SELFIE-ISH
I will just get into it without some lengthy excuse for why I haven’t blogged in a long time. I don’t think you would care much for that anyway. Besides, it is not a very interesting story. In fact, there is no story at all, just lots and lots of laxity, couch surfing, television binging and somewhere in the middle of this doing a radio show that in my head is the most kick ass show in the world, with a real big wig, on a station I had dreamed of working at since I was about 10 years old. Speaking of, where are these coke chaps, there is a real #IAmAReason story right here, yes? Now that I have caught you up on my life since the last time I blogged, shall we?
One of these fine evenings, I got caught up in an internet black hole. I was looking for furniture ideas for my flat and somehow ended up for hours on end watching cats playing piano, cats playing more piano, and cats playing some more piano. You know how it goes. Somewhere in the middle of my shame, realizing that I had spent about an hour watching videos of cats playing piano, I landed on, wait for it, another video of a cat playing piano. Yes, I know it’s sad, but don’t judge me, just because you vegetate differently from me. I promise however, that was the last cat video I watched, that day, because I chanced on a funny vine, where a guy, in order to break up fights with his girlfriend and have some momentary peace, just raised his phone to selfie position, and just like most of you, everything would stop, so all energy could be focused on the perfect duck face, if there is even such a thing.
This got me thinking, how selfie’s are just like money. Not in the sense that they will buy you anything but in the sense that they have found a way of amplifying our bad habits and insecurities and also that they might be the root of all evil, but I will have to get back to you on that last part.
Because of selfie’s we now know that the fellowship mama is not as humble as she lets on because let’s face it, the underlying tone in selfie’s is having or showing an excessively high opinion of one's appearance, abilities, or worth, which is the true definition of vanity. Yes, it really is. I googled it, and then copied and pasted. Selfie’s literally looked humility in face, peeking deep into the eyes of her sole and said,
“Do me favor maen! Do me a favor please. Gerrarahere… Gerrarahere maen!!!”
Selfie’s have also made lying an acceptable art form. Ladies, #Iwokeuplikethis, really? Your hair wasn’t in place, your boobs weren’t propped up by that push up bra, and you probably woke up with skid marks from drooling a little in the night. Ati, I woke up like this, gerrarahere maen!!! The problems with cultures like this, is the longer they go on, the more people start to believe them. Very soon, men will expect you to wake up looking like that, I know, unrealistic right? Well, that’s what they said about porn, but lots of house wives expected to be the porn stars now and how many men are expected to be a certain size. How did we get here I wonder? Not unrealistic any more is it.
Now that we are talking about sex, I might as well talk about the need to please. Because of the need for someone to double tap, like or RT and the inevitable loss in self-worth that comes with their absence of that manner of approval, people have gone in search for the perfect selfie. The perfect light to shade ratio, perfect smile, no random photo bomber in the background and without knowing it, because of the need of approval, 3 to 5 minutes are spent snapping away just to find the perfect shot, not factoring in the time it took to touch up your lips and eyebrows just for that. 3 to 5 minutes that could honestly have invested in you, but are spent looking for double taps and likes. I won’t even get into the constant checking to see how many nodes of approval you have gotten. How many minutes shall we get up to then? The need for this approval has gotten so bad that people have actually lost their lives looking for the perfect selfie, hanging off buildings and in moving trains all for social acceptability, and sadly not even the kind that counts. All this while wasting valuable tax payers money because legislators, like they have in some countries, have to spend time instituting laws on selfie’s.
For a species that is supposed to be at the top of the intellectual chain, selfie’s have turned us into a bunch of pubescent lumpens. They really are the epitome of the human race’s insatiable capacity to be idiots, and the duck face is the least of it. And that’s #howdaudiseesit, but first, let me take a selfie.