#glimmersofhope

[dossierfordrinkingalone]

Nothing like it. #drinkingalone #doodle #glimmersofhope #embracingthedark #bookshelf #readingismagic #yaybooks #essential https://www.instagram.com/p/BzrJxNRH6Rx/?igshid=1jrd05yidr3hr

[shaunjudahyo]

Heading into work...feeling better than I have as of late! #Grateful #KeepSmiling #GoBeGreat #AlwaysInspire #ShaunJudah #GlimmersOfHope

[memoirsofachurchpunk]

Glimmers of Hope

This week, has been a slow and heavy week.  For some reason, it’s drained me!  I’ve slept through my alarm twice this week.  TWICE!  And I’ve felt the exhaustion settling in like a concrete slab.  But, even through the toughness of this week, I’ve seen these tiny (or massive) glimmers of hope that honestly have made me smile and given my soul a little (or massive!) pick-me-up.

On Monday, I had my bi-weekly therapy session with my wonderful therapist, Jennifer.  As I walked in, she greeted me warmly as usual.  We both sat down at our usual comfy chairs and she asked me my favorite question: “How are you doing?”  It wasn’t “How are you?”  That just doesn’t do it for me.  No one really expects you to unload any real feelings when you’re asked “How are you?”  But, just by adding one more word--one more action word--it hits you straight at the center of your core.  At least it does to me.  So, when she asked me that simple 4-word question, I took a deep breath and began telling her all about the two weeks that had gone by since our last meeting. As I shared how I had actively set boundaries with people and said “No” to things so that I can say “Yes” to what matters, I could see it in her face.  She was proud of me!  As I shared my experiences of standing up for myself and being brave, she asked me “Did you hear my voice in your head when you did that? Or did you hear your own voice?”  I thought about that for a few seconds and I answered honestly.  I said “I heard my own voice!”  She smiled and laughed and clapped for me!  I laughed too! She explained how at the beginning, she was the healthy voice in my life, helping me break bad habits and thinking patterns.  And the point of meeting with her for all of these months was to finally find my voice.  And I have!  I really and truly have. I used to pray to God to help me go back to my “old self”.  But, I realize that my old self got me in trouble. I’m perfectly happy and content with my new self. I’ve worked so hard to get to this place. Nothing in my life has been this challenging.  And I’m beyond proud of who I am now. In this moment.

Last night, I went to Costco to buy food for our campus Vespers. Every Friday night, we feed students and have games.  Then, they have their Friday night service.  They sing and discuss and laugh and eat.  It’s beautiful.  I love it!  So, back to Costco.  I completely forgot what I was wearing.  As I turned the corner, an older gentleman looked at me and said “Beautiful shirt”.  I looked down and realized I was wearing my #orlandounited shirt with a HUGE rainbow heart on the front. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said “Thank you.” I walked away choking back tears and feeling a flood emotions coming in. I thought of what Orlando had been through in the last 2 weeks.  I thought of the hurting families.  I thought of our friend, Alejandro, the owner of the tortilleria my family frequents on a regular basis.  He lost his son a The Pulse nightclub.  I thought about how jovial he used to be and how the light is gone from his eyes now that his son is gone.  I thought of the older gentleman and how sensitive and compassionate he is. I never would’ve expected that from him. But, that’s how amazing compassion is.  That’s what suffering does. It binds us together. 

This morning, my wonderful friend and confidant, Randy, dropped by my office.  In the middle of our conversation, he looked at me and said “You look GREAT! I haven’t see you look this good in a long time...maybe ever!”  I was taken back.  And honestly, I think he’s right.  I think I’ve never felt this good. My life is not perfect. It’s far from it.  I’m not completely put together. But, man, I’m a warrior! And I’m proud of every single scar, of every single tear.  I’m proud of my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I’m proud of my strengths and truths. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud that after 2 years of suffering and pain and loss, I’m seeing myself through different eyes.  And I’m thankful for friends like Randy, that always looked at me through the eyes of compassion and love and tenderness, never wanting to rush me. He was kind and patient and was always on my side!

Hope is palpable, people!  It’s real.  It’s the realest thing I know. Love may fade. Respect may be denied. Faith may be lost. But, hope? Hope is the strongest word I know. Hope comes in words from random strangers. It comes in encouragement from a therapist. It comes in hugs from friends. It comes in so many forms. I’m overwhelmed by what hope does every single second of our lives. Maybe hope is love we have for ourselves? Regardless of where it comes from or what it is, hope has the power to carry you through the hardest day--the longest night. Of that I’m 100% sure!

[spiritwithinus8]

Messages & Miracles~ ACIM~ Lesson 69

A true miracle I have seen.  I have been living alongside someone who has been experiencing depression for the last year and a half. I could never have imagined that the strongest person that I know could find that dark place. I could also never have imagined how dark that place is.

People often say that they are depressed. I have learned that there is a difference from feeling down or blue for a…

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[foryourlungs0nly]

So also now I'm going to be really sappy and say that Kristen's sister in laws mom is amazing and gives me hope. I have been off and on and off and on about college even before the move thing.......and everyone here is from Long Island originally ...Kristen's bro, his wife, her mom....and I bonded with her mom and her mom says she will kick my ass if I don't go to college and took my number as I'm wrapping and setting up for her daughters baby shower and ahhh..... I love the crowleys. Real. People that give me hope I love it, thank you. And that guy that's awesome and not in the Crowley family and you know who you are dillweed.....you too. Mad love and thanks.