#gendered spaces

[transmascpolls]

Transmascs: do you feel comfortable in women’s spaces?

Yes, I always do!

Sometimes, if the people in the space are clear that I’m personally welcome

Sometimes, if the space is clearly open to nonbinary people in general

Sometimes, if those in the space are clear that all trans people are welcome

Sometimes, based on other factors / circumstances

No, I’m not, but I’ll still use those spaces if I really need them

No, I’m not, and I won’t use those spaces even if I really need them

Other answer / unsure / it’s complicated

See results / not transmasculine

Voting ended onDec 27, 2025

[assortedinsanities]

You say you want to change some system, but you can't explain to me how you would solve every single issue that would arise from it.

I can not tell you how we solve any of the current issues that will remain if the system is unchanged, but for some reason I don't need to. The fact that your idea does not result in utopia for everyone by tomorrow is enough reason that nothing should ever change 👍

[somethingmissingthiswaycomes]

Take two now that I'm no longer in Tumblr jail:

I'd like to see if we can get this to the target audience, because... this just won't leave my mind. Please be civil.

To those who make use of and/or strongly support* gendered spaces, would a multigender** person who is fully both man and woman be included in all of them or excluded from all of them?

Included in all

Excluded from all

It depends (please explain! I won't bite)

I'm transphobic

I'm not the target audience

Voting ended onJun 29, 2023

*I'm not anti-gendered spaces btw. I'm just multigendered and can't imagine if I'd be comfortable in any type of gendered space or not.

**Bigender, genderfluid, etc. Any gender experience that includes man and woman whether it be at all times or at changing intervals. I'm not talking about nonbinary genders because in my mind that's a slightly different question. (I'd ask that too if we could have two polls in one post.)

[sapphireshorelines]

from LitHub article 'She Said She Would Write the Essay Herself: Reading Virginia Woolf in Middle Age' by Heather O'Neill

[pynkhues]

Hi I enjoyed so much your analysis on feminine/masculine spaces. Now I start to see why I enjoy Beth’s scenes at Rio’s bar even more😄 I thought about her stealing car from boland motors and smashing things dean’s office; but this time she got R’s attention by throwing that ball and smashed the art a little. I see this is not satisfying but also significant for her. I love this. Do you? 🤎😄

Hi! Thank you so much, anon, I’m so glad you enjoyed it! 

Her smashing the artwork with the pool ball was definitely an extension of that, and a continuation of a trend in terms of how the show portrays physical destruction as inherently gendered when it comes to Beth and Rio. 

It was Beth picking up a masculine-coded object to be destructive in a masculine-coded space, just like Rio’s destruction of Marion’s figurines in Beth’s house way back in 1.02 was the destruction of a feminine-coded object in a feminine-coded, and Rio’s destruction of the female-coded items in Beth’s most intimate, female space (her vase, her delicate, highly feminine mirror) in her fantasy in 2.05. 

Like I said in that gendered spaces essay, the show is almost always placing Beth’s femininity in direct contrast with Rio’s masculinity, and demonstrating how much they compliment each other, even when they’re combative (I mean, Beth literally got off on Rio smashing up her things, just like Beth smashing his things in 3.10 got Rio’s attention again). Even when they’re combative, the thematic throughline is that they like the other in their space, as much as they like to be in the others’. 

Interestingly, all of this functions pretty excellently as a parallel to Rio smashing the corvette at Boland Motors in 2.04 too. Boland Motors was Dean’s space and the corvette throughout season 2 was symbolically tied to Dean’s sense of masculinity. Rio smashing it up was a clear visual symbol of his emasculation of Dean after having narratively emasculated him by boning his wife right under his nose. It’s only further underscored by the fact that that arc is immediately followed by Beth’s takeover and pointed feminisation of Boland Motors in 2.05.

In 3.10, Beth is, in many ways, inviting Rio to do exactly that again. She’s bringing Rio into the fold of her husband’s new business right under said husband’s nose (in terms of narrative purpose, it’s basically a non-sexual bathroom break) and the show framing it in a way that had Beth and Rio making that deal in a hyper-masculinised space (and Beth purposefully destroying that space) with Dean sitting in his wife’s empty house playing with children’s toys is not only emasculating, but infantalising.

I’m so curious to see where it goes from here!

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hi! I messaged a few weeks back, but I'm not sure if tumblr ate it. Please ignore it you're just busy! I got invited to join a women's ministry at my church which makes me feel like I'm (as a genderqueer person) invading a space not meant for me? I want to do more in my church, but I'm afraid of finding out they're non-affirming and losing my church home, too? Any advice on navigating that? Thank you so much for being here!

Hey there! That doesn’t sound familiar, so I’m guessing tumblr ate it :O

My instinct is to say that you would not be invading the space, especially if they read you as a woman and you aren’t out yet. It would be different if you were a man (trans man or cis man), but you aren’t. But I’m honestly not sure – if someone else has thoughts on this, please share!!

To me, the concept of “women’s ministry” and “men’s ministry” feels so binary and mostly unnecessary; a gendered ministry that has no room for nonbinary, genderqueer, gender nonconforming etc. people is not part of God’s vision of community. So to me the fault is theirs if your presence would be “invasive” – but again, I welcome other people’s opinions. 

As to potentially finding out they’re non-affirming – if that happens, my heart goes out to you. That kind of fear is such a painful one. You deserve faith community that welcomes and celebrates you fully, and invites you to participate as your full self. 

If you do want to figure out whether your church is some shade of affirming, here’s a post with tips on figuring that out. If it does turn out their intent is to be LGBT-inclusive, you might be able to gently push them about their gendered spaces. But whether you want to do that right now is totally up to you. 

Please let me know if you have more questions, especially if anything unfolds!

[skittythegreat]

So something happened today it’s been lowkey weirding me out all day.

I was at Torrid in the mall today trying on dresses.  When I went into the dressing room area, there was a man at the exit waiting on his daughter.  He didn’t look overly happy to be there, but that’s to be expected.  I went in with my three items.  The only other person in the dressing room area besides the attendant was the girl that man was waiting for.  I tried on my first dress and stepped out of the dressing room to use the three way mirror and ask my mother’s opinion.

That man had come into the dressing room and was sitting on the ottoman in the middle of the room.

Now, I’m an adult, it weirded me out.  I can’t even imagine what a teenage girl, particularly one who might have been a bit self conscious, being that it is a plus sized store, would feel with that man in there.  When I tried on my second dress and couldn’t reach to zip it up myself, I just didn’t get the dress.  Because I couldn’t go out into the main area to get help from my mother to zip it up.

But I mean sure.  It’s Trans people who are the real problem in gendered areas.  Obviously.  It’s not creepy older men who’d be willing to sacrifice a woman’s comfort in her own space just so they can sit down.  Clearly.