#good inside

[soulmusicsongs]

Good Inside - Bobby Lyle (New Warrior, 1978)

[readsomesaysome]

It's not the feeling so much as it's the aloneness in a feeling that feels so bad.

[cartoonhangover]

We all having something good inside.

[more-berry]

Old ladies tell me my son is exceptional.

It's so kind of them. His grandmothers, our family friends gush on about how smart he is, how much he knows, how good his speech is, how capable, how handsome. It's lovely.

And yet, I don't know how to explain that I don't want to raise a child with this burden of exceptionalism. I want to preserve his freedom to be average, to mess up, to be strong some days and fall behind on others, without losing an identity in the process.

I want him to know that his worth and my love for him does not hinge on his intelligence, his abilities, even his kindness.

[bearhedge]

"Why are you going in there?" - Orna Guralnik

-----

The last episode of the second half of Season 4 of 'Couples Therapy' had Orna talking about the dynamics. This made me think of the dynamics that play out that causes ruptures and results in me feeling disconnected from Bear

I would say that me feeling unheard would be one of those things that would make me want to switch a call to writing. That if Bear and I were in the same space, I would want to find a way to be separate from her.

Maybe even if she and I are in the Lounge Area of an accommodation, I would want to just find a way to have separateness.

This is similar to the Unhealthy Dynamic we have with our parents'. There's that commonality of being dismissed. That there's no other narrative except for theirs.

------

Here is where that bit from 'Good Inside’ is likely going to help. That I can lead and be the model for Healthy Behaviour with my parents. Bear and I can take turns leading each other when one of our Inner Children needs attention.

PS: The quote was from Alison and Rod's session.

[more-berry]

Here's the mantra I started using with my son back when he was a little baby with bouts of inconsolable crying:

You are safe, you are loved, you are good.

Sometimes I expand on it:

You are safe even when you're not in my arms, you are loved even when you can't see me, you are good all the time, no matter what.

If he's not calming down after that, I can keep going:

You are good when you're asleep, and you're good when you're awake; you're good when you're sad and you're good when you're happy; you're good when you eat a lot and you're good when you don't eat; you're good when you're crying and you're good when you're playing; you're good when it's tough for you to go to sleep and act nicely; you're good all the time, no matter what.

[ddlc3177]

[ddlc3177]