Not even bothering to knock, you barged into your Captain's office.
"Sir, I need to know why you asked specifically for me and why Ghost acts almost like a wolf half the time."
And then you stopped dead in your tracks. Price wasn't alone. And now everything made a little more sense, except it didn't.
"Uncle Nik? What are you doing here?"
"Ah, hello Pup, I was just telling John that you might have the feeling he is keeping secrets." Nikolai grinned like he just won a bet. Probably true. Still you were irritated, you really hated not knowing what was going on.
"Aaah, don't be like that, pup. Greet me properly, yes? And then we run. I explain."
You didn't even hesitate, shoving your whole body against Nik, taking on the familiar scent of family, pack, connection. Relishing in the response of another wolf, something you didn't know you missed that much. Being seen the way you saw him, fully. Although you appreciated that Uncle Nik didn't comment on the lingering traces of Soap and Ghost. Just as you didn't comment on the clear scent of Price on the other man.
You didn't talk further, not needing words as you shifted again and Nikolai followed quickly. His Wolf form was bigger than yours, more scars, fur more coarse and thick, built for russian winters. You couldn't hold back and playfully tackled the other wolf, huffing in joy to have a true packmate with you. Nik just gently nipped your shoulder, pushing you outside and immediately started running towards the woods. It didn't take long for you to fall into sync, the joy of running taking over everything else.
Until Nikolai stopped and changed. "Enough for now, we talk. John is very protective of his pack, but you need to know more. It is not my story to tell fully, but you know, they are pack, yes? Real pack, like wolves. Mates even."
"It's obvious. But there is something off and I don't know what. Ghost mostly. He smells... less human... but bitter, lacking. Like a blind spot. I don't know what it is. But also familiar, compatible. It is confusing, contradictory."
"Clever pup, I told John you would find out. I cannot tell everything, is very personal. You will get answers. I recommend you for the team because John was looking for balance. Someone who fits with all of them, can navigate humans but also can see behind the words. Your nose will tell you what they mean, not just what they say. I didn't tell you, because you needed to get a picture of them first."
You huffed in frustration, but nodded. Human rules again.
"You need to know, I trust John."
"Is he the reason why you never bonded? And always smell like the cigars he smokes?"
"Clever pup. I told him you would find out quickly. Da, he is my mate. Never found another one like him. He knows. It is rare to find a human that fits, but happens. We... find ways."
You never noticed before, but now you understand that there always was longing in Niks scent. You assumed he just missed home, but apparently it was more.
Something to think about later maybe.
"You know they form a pack. I don't know why, they just do. Maybe because of the work, maybe luck, but they fit good. Strong connection, but different needs. Soap is very physical, yes? Gaz likes talking more. Simon, Ghost... Is different. He experienced something very bad and he is still hurting. John hopes you can help with that, because he can't lie to you. Can you trust me that it will all make sense?"
Usually you don't question your Elders, but this time it felt important, so you thougjt about it for a moment.
"ok. I try. I don't like not having all the information, but if it has to be like that... I trust the process."
You earned a playful hit to your shoulder for that and grin.
"We go back now, pup. I have time, show me your den and let me scent it."
You shifted again, wanting to get as much wolf interaction as possible. The run back was less urgent, more of a trot. Still the silent companionship of a packmate, the understanding that didn't need words, it soothed another need in you. You didn't even shift back on base, just slipped into your room, curling around each other in your nest. Having Nik close to you, mixed with everyone else, calmed you, another piece of the puzzle slipping into space. You felt so safe and familiar that you didn't even close the door and of course it was Soap who found you like that since he had been looking for you when you stormed off.
"Ah, here ye are, Fangs, Ah was lookin' fer ya." He stopped when he saw two wolves in the nest. "Oh... Sorry, ah... Is that.. Nikolai?"
The impression of curiositylonginginsecure made you look up and sigh. You wriggle a bit to make space, too tired to shift for words. When Soap hesitated, you gave out a small huff, looking at him.
"That's an invitation, get in or close the door."
You blinked and saw Price, dressed comfortably in a soft shirt and pants. Apparently he was not wasting an opportunity to spend time with Nikolai, and the way he slipped into the nest and pulled the other wolf into his arms settled something within you. Cuddle pile, yes.
