update: i have done it. witness the all consuming power of the nintendo 3DSwiitchU
(buttons have been simplified for this mockup but imo they should be similar to the current switch setup but with a built-in turbo button)
the 3DSwiitchU provides a unique combination of features previously used by nintendo and enjoyed by fans. the dual screens allow for more interesting and dynamic gameplay, and even in games not optimized for it it can be used just to tidy up crowded user interfaces. the stylus is self explanatory, they were dumb for getting rid of it. i could maybe see them integrating it into the joycon somehow as well, but. idk, i like the idea of it being its own thing. doesnt even need to be fancy like phone styluses, literally just do the 3ds one again. outer screen is admittedly not entirely necessary but it seemed cool a la the foldy smartphones. removable joycons allow for motion controls. foldable screen removes the need for a shitty flimsy kickstand. 3d tech mandatory, that shit fucked hard. camera for the mario facecams or whatever. dualsense on the bottom of the pad so you can gently tickle its balls whenever you want. tearaway available. if we're running low on physical space in there we can ditch rumble controls, or at least significantly scale them back. and give back mii plaza. and streetpass.
thank you for coming to my ted talk. to support my cause please email mr nintendo a picture of you crying and begging and pleading. goodbye