sigh and turn to face the two. gojo was pacing the frats kitchen and toji was bending over the kitchen island, trying to catch his breath.
“what are you going off about?” geto asked, amusements dancing in his tired eyes.
“its been three weeks, THREE- since her and i fucked.”
“ou shii, she broke you.” toji smirked.
“okay? whats the problem, just call her up again, isn’t that the agreement?” geto returned back to steeping his tea, ignoring tojis comment.
“or just hook up with another girl?” toji finally straightened up, black shirt stretching over his tall, muscular frame.
“no! no, none of you get it!” gojo groaned, hands flying into his sleep-messy hair.
“seems like a pretty easy solution to me,” toji grumbled and reached for a piece of toast, munching on it while watching gojos dramatic performance.
“i tried!” satoru stopped in his tracks. “i tried, okay? i wanted to keep it casual, be cool about it like she asked. so i went to hook up with another girl like a week later. and it just- i just.” another loud groan echoed through the walls. “this cant be happening to me.” he sunk to the floor like a dramatic princess.
“so what youre saying is.. you didnt get hard?” geto leaned back, sipping his tea out of the special porcelain cup he got as gift from gojo their freshman year.
gojo only let out a string of incoherent mumbles and whines.
“he’s hopeless,” mumbled kento who was passing by, halfway out of the front door to get to his morning lecture on time.
“maybe that girl you were hooking up with was just… not your type or something?” toji supposed with his mouth half full.
“yeah, maybe you just need to try again with someone else?” geto approached gojo that was slumping against the wall on the floor and crouched down. “or are you giving up?”
geto knew how to get a rise out of his best friend so he obviously wasnt surprised when gojos head immediately snapped up.
“no,” there was fire in his eyes that contrasted with the blue orbs, “youre right. i just have to… figure out how to solve this issue and thats all. and then ill be back to normal.” in seconds, satoru was back on his feet, running up the stairs to grab his phone, probably to call another girl or do whatever he thought was going to solve his issue.
“poor guy doesnt know what hit em,” toji grumbled as he heard gojos door slam.
“think there’s a chance?” geto asked, turning his lean frame towards him.
toji laughed, “yeah, there’s no fucking way.”
the plan that was oh-so-sure to work absolutely failed.
of course gojo did not want to accept the fact that something besides his dick could be affected in this scenario. but there was no denying it.
with the way he always sought you out — random party invites, finding you tucked away in the library, walking you form your lectures —spent more and more time with you, memorized your habits that had nothing to do with late nights or desperate calls like your favorite drink, or that one snack you ate on your way to a 9 am lecture. that definitely did not make his situation better.
you weren’t reading into his behavior because your friendship has been advancing fast previous to everything that happened. so he must just be an attentive friend to you.
it was wednesday, past noon. your criminology lecture ended ten minutes later than usual and you were already beat from an exam you had in the morning.
gojo stood outside the lecture hall, shoulder leaning against the wall of the hallway, waiting for you to walk out with a bag crammed with books and far too heavy to be carrying on one shoulder.
he was dressed in a pretty simple outfit; baggy jeans, a white t-shirt peaking from the bottom of his gray crewneck, yet it still earned him a couple of lingering glances and giggles from the students that walked by.
but as he stood there, the pink shirt that he saw you wear earlier when he walked you to your morning lecture did not make an appearance.
inside, your friend was babbling your ear off about one of her professors and you did your best to keep up with her fast-advancing story as you stuffed your belongings back into your shoulder bag.
suddenly your friend halted in her story “and then he sent me an email- wait.”
“yeah?” you haven’t looked up yet, a paper got crammed under your textbook and you were trying to fish it out without having to empty the entire content of your bag.
“isn’t that?” your friend narrowed her eyes at the tall figure peeking through the door of the lecture hall, white strands softly curling near blue eyes. “.. the same guy from this morning?”
by the time your friend finished asking her question, satoru was almost behind you.
“what are you talking about?” you squished your binders aside, finally getting the edge of paper.
“the tall one?” your friend attempted to whisper but it came out indiscreet. “are you two a thing?” she giggled and gojo stopped in his tracks right behind you.
that question shouldnt have made him react this way, it shouldnt have messed with his head so much and definitely shouldnt have made his heart stutter for three whole seconds.
especially not when you so nonchalantly waved the idea away.