"Be right back"
You were half asleep again when Soap returned, Gaz trailing behind. It took a moment to find the best positions; somehow Gaz ended up next to Price, and Soap had shoved himself right in the middle, half buried under you. Almost perfect with your snout against his neck and his fingers in your fur. It didn't take long for his heartbeat to calm down, maybe it helped that Price and Gaz were close. Just one thing was missing.
When you woke up it was dark, middle of the night, and it took you a moment to find the reason you were awake. Cold cigarette smoke and longing, coming from the massive silhouette of Ghost. Ghost, who just watched the pile of sleeping bodies, as if he didn't dare to come closer. The whine you let out was instinctual, a call for your packmate to join. You could feel the wantneed coming from the other man, why was he just sitting there? Your wolf brain was not having this and you carefully wriggled out of Soaps grasp and moved closer.
Ghost didn't move away when you crawled onto his lap, but he didn't help either, hesitating to touch you. Only when you rubbed your head against his neck did he close his arms around you, lightly, as if you could break. You didn't break, you melted. And shifted without thinking to fit the human anatomy better. His scent was washing over your senses, telling you that you belonged here, close to him. And his reaction was obviously similar, considering his arms pulled you closer now. Almost desperately grabbing your fur and hiding his face in it. It didn't make sense, everything about him screamed connection and home, his pheromones so delicious to you, and yet, it seemed as if he was almost afraid to let it happen. Whatever it was, you needed to help him, even if Nikolai hadn't told you.
So you stayed like this, a huge werewolf on his lap, claws playing with the soft hair on the base of his neck. Until you fell asleep once again, feeling your pack close and safe.
-------------------------------------
Damn, this one is poorly written, I really need to improve my English a bit.
Apparently they are a pack now, even when they don't realise it yet. Let me know your thoughts? Please?
You got used to the new environment quickly. Of course, most of the day was planned with training, briefings, check ups. The team got used to you as well, once they understood that they could get physical with you, they didn't hold back, especially Soap was casually hugging you a lot. And as much as you wanted to make it very clear you were still not a dog, it was easy to fall into patterns with him. Even more, when he asked you to shift around him, so he could get used to your wolf form. So you started a new habit, staying in wolf form after your last run of the day, finding Soap and letting him pet you until he relaxed. It worked a little too well, because at some point you started to drift off, head resting on his thigh with his fingers carding through your fur. All you could smell was contenthappyrelaxed and always a little hint of spice.
Today was one of these days, you were barely awake when you noticed that the soft skritches had stopped, but Soaps fingers still lingered, even grabbed a bit tighter. And a low moan. Hushed voices.
"Si, stop, 'm not alone... Fangs will know..."
You kept your eyes closed but you took in a deep breath, concealed as a sleepy sigh. Soap's growing arousal mixed with Ghost's want was intoxicating, delicious in a way that had you yearning for more... connection.
"Don't care... Look so fucking gorgeous together, both of you." Ghost's voice is low, rich with want, and you tried not to growl when you heard two people kissing and Soap dug his digits into the thick fur of your neck. Although you did move a bit further toward that delicious musk coming from Soap. If only they were wolves, this would have been an invitation. But human rules mean talking before action, so you held back and pretended to sleep.
But then Ghost decided to shove a hand between Johnny's thighs, and you just couldn't ignore that. Shifting just enough for speech, you raised your head.
"You know, just because I can smell you all on each other doesn't mean I'm okay with watching you fucking right in front of me."
Two sets of eyes suddenly focused on you, and you could taste wantexcitementspice in the air, mixed with an almost bitter note of longing that you associate with Ghost. It would be so easy to just give into your instincts. But you had promised to behave. So you basically ran from them, you needed clarity and had avoided that long enough.
Not even bothering to knock, you barged into your Captain's office.
"Sir, I need to know why you asked specifically for me and why Ghost acts almost like a wolf half the time."
And then you stopped dead in your tracks. Price wasn't alone. And now everything made a little more sense, except it didn't.
"Uncle Nik? What are you doing here?"
-------------------
My mental health is slowly getting better and I know this isn't much but I wanted to get it out, as usual. bit by bit this is story is coming together.
It had been a long night, full of uncomfortable silence and reluctant truths. But not one lie, and you deeply appreciated that. Ghost might have pushed away a lot of trauma, but he didn't try to negotiate with your expertise. He was here, because there was no other option and he knew it, so he was willing to do what was needed, even when he didn't like it.
