Fuck everyone who glorifies and uwu-fies autism. I hate being autistic so much.
I hate the sensory meltdowns, I hate not being able to go to new places because disrupting my routine is so fuckin distressing, I hate how it makes people treat me, I hate the episodes of being unable to communicate, I hate how exhausting it is for me, I hate how inconvenient ot is for my loved ones, I hate having to prove i am disabled just because I can mask most of the day, I hate not being like my peers even when they are peers in a minority like being also queer, I hate my mom not believing me because my autism is different than my brother's despite diagnosis, and I hate constantly struggling to get through my day. I can't even eat in peace because if I chew my food a little too much I can't eat the rest of the day without throwing up and clawing at my skin.
I loathe having to learn coping skills just to function in a society that wants me dead. Hell, I want me dead. I will never be able to properly be a part of society because this shit is crippling.
I hate my loved ones for even dealing with me and not letting me die. I am so sick of being disabled. My body is already giving out on me on top of this too. I hate how weak and useless this makes me.