#gerry mcbride

[ramyeonupdates]

source: saltyoctopi

[solo1y]

My Week On Social Media 26 December 2016

Top image: Bathos.

Middle image: I used to do a bit of stand-up comedy. My commiserations to anyone who was forced to endure it.

Bottom image: Not all heroes wear capes.

[solo1y]

My Week On Social Media 25 March 2016

Top image: The sensible Americans are losing their sense of humour about a Trump presidency. The moronic Americans can’t tell when a sentence only makes sense if you live outside America.

Middle image: It’s important to be detail-oriented when you’re betraying the creator of the universe.

Bottom image: And in an important step forward for trans rights, the little girl in Hansen is apparently now a man.

[solo1y]

A Series of Tweets About Muslims

This is from the Twitter feed of Gerry McBride, one of the contributors to the wonderful Waterford Whispers News, the Irish version of The Onion. I've assembled it from his tweets and added conventional paragraph breaks, but it's otherwise unedited.

It was in the queue for a Turkey leg that I met my man, a guy of around 65 in a mobility scooter. Please note; he may not have needed said mobility scooter. American is full of people who don't need mobility scooters. IN fact, nobody needs a mobility scooter. Can you walk? THEN WALK YOU FAT LAZY FUCK.

So anyways, I overheard this old guy talking to his friend in the queue, I forget what exactly but he basically about Cromwell in Ireland. I chimed in with a quip(as I am known to do with total fucking strangers) about how I was from Ireland and yes, we did indeed hate Cromwell. I was all like FUCK CROMWELL AMIRITE? He said, what brings you to America? i said, I'm on Honeymoon. He said, That's nice. Do you have any Muslims in Ireland?

That was his THIRD QUESTION. 1) Where are you from 2) Why are you here 3) What is your Muslim situation back home. I was kinda caught off guard, so I just said ah yeah, you know, a few Muslims alright. I was kinda tempted to say, shit look at the time, drop to my knees and ask him which was was east. He next says, in a real drawl as I'm sure you can imagine, Yeaaahhhh... you gotta watch out for them Muslims, boy. If you see them Muslims comin', you'd better have a welcoming party for 'em, if you know what I mean. I was like fair enough lad, eh, keep it in mind. I had my turkey leg at that stageso I tipped on. He gave me the wink and the gun as I left.

Now, there was a guy who probably had never seen a Muslim in his life, nor have time to separate them into "Good Muslims" or "Bad Muslims". He had no word about "radical fundamentalists" or "jihadis" or anything. Muslims= Bad in his book.

So I guess what I'm saying is, don't be that guy. If you're Irish, you're probably never going to meet a Muslim that isn't 100% sound. Like the Muslims that live across from us; so sound. If we're not home they sign for packages for us and drop them round that night. I mean, I think they're Muslims. The lady of the house wears a scarf. So Muslim, right?

MCBRIDE OUT

[panicdots]

Lavery's Comedy Club 26th Feb #NIcomedy

Lavery’s Comedy Club 26th Feb #NIcomedy

Lavery’s Comedy Club is back on 26th February. This month’s Headliner is Monaghan’s finest, Gerry McBride. Gerry is a regular in all the comedy clubs throughout Ireland and he’s the TedFest Golden Toilet Duck winner of 2010.

Supporting is the Hilarious Adam Laughlin. And as always, your resident MC will be Colin Geddis. Doors are at 8.30pm, Adm. £6 or £5 with a student card. Come along and support…

View On WordPress