“were just friends, dont be dumb.” the papers were all rearranged and you finally turned to leave, only to bump your face straight into satorus chest. “oh, toru. hi.” you smiled up at him and suddenly gojos body was filled with thick, hot liquid that made it feel as if he was melting from the inside.
your friend giggled beside you again, whispering ‘toru’ teasingly as she made her way around you two and out of the hall.
you apologized about your friends ‘childish behavior’ and fell into step beside him.
it became sort of a second nature for you to scan the room for his figure, to tune in for his voice, to fall into the same walking rhythm.
the campus was quieter, most students packed into lecture halls. the gray skies made everything seem a little too bright, especially for your tired brain.
fall leaves crunched under your feet as the two of you walked through the courtyard.
you shivered, the shirt you had on stood no chance against the increasing gusts of wind. with your shoulder basically pressed against gojos, he felt the tremor in your body and one glance towards you confirmed his suspicion.
goosebumps rose readily and instinctively. you crossed your arms over your chest, trying to conserve as much body heat as possibly.
“i told you you’d get cold,” satorus voice was a teasing scolding. but it wasn’t untrue, he did in fact note of the absence of your sweater earlier in the morning.
“its fine, its like.. a five minute walk.”
“yeah, a five minute walk to hypothermia.” gojos hands immediately went to the hem of his crewneck before tugging it over his head.
the action made his shirt ride up, exposing the line of abs you were now well acquainted with. but the sight of them was irresistible every single time. like no matter how many times you saw his toned body, the next time still felt like the first.
before you could protest, say something about people getting the wrong idea (obviously your friend getting in your head), he tugged the hoodie over your head, slipping your bag off your shoulder as he helped you into it.
the crewneck was thick, fluffed on the inside and warmed by gojos body heat.
the weight was comforting over your chilled skin so you couldnt even complain any longer.
“keep it for all i care,” gojo flashed you a grin, his toned arms exposed, hair slightly tousled from sliding his crewneck over it. “but i do know a way you can make it up to me.” his grin widened, teeth pressing into his bottom lip like he was holding back a laugh. the wiggle of his eyebrows was suggestive and earned him a smack to the chest.
“feisty,” he huffed out a laugh, “but thats not what i meant.”
that got your attention, you looked up, his white hair blinding against the gray clouds.
“im throwing a party on thursday and you have to come.”
“i have to check my schedule-“
“dont give me that,” he whined, “you haven’t been to any functions recently. its no fun without you.” he dramatically clung to your shoulders as you walked, having to practically drag him after you.
“get off me, toru! youre heavy as hell.”
“agree and I will get off and let you keep the sweater.”
“you already said i could keep it.” you huffed.
“im no better than going back on my word. i will take it back. please, y/n. my poor little heart wont handle another rejection.”
his melodramatic tendencies were annoying at times, especially times like these, but you found yourself reluctantly smiling anyway.
“fine, you big baby. ill come to your dumb party.”
“so rude!” gojo gasped but released you, though he really didnt want to, “you say that, yet i know you’ll have the most fun there.”
the soft bickering between the two of you continued as you walked back to your dorm, topic from topic flowing comfortably between you two, filling the space and warming up more than your skin, but something deep inside you.
as much as you complained about coming to gojos parties, they really were fun. no wonder people always tried to get in, even when the house obviously exceeded the limit.
you walked through the door and it took you less than a second to clock someone trying to take a shot while doing a handstand. right, the usual.
you weaved your way through the crowd, spotting familiar faces who were used to seeing you around, like toji, who was so obviously scamming some poor freshman into paying way more for weed than anyone should under the low lights of a frat house kitchen.
as toji was counting the money, muttering under his breath, you slid to lean against a counter next to him.
his sharp eyes glanced sideways before a little smirk tugged on his lips “hey, princess.”
somehow, you have acquired multiple nicknames while coming around. but you weren’t going to argue.
“hey, big guy.” you said just as casually.
“tsk, cant say all that.” money tucked deep into his sweatpants, he lazily turned towards you “or i might have to take you form that idiot.” toji jerked his head in gojos general direction.
you scoffed, shaking your head “youre talking as if i am his.”
“oh? then i guess i could. since youre free.” as much as he liked to impose and crowd and flirt, it was more like a joke that started a couple of parties earlier, when you were waiting around for satoru, just like right now.
