#gold comedy

[pacific-pacifist]

— Monty Python and their sketch «Ministry of silly walks»

[naat-y]

Eliott’s brain: Ok you just said you were resorting DVD’s now lets find a good way of making it believable.

Eliott: ... 😁😁😁😁😁

[your-new-dealer]

So last night @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses texts me but I was asleep so I sent a terrible gif as an act of rage but it was so funny and I was incredibly tired and still tipsy so I started laughing but I was trying SOOO hard not to bc my bf was asleep, so I kinda just ended up shaking uncontrollably bc I was silently laughing. This wakes my bf up and he rolls over, "babe u ok? U crying" and I went to reply but I was still laughing so in response I just kinda "BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH" and he jumped a lil "what the fucks so funny" *more laughter* "this...this text...ahahaha.....this text I sent...eheheh.....oh man......ahahahahahah...i love it....pure rage ahahahahahah" and he just kind of sat there for a minute probably pretty confused. "So...you're laughing...at a text...you sent?" Like yes yup that's basically my life

[spiderman-naked-on-a-beach-blog]

LOL! HAHA! My followers, you want some hardcore GOLD comedy? Follow my boy over at @nflstreet. He makes me laugh so many times a day with his amazing humor! He’s an aspiring comedian, he definitely wouldn’t piss his pants in front of an audience after telling them a gem like this one! Oh oh oh, or maybe he would read a quote in a funny voice with some EPIC background music! HAH! That’s my man, @nflstreet!

[collinear]

hello kevin, it's me raymond holt

[brewed-e]

A Quiz

Originally I did this because I was really, really bored and wanted to have a laugh at the pointlessness of the internet, but then it turns out I'm actually quite funny.

HAVE YOU EVER: ➖Snuck out: yes ➖Broken a bone: yes ➖Cried myself to sleep: ...yes ➖Been arrested: ...yes ➖Felt lonely: ......yes ➖Been depressed: what is this quiz, jesus christ I'm on the sixth question and I'm already emotionally exhausted.

WHAT'S YOUR: ➖Birthday: the day i was born. ➖Biggest fear: This question, but in a setting where my life or career hinges on the answer ➖Dream job: Art Lead in a stable, financially secure game company.  Or, realistially, Art Lead in a game company that won't fire me the month before the product ships. ➖Dream car: self-driving.  Please don't make/let me get behind the wheel of a car ➖Dream house:  Trampoline room, hardwood floors, smaller, semi-urban, enough space to do some light gardening and landscaping.  Has wrestling mats for floors so I can suplex Jess whenever I want.

DO YOU: ➖Like someone: like, LIKE like?  Gross. ➖Love someone: Oh, you mean other than myself?  Yeah, she's pretty great. ➖Have tattoos: No...t yet. ➖Have piercings: Yes, and Future Delton has even more. ➖party: Yes.  No.  Yes.

FAVORITE: ➖Artist: Ernst Haeckle ➖Movie: Whisper of the Heart ➖Song: right now?  Tales of the Sands, Myrath ➖Netflix series: dont hate me, but I've never watch a netflix original series ➖Book: The Way of Kings, Brandon Sanderson. ➖Color: purple.  the dark kind that feels black except for when the sun hits it. ➖Animal: raccoon.  I will have one...  I WILL.

THIS OR THAT: ➖Twitter or Facebook: no ➖Twitter or Instagram: no ➖Facebook or Instagram: nO ➖Coke or Pepsi: Coke, except for like, that one time when you're staring at the drinks in the cooler and you're like "I think... I think I want a pepsi" which is your brain telling  you that you're probably going to go home and cry yourself to sleep.  It's that kind of day. ➖Coffee or tea: Is this a joke.  It's coffee.  It's always been coffee.  I even switched the order of the two options in this quiz because it's that important to me that you know that my answer is coffee. ➖Tacos or pizza: Tacos when I hate myself, Pizza when I hate everything else. ➖Winter or summer: Winter when it's summer, summer when it's winter

WOULD YOU EVER: ➖Get married: sure why not.  Maybe even to a foreigner. ➖Have kids: HA ➖Swim with sharks: fuck you ➖Eat rotten food: ...depends?  When is the last time I ate/how much money is on the table/how cute is the one who dared me to do it?  Are those quiz questions now?  Should I answer them? ➖Marry a foreigner: I mean, I wouldn't NOT marry a foreigner, if that's what you mean.  What kind of question is that?  Were you running out of ideas for this quiz?  Because that's the kind of question a desperate quiz maker asks.

blah blah tagged me blah blah tag ten people blah idgaf