Just for the record since you’re going to see us Friday and you’re only 97% oblivious. Ashley types. Carlo knocked me up.
Jared blinks, wondering who the fuck Carlo is. He didn’t think they were in an open relationship, and even if they were —
pls stop saying I knocked you up it sounds bad Chaz replies just as Jared remembers that Carlo is Chaz’s, like, actual name. A perfectly nice name, so why the fuck would he willingly go by Chaz?
!!!!!!!!!!! Bryce interjects over ‘Ashley is typing’.
I am experiencing THE MIRACLE OF LIFE. Ashley amends. Because Carlo knocked me up. Surprise!
omg!!!!!!!!! do u no if its a boy or girl yet!!!!!!, Bryce sends, then, rapidfire, asks if they’ve thought about names, when the due date is, if Ash is showing yet — Jared suspects she is, and that is exactly why they’re being informed in advance of seeing her — and if they have a baby registry, presumably so he can buy them every single thing on it.
wait nvm im callin u ash pick up ur phone!!!!!, Jared reads, and snorts.
Jared knows better than to ask anything himself, since his questions are, in order, ‘is this baby on purpose?’ and ‘do you know how absurd Bryce is going to be about this why are you making my life more complicated?’ and ‘how’s this going to impact summer training?’ and ‘seriously why do you go by Chaz when you don’t have to?’. He’s not a good enough person not to think them, but he is a smart enough person not to let them enter the world.
But fuck, Bryce. He’s probably bouncing on the balls of his feet impatiently waiting for Ashley to answer her phone so he can blurt out all those questions again, beaming the whole time. He’s going to go research the best cribs, and strollers, and whatever the hell, and then buy them. He’s probably as giddy as a kid on Christmas right now: a baby and an opportunity to buy shit? Bryce is right in his element.
Raf and Grace have been quiet. Jared narrows his eyes. Raf’s understandable, because he’s not a big phone guy, and who knows if he’s at team shit, but Grace is practically surgically attached to her phone. If this was news to her, she would have responded by now. Which means it isn’t. And if it isn’t news to her it probably isn’t news to Raf.
You told Raf and Grace already? he writes.
I was in NY two weeks ago., Raf writes, entirely unapologetic. Two weeks that he knew and Grace knew and obviously Ashley and Chaz knew, and yet nobody told Bryce and Jared, lowly Western Conference-ers.
jared dont be a jared, Chaz says.
Jared doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean. Okay, he knows exactly what that’s supposed to mean but he’s going to be a Jared anyway. This is going to hurt Bryce’s feelings, and when Bryce’s feelings get hurt Jared wants to rip the world apart. Plus if Bryce reverts to sulkily calling Raf by his full name again because they told him first Jared swears to god —
This is blatant East Coast bias., Jared writes. I didn’t know that when you got traded you DEFECTED.
annnnd jared’s being a jared, Chaz writes, and Jared scoffs and puts his phone away. Raf and Chaz can have their secrets together, Jared doesn’t care.
*
Jared can’t believe they told Raf weeks before they told them.
“Babe,” Bryce says.
“It’s rude!” Jared says. “You’re not supposed to like, rank your friends.”
And if you do rank your friends, Jared and Bryce should be ranked first. That’s just common sense.
“Raf was in town for a game,” Bryce says. “And apparently noticed when Ash didn’t have wine with dinner, and apparently he has like, one of those faces you have to spill to.”
“Why do you even know that,” Jared says. Raf absolutely does have one of those faces, though. You just blurt out secrets to that face. It’s completely involuntary and incredibly humiliating.
“Ash said,” Bryce says. “Don’t take it personally, it was like, early, you never want to tell anyone about a pregnancy too early. Miscarriages happen most often in the first trimester.”
Bryce sounds suspiciously like Ashley making excuses.
“I’m not taking it personally,” Jared says.
Bryce glances up at him.
“I’m not,” Jared says. “I thought you'd take it personally.”
“I didn’t,” Bryce says. “I don’t.”
“Good,” Jared says. “That’s all that matters.”
“Mm,” Bryce says, then gives him an expectant look, and Jared resumes playing with his hair.
“Did Ash say whether the baby was on purpose, or—“ Jared says.
“Oh my god, Jared,” Bryce says with a laugh.
“What?” Jared says. “It’s a valid question! They’re like, young. Younger than you. That’s like. Young.”
“Don’t worry, neither of us can get pregnant by accident,” Bryce says. “Or like, at all.”
Jared snorts.
“Why’re you freaking out?” Bryce says.
“I’m not,” Jared says.
Bryce blinks up at him.
“I’m not,” Jared repeats. “That’s just like. Grown up shit. I dunno. Like, everyone’s settling down. Moving away. Marriage. Kids.”
“We’re kind of already married, J,” Bryce says.
“I know,” Jared says. “I just — ugh. I can’t believe they told Raf weeks before they told us. Stop laughing at me.”
“I’m not,” Bryce says, and he isn’t, but he is grinning up at him, a grin that says he’s finding Jared patently ridiculous right now. Which is fair, because Jared is, in fact, being patently ridiculous right now, but still. It’s offensive. Bryce is supposed to be on his side.
“Always,” Bryce says, and turns his head to kiss Jared’s hand.
“But I’m being ridiculous,” Jared says.
“Little bit,” Bryce murmurs. “Play with my hair some more.”
“Fine,” Jared says, and smiles when Bryce makes a contented noise as Jared sinks his fingers back into his hair, silk soft and product free for once. Or like, probably not, he’s probably got like, some weird thing Jared’s never even heard of for like, silk-ifying, or soft-ifying, or body-ifying, or some bullshit, but he’s let it do its thing post-shower.
Bryce’s hair like this is Jared’s favourite, down to the little cowlick in the back, and he doesn’t know if that’s because he legitimately likes it, or if it’s just because he knows Bryce wouldn’t even answer the door with his hair like this, let alone leave the house. He’s very vain. Like, for good reason, but still.
“What’re you doing?” Bryce asks, his eyes shut.
“Nothing,” Jared says, and continues to try to mold Bryce’s hair into a little mohawk.
“Quit it,” Bryce says, turning his face into Jared’s belly, and Jared resumes petting until Bryce un-sulks, then goes back to making his little mohawk.