“doesnt mean i want your bum ass,” you laughed, earning a side glance from toji.
a hand slipped around your shoulder, tugging you back against a warm chest. “youre the only one that can get away with calling him that,” satorus voice was playful, already betting on toji’s temper exploding.
“get the hell out of here, white haired freak.” toji muttered as he turned away, all interest lost the second the obnoxious white ball of energy entered the room.
“bum ass!” he called after him before tugging you deeper into the party and out of the empty kitchen.
you were chatting with a girl from one of your lectures. apparently she was staying sober tonight too, so it was safer sticking with her than anyone else.
usually you’d be by gojo, since he was the one that invited you. but as time went by, the two of you lost each other in the sea of people. and anyway, you rather not cling to him all night.
your back was against the wall opposite the staircase. people littered all around the entrance.
some stood on the steps, leaning over the ledge as they talked, others filtered in and out of the house for a quick smoke or to take a call.
the room never stood still. the flashing lights made everything feel like it was in motion.
you found yourself only half focused on the story the girl in front of you was telling you.
you were able to nod at the right times and hum as if you were paying attention, but your eyes were glued to the tall, white haired statue that just walked past the two of you, hand in hand with a girl you saw in the passing on campus.
she had an eager smile on her face, walking ahead of him and pulling gojo after her, he followed, an easy smile on his face.
you watched the two descend upstairs and something twisted in your stomach.
it wasnt sickening or painful, but it was an unwelcome twinge. one you didnt want to discuss or admit to feeling. only maybe to a therapist.
upstairs, gojo was already perched against the mattress of a guest bedroom. the pretty eager girl in his lap was from his economics lecture.
shes been hitting on him since two years ago. maybe shell be able to fix him?
satoru tried to enjoy himself as much as possible. he had a pretty girl doing over the top for him. so why couldnt he just enjoy the view? why couldnt he find her enticing?
he could admit that she was conventionally attractive, but that didnt do anything for him. it didnt make his heart stutter, didnt make him want to reach for his phone and snap a photo just to save this moment. and lastly, it didnt make him hard.
even as her hands ran all over him, her lips trailed down his neck, eyes stayed connected as she lowered herself between his legs, he couldnt stop imagining you.
it was maddening. nothing besides this moment should exist for him right now and he desperately tried to push the thought of you away.
the girls fingers ran over the zipper of his jeans. yeah, thats right. there was a pretty girl in between his legs, touching him. thats what he had to focus on.
focus satoru told himself, laying his hand on the back of the girls head. she touched him right and it usually would have worked on him. but this time, its as if the nerve endings decided to be unresponsive to anyone else.
“please,” he muttered under his breath, “for the love of god..” the sigh that followed was filled to the brim with disappointment.
the girl slowed here movements, obviously seeing there was no affect. it didnt stop her though, instead she climbed back onto gojos lap.
she took on a more aggressive style, rolling her hips against his, kissing down the line of his throat, tangling her fingers in his fluffy white hair. but it felt as if she was trying to turn a rock on.
gojo was panicking, wielding his mind to somehow connect to his dick and just make it work!
but he stayed soft, even with a girl basically offering herself up on a platter. he was horrified and extremely embarrassed.
he stilled her movement with his hand, “i think we better not..”
she blinked down at him “do you like… not think im hot?”
“no youre hot. very much. just… bad night.”
the girl scoffed, pushing against his chest to get up and away “literally what the hell is wrong with you.”
the next thing gojo heard is a door slamming after her. face buried in his hands, he flopped back onto the unused bed. “fuckkk.. what is wrong with me?” aggravation and disappointment threatened to overflow from inside of him. he felt so embarrassingly desperate and so out of control.
he felt more agitated with himself rather than with you, even though it is your face and eyes that kept flushing through his mind.
satoru didnt want to be a dick. he also wanted his to work but thats aside for now.
he didnt want to break the promise he made. he didnt want to feel like he was deceiving you every time he tried to hide what he felt.
even though he himself did not yet realize what the feeling is. he didnt want to feel frustrated or like some pervert.
but how could he not when he got hard from you leaning back into him for a simple photo, or during a casual hug, or — and satoru had to admit this was him setting himself up for failure — when he would hold your waist when passing by, just a brush and nothing more.
and god forbid you posted a new photo of yourself on instagram.
satoru was in his economics lecture when a notification of your account popped up on his phone.
one click and he was immediately zeroed in on your photo. and fuck- he couldnt stop himself from blushing, his entire face went red. blood rushing into the pale cheeks and up to his ears.
he tried to cover whatever embarrassing sound was going to leave his mouth with his hand, but that did not make the sight any less pathetic.