"That's enough for tonight. I need to prepare and you should too. I don't know how far I will have to go. Or how far you will let me go. If this was just one simple curse, I could finish it now, but you have... history. The things that cling to you now have bonded with the ones that were already there. Hard to tell apart. Your trauma is a feast for them and you have carried them so long, it's almost symbiotic. The thing is, if I don't remove enough you will be swallowed eventually. And if I remove too much... you might not be you any more. Or at least not the You everybody knows. Would that even be an option for you? To start a new life, the life you never got to live?"
"Negative"
"Thought so. Alright, this is what I will do. I will look into your... mind. I will locate the curse and remove it. Layer for layer. It's not going to be comfortable for any of us. I will see more than you have told me, I will see things you chose not to remember, I will know more about you than anyone. And you will need to trust me that I won't betray you and spill your secrets."
There was a tense moment, until he nodded.
"If it helps, I am really good at keeping other people's secrets. Wouldn't be here if I didn't. And also if something should happen to me... There will be questions and it is a sure way to get you exposed. It would just have the opposite effect."
You looked at the man in front of you, observing the few facial features you could see. It was nice to talk to someone who understood that your words were not a threat but merely a statement. No need to sugar coat anything.
When he had left, you started preparing. Food and water, easy to grab, you filled your day with positive vibes, relaxing activities, resisted the temptation to fantasize about your client and how he could show his gratitude.
Maybe if he didn't hate you afterwards.
You had told Ghost to do the same. To spend time with people who anchored him in this world, to find things that gave him a sense of safety. So you weren't surprised when he brought a combat knife to your house the next day. And... a picture of his team.
Sitting comfortably, facing each other, you took his hands and closed your eyes. Deep breath, shoving away how big his hands were and how nice they felt.
Finding a beginning was difficult. Ghost wasn't even actively trying to keep you out, it was just instinct at this point. But eventually, you got there and started to work. The thing was, once you had started, you couldn't stop. Any pause would open a chance for demons to slip in.
First layers were easy. Superficial curses that lacked power, more desperation than anything. The deeper you got, the older the curses. And the older the curses, the more they had changed. Mutated. Feeding on loss, betrayal, the violence of the missions. Triggers from childhood merging with a failed mission. It broke your heart to know all of this. To get glimpses of the child that had to deal with so much so early. Who had lost so much.
And then there were moments when you felt Ghost next to you. Not the physical person who sat in your living room. No, his presence, the Ghost that he was. A twisted creature of vengence and rage wrapped around loyalty and something protective. Doing the things others couldn't. The deeper you got, the stronger the presence, watching you, essence of a sniper, a predator, deciding if you were prey, threat or just a curiosity. It got harder to see the lines between curses and trauma and you began to wonder if your client wouldn't be better off with a therapist. And it was so tempting to also try and heal some of the darkness from his childhood.
When you reached for it the Ghost immediately stopped you.
"No. Not this."
And you froze. "So you can talk. What are you then? A demon, a ghost?"
"Neither. I am what keeps him going. I am the promise to never be weak again. To protect others from the evil of the world. To use the pain and the rage to burn away as much darkness as possible. To not become like them."
"I understand. I think I am done."
When you opened your eyes your positions had changed. Somehow Ghost was behind you, one hand still holding yours, but his arm wrapped around you, pressing you flush against his front. And the combat knife pressed slightly against your throat. Shit.
"It's done."
He blinked, as if he had been in a dream. But didn't move much, merely removing the knife. And you just couldn't ignore the heat seeping from his body into your tired bones. You were exhausted and he was like a perfect warm blanket.
"How do you feel?"
"Good. Better." He still didn't move, like he was still figuring out what was different now.
"Good. I'm falling asleep now. Please don't let me fall on the floor and close the door when you leave." His grunt was the last thing you heard
--
Simon didn't move for a while, just holding you and checking if he felt any different. It was like a weight had been lifted that he had gotten used to. He knew the feeling when a mission was too long and he struggled to adjust to everyday life again, but this was different.
He was not too disturbed that he couldn't remember why he had a knife on your throat. He trusted his instincts, or whatever it was. And you seemed to trust him as well, given you were currently fast asleep in his arms, almost curling into his chest. No clue what you had done, but it must have been exhausting, if you could sleep like that after walking through his mind. And it didn't bother him that much. If he'd met you in a bar, he'd have bought you a drink or something. So he decided to stay a little longer like this, getting familiar with his feelings. Because he has seen what happened when people didn't know their feelings and you didn't become part of an elite task force if you couldn't deal with your emotions, the nice and the ugly ones alike.
