It's been only a few days. And i still don't understand what happened with us. With you, The person i thought i knew, the person i fell in love with, is now a complete stranger to me. When someone shows you the love and attention you've been craving, the intimacy you desire, and the long talks you need just to get through the day, it makes it even more difficult to fathom the inevitable. Fathom the ending. The ending of what i thought was "my story". I was an emotional wreck that night. Embarrassingly emotional, really. But i don't know if i could have helped it even if i tried.
It was like that stupid scene in Titanic when she just couldn't let Jack go. haha And only you get my sense of humor. You know I was the funny one. And make sure you quote me when you use my jokes! Only you understood how hard it was to wake up everyday with this mess of anxiety I have. But because of you, it was easier to wake up, put on my face, put on my work clothes and face the world in front of me. You helped me embrace my confidence. And you showed me that someone can love me for me. And because of that, i know someone else will.
I haven't cried since that night. I may not have eaten since that night. But the pain of hunger out ways the pain of someone stepping out of your life. Only because i am weird like that and think of crazy ways to cope. But i know in a few days, a couple weeks, maybe even months down the road, I am going to find someone new. Someone who doesn't take the high road when things get tough. Who knows that I need a minute, an hour, sometimes a week to let things process before I can discuss an argument. Because they will know i want to think deeply about what i want to say so i don't, in return, make stupid comments back. Who will hold me at night and talk to me about our future. Our future that he wants with me because of the person i am.
I’m stronger now. And I know I have soo much love to give someone. I probably wont hear from you tomorrow, next week, or maybe even a few months from now. In fact, i probably wont hear from you until you've moved on and your going to send that one text just to make sure i'm not going to get mad when i see some other girl on your social media.
I am strong. I am successful. I love my job. I have a beautiful little home. and the most amazing daughter this world could have ever given me. And by the way, us girls, we are going to be great. we are going to do great things some day. You'll see.
I am 27 years old. I have the world ahead of me. We had a huge age gap, which of course comes with obstacles. Obstacles i cant even have imagine. You've been through more in your life than i can even think can happen in the years you've lived longer than me and without me. It comes with baggage. And it comes with huge differences. I get that. But it doesn't make it any easier. I wanted it to be you. Good God i wanted it to be you.
I know it was impossible to change the outcome of this.
I have realized that "forever" doesn't always mean forever.
I know that goodbyes are the hardest to say when your ready or not.
I know what real love is.
I know when someone is genuine.
But when "Forever" finally does happen, the person who says it wont leave me because of obstacles, nor will i leave them.
I know now that someone will come into my life and make those obstacles worth it. That makes every little argument worth it. Because in the end, up until the day we die, we will be holding each other and everything will be okay. You know why? because we fought through it. We fought to be with each other. We fought to make each moment count.
Thank you for truly loving me for me. I didn't have to be anyone else when I was with you, and you liked me just the way i was. That, or you put up with it...
But, in reality, because of this, it makes me believe that it is possible for someone to fall in love with me and i know it is capable of happening again. I want to thank you for walking out that door. I want to thank you for leaving me. I want to thank you for leaving and giving another man a chance with me. Someone who deserves a woman like me. And a man i deserve.
It's not fun to even fathom getting over you. But i will. And i know I will because I know I deserve better. And i know that now because of you. Thank you for making me so happy because I have realized I can be even happier.
You tried to do absolutely everything to make me happy. You sent me cute texts, you kept me busy when i had a lot on my mind I shouldn't have been dwelling over, you made sure i had everything i needed, you acted like a five year old in a candy shop with me, and you loved me. While all these things made me happy, it ended up only being temporary happiness. But I can now be constantly happy by surrounding myself with people and things that give me that happy. That give me the desire to want more. and to learn more. and to share more. I no longer have to rely on you the way i did this past year.
Thank you for being you. And showing me how a man is supposed to treat a woman. Thank you for ending it the way you did to make it easier to step away. and to start a new life without you.
I hope you find the perfect woman for you that you feel you deserve. For yourself. And for the rest of the obstacles you may endure. So you don't have to conquer them alone. Nor be alone.