“satoru?” nanamis whispered voice came way too close to gojos ear. satorus phone fumbled in his hand as a jerked away to the side, landing with a clatter on his desk.
“wh-nanami!” he whisper yelled. “dont-“ gojo huffed, trying to gain his composure “dont do that! i felt your breath down my neck. thats so fucking creepy.”
“my bad for trying to see if you were okay.” kento rolled his eyes. “you look like youre about to pass out from an internal heatstroke.” he casually reached over, picking gojos phone up with a disappointed face. “man, you are hopeless.”
“who asked you?” gojo snatched his phone back, but it was not before kento saw what was on it. or rather, who was on it.
“youre acting like a creepy old dude. or a desperate ex. or like youre at war missing your wife-” enough gojo whined. “-but if youre not going to do something soon. all you will have left are photos of her.”
“you know i cant, youre being cruel. we had a promise”
“excuse me! it was peak idea at the time.”
the two bicker-whispered the entire lecture, so much so that people would turn around multiple times to eye them for being too loud.
you were sick to your stomach. what was wrong with you?!
you couldnt stop thinking about that girl gojo was with.
it was stupid, considering you didnt have feelings for him. no way!
you tried to convince yourself it was simply curiosity. it was natural to know who your sex partner was sleeping with.
how. why. did he enjoy her more? did they spend time outside together? did he open up to that girl like he did to you?
no! cut it out! you groaned into your pillow. “it doesnt matter, idiot!” the pillow muffled your shout.
why was it suddenly important to you if some other girl was able to make him laugh? or hold him? or promise that she will never lose him? it was annoying.
frankly, it was a bit more than annoying. it drove you insane.
you felt as if every casual touch had the intensity of a thousand needles pleasantly poking you wherever his hands were. but if he was so casual with it, that meant he was doing that to everyone!
of course those touches meant nothing to him and you felt like an even bigger idiot of even noticing them.
this was absurd, and you decided you had to cut it out of you somehow.
gojo thought back to what nanami said.
maybe he was being an idiot. it was obvious in the way his grades slipped a little. in the lectures he missed once in a while.
he has been told off before, but that hasnt really changed his behavior. he was on track for all he cared.
he was doing… well enough. but whenever something really got in the way and occupied his brain, suffocated his every thought, he simply couldnt focus.
it seems like all gojo could focus on was that he couldnt focus at all.
sprawled over his bed, the lazy afternoon sun shone through the crack in the blinds. a piercing sound of a ringtone sounded through a room which elicited a groan from the white haired man.
satoru already knew who was on the other line. his brother.
satoru off-handedly mentioned being unable to focus after he bombed his last quiz and his brother boiled over. he went as far as setting the time for the phone call, so the intervention was well scheduled.
gojo simply stared at the photo on the screen. a face identical to his, the only difference are the nerdy glasses perched on the other boys face.
a while back, the boys made a deal, or rather satorus twin forced him into it.
the deal was that his brother would once in a while check gojos grades, make sure they weren’t slipping and in case they were, he would motivate and push him. because, thats what brothers were for, right?
as annoying as it was at first, satoru knew that his brother was just looking out for him. as the school years went by, there was less and less surveillance up until… now.
when satoru finally picked up the phone, the first thing he heard was a disappointed sigh.
“satoru.” the voice came in clear and sharp. satoru sat up in his bed, getting ready for the serious conversation.
“please, not that tone. i cant stand when you talk to me like that.”
“like what?” the voice on the other line snapped. “like youre an idiot? i think its time someone does!”
“my problem is you.” the twin replied sharply. “i thought i didnt have to baby sit you anymore, that you would be fine on your own. but apparently that will never change.” his brother was frustrated and rightfully so.
he spent so much of his life making sure satoru didnt fall behind, that he was always moving ahead in life, it took up enough of his time and now the two were technically adults.
“i am fine on my own. mind your own business. i dont need you calling me like a stressed out mother. tsk.”
“the only reason our mother isn’t stressed out is because of me! you cant bother to keep yourself in check! ive spent so much of my life making sure you wouldnt become this. how can you care so little? about everything i have done for you? about disappointing our parents? i genuinely cannot fathom your thought process, satoru.” his brother voice deflated at the end, it seems as if all the fight was out of him already.
a tense minute of silence went by before his brother sighed once more.
“an apology is not what im looking for. i guess i cant get through to you.”
the twin hung up. sounds filled the room all around satoru. the birds chirping outside, the conversation floating through the walls, the random creaks from the building. but all he could hear was static.
the thick overwhelming rush of blood in his ears blocked out everything else.
satoru has messed up pretty bad before. but nothing has ever left such a bitter taste in his mouth.
nothing has ever weighed down on his chest so hard it felt difficult to breathe.
satoru was well aware that the world around him kept spinning and that instead of staring into space with the pressure of tears building up behind his eyes, he should do something.
it was irrational, the way he didnt immediately call geto or even kento. no. weirdly enough, the only person satoru wanted to see at this moment, in such a vulnerable state, was you.
your phone had stayed face down on the surface of your desk for hours now. you have been studying so hard you haven’t noticed the way the hours slipped away.
in fact, the phone call is the only other sound you have heard since picking up your pencil.
you turned it over in mild surprise. satoru hasnt called you in a while and instead he usually texted anyway.
without thinking much of it and getting ready to reject his invitation to come over, you picked up the call.
“hey, satoru.” you leaned back in your chair, relaxing your slightly strained back.
“y/n, hi. i was wondering if i could come over?”
“sorry, cant tonight. kinda busy.”
“no-no not for that. i just need someone to talk to. or not talk, just… need someone around.” you noticed the usual cockiness gone from his tone, the tightness of his throat, like the words were hard to get out. “please?”
you straightened back up again. a sudden, confusing worry kicked in your gut, spreading like the plague over your blood cells. “oh, yeah. sure, never mind, you can come.”
a soft thank you followed on his end before he hung up and you were left sitting there, reeling.
by the time satoru finally arrived to your door, the sun began to dip a bit, painting the sky in a thick orange and warm pink.
as you were pulling the door open, satoru was already walking in, not waiting for you to even create enough space for him.
his arms were around your waist without sparing a second. you felt the tip of his chilled nose press into your neck.
he took in greedy, deep breaths until it suddenly hitched as you wrapped your arms around him, fingers sliding up his neck and into the silky strands of his windswept hair.
the two stayed like that for a moment longer.
satoru grounding himself against your soft body and the calming scent that somehow always clung to your skin.
and you, feeling the weight not of only his body, but strange grief and emotion.
it does not matter how many times gojo realizes it, every time it hits him like a train straight into his chest. he didnt want geto, his best friend, in that moment. he didnt want kento, the technical one to help him. he only wanted you.
in the purest form. just to feel you surround him and calm him down.
it did not matter how many bodies satoru drowned himself in, you were the only one ever able to captivate him. elevate him and ground him at the same time.
his fingers tightened around you, pressing you closer like he couldnt handle an inch of space to be established between your bodies. like he needed it to live.
somehow, in between his explanation and poorly hidden tears, and your hums, advice, and some comforting words, you ended up on your bed.
the room was only painted by the lights from the street lamps and the slowly rising moon.
studying long forgotten, satorus half asleep body was slumped against your side.
you didnt think you could go to sleep at all tonight, not with your heart racing so fast.
you weren’t even sure from what? maybe it was from the realization that he sought you out, that he though you were important and trusted you enough to confine in you.
whatever it was, you tried to distract yourself by gently raking your fingers through his hair, down his strong arms, or down his back.
every brush of your fingers made him cling harder, move closer. chasing your warmth that was not going anywhere.
you were sure satoru was fast asleep, his breath has evened out long ago and he hasnt said a word. he has simply been clutching to your side with his face hidden half in your pillow and half in your neck. striking white strands sprawled out over your pillow.
the sight was so beautiful you did not realize you were staring until he muttered so softly, you barely missed it.
“thank you, i needed this… you. needed you.”
but gojos eyes didnt open, didnt pierce you with their usual intensity. its almost as if he spoke without even realizing that he did so.
your only acknowledgment of his vulnerable admission was a hum. the night was spent with his warm body curled around yours in a way that allowed you to keep your arms around him and hold him all night long.
when you woke up with satoru still asleep, arms and legs tangled with yours. you couldnt stop staring.
his face was so relaxed, a slight flush from the warmth of your room dusted his cheekbones. in this state, when he wasnt trying to joke around to make every person in the room laugh, constantly high on energy, always trying to be the life of the party, his beauty really shined through.
you tried not to stare while you got ready, but even as you were walking to your lecture, the memory of him all soft and real in your bed, surrounded by cloudy comforters and the early morning sun, made your heart race, face burn, and legs walk faster.
it wasnt normal that satoru woke up with only remnants of you around him. your blankets. your scent. your walls surrounding him. but you were nowhere to be found.
a rational part of him knew you couldnt stay and baby him forever. if you left, you must have had a good reason.
pushing himself out of your bed, satoru began gathering his things which weren’t much, just his phone you took the liberty of plugging in last night to charge and his hoodie, folded and placed carefully over your desk.
how could he not be in… whatever feeling he is feeling towards you when you do things like that?
back at the frat house, gojo couldnt even face his friends. which was rare, he wasnt usually the one ashamed of anything, even when it got a bit annoying.
satoru was pacing his room, phone clutched in hand and your contact open.
he’s been retyping the same message over and over again.
it was humiliating how undone he felt, even more so after you did nothing but share a bed.
“fucking hell…” he muttered, fingers gripping his white hair. all he wanted to do was crawl back into your bed, close his eyes and drown in you and it was killing him.
“what have you done to me?” satoru whined, plopping down on his bed and finally gathering himself enough to send you a message.
it was long until you read satoru’s message. you avoided looking at your phone or going home for hours, in hopes he would be gone.
you didnt want to face him yet. you knew he was going through a hard time but you also knew your own feelings were not figured out at all.
did you miss your friend or did you actually want something more?
it was messing with your brain, making all the wrong neurons fire off that resulted in crazy scenarios and the desire to escape and hide.
when you finally did respond, agreeing to meet him outside of the west wing library — a quiet spot as it was one of the older libraries — gojo felt as if his heart was going to collapse. along with his lungs.
he had no script, he never did. he never thought out what to say, he just went with whatever came to mind. because he is satoru gojo, of course. everything he does is perfect.
he paced around the empty benches lining the sidewalk towards the library, the sun long gone, only the moon as his companion.
his hands were shaking and he felt unsteady, but then again, another part of him registered it as excitement.
he was finally gathering the courage to tell you that he felt something, even if he didnt want to name it yet.
he was finally opening up to being someones more. he was finally being emotionally vulnerable, wanting someone enough to break his entire character.
satorus excitement was cut into small, sharp, piercing pieces that seem to lodge themselves in his throat and lungs as you told him no.
your response so simple to what he thought was his greatest confession. just no.
you brought up the promise, everything he told you and made you believe, and how he had no right to break that now.
“satoru,” you sighed, perched on the bench as he paced before you.
“you’ve seen me. you know im not so bad. please, just one chance at being something more. one chance to prove to you that i am in… that i feel something towards you other than blatant sexual attraction.”
knowing gojo, it was hard for him to admit even this half bakes perception of his own feelings towards someone. but your bar was high and system strict. even for boys who looks oh-so-pretty and ready to cry for you.
but you had enough self respect to fight back. men will cry, so what? doesnt make them any more special or any less damaging.
“if you cant even say what you feel towards me, satoru,” you got up, making gojo freeze between his long strides, “then you definitely arent ready.”
he watched as your form retreated. you didnt glance back at him. not once.
gojo was left to stand there utterly alone. surrounded by the quiet trees and paths that led into the darkness of the campus.
his limbs hung uncomfortably at his sides, like they were too long, too stiff now. like he did not belong in the body this large, not when he felt so small.
you were not in his line of vision any longer, and he still couldn’t move.
it is almost as if every bad decision came crashing down at him at once. why would anyone confess without knowing what they felt? as if you were not worth figuring his heart for?
he was a complete idiot who now ruined even the chance to express properly the beautiful array of emotions and feelings you make him feel.
even if you did not reciprocate his fast beating heart, sweaty palms, and constant thoughts of you.
now you simply will never know. because he knows you wont let him have another chance at fooling you, or at least that is what you thought he was trying to do.
but then satoru realized that you never knowing how deeply you have affected him was a disappointing thought — him losing the one person he craved to be understood by and understand, to be held by during a hard time, to want to please and fill every moment of their life with amusement and love, was a terrifying thought.
the knocks that came at your door came with such rapidness that it genuinely should not have been able to withstand it.
satoru wanted to give you time, he wanted to wait, he wanted to give you the space he knew you deserved. but he couldnt.
not when his lungs restricted the passing of any air when you weren’t around, when his sharp eyes suddenly became unfocused because their favorite subject wasnt before them.
you knew exactly who it was. you recognized the familiar rap of his knuckles against the dark wood of your door. even that fact seemed to add onto the whirlwind of emotions happening in your stomach.
“satoru, leave.” you muttered through the door, “i dont want to deal with this right now.”
“i know, i know.” he pressed himself against your door once he heard your voice from the other side.
you would think he was trying to fuse through it or feel the waves of your voice with how hard he was pressing against it.
“you dont want to deal with me right now. but i need you to hear me out. please.”
“i think you made your point clear. or your very unclear and vague point as clearly as you could.” but your hands were hovering above the lock, ready to turn it if he just said the right words.
“im sorry, please.” gojos voice was nothing more than a pathetic whine. “you deserve a full explanation, i- you dont have to change your mind. i just want you to know. need you to know.”
the sound of metal sliding against metal as you pulled the door inwards sounded through the empty hallway.
the door was already heavy but now was accompanied by satoru’s weight which made you stumble back a couple of steps.
satoru caught himself against the wall of your hallway, chest heaving and his pure white hair messy either from running all the way to you or from running his hands through it since you knew he tended to do that when nervous.
gojos wide and nervous eyes found yours in less than a second. the two of you stayed silent for a long moment in the yellow light of your hallway.
“shit, you actually opened the door.” he muttered, his entire universe zeroing in on you. he straightened up to take an unsure step towards you.
“yeah. so dont make me regret it.” you stood your ground. this was torture, your stomach twisted uncomfortably at the pained expression on his face.
gojo could feel himself crumbling down under the sheer weight of your stare. “just please listen,” ever syllable came out like it was difficult for him, like he was holding back from every word tumbling out.
you forced away the desire to push him away. it was a familiar trend for you, get attached and then push away. but something kept you from speaking, kept you from locking yourself away again.
“i dont know what happened or-or when it happened. all i know is that it was only you i wanted to be around.” gojos hands stretched out towards you but he was quick to curl his fingers into a fist, not allowing himself to touch you.
“it was only you i wanted to understand, only you i wanted to please. fuck- y/n, you broke me for anyone els.” satoru laughed but it was humorless, more self-deprecating. “i cant even imagine wanting another girl, my body outright rejects them. thats how much you affected me, you might as well be in my blood stream.”
satoru took another step forward, his long stride allowed him to stop right in front of you.
he titled his head to the side to look better down at you. “and when things went to shit, you let me sleep in your bed like i was something worth caring for.” his fingers trailed down the ends of your hair near your face, the warmth of his hand hovering by your skin.
“you are the one i wanted to crawl to, like a pathetic boy i am. you’ve got me wrapped around your pretty little finger.” satoru suddenly lowered himself to his knees, bringing your finger to his mouth and brushing his lips against it.
“i can never lose you, please. please lets do whatever you want,” he pressed your palm to his face. “you want to stay friends? okay. okay i will stay quiet, so quiet for you.” he whispered. “you want to keep our arrangement? okay, i will let it be. i will let you be and love you quietly if i have to.”
you couldnt hide your surprise at his actions. at his words. “you… what?”
he said it as if it was the only thing he knew to be true in his entire world.
after making sure you weren’t dreaming it, you asked him to get up. as scary as it was, you had to confront your own feelings.
it was simply unfair to let him believe he was the only one affected.
the night was spent wrapped in blankets on the couch in warm candlelight as the two of you laid your emotions out raw.
it was unusual and uncomfortable, especially for you, someone who was so used to shutting that part off and walking away from the mess, but by the early morning light, you were asleep in his arms, his face buried in your hair.
