XIII
‘Let us go unto the House of Ninjas,’ quoth Scoot, ‘for it doth sound exotic.’ And so the Dudes went forth out of the land of New Jersey and came unto the House of Ninjas Oriental Restaurant. And they didst enter therein, but didst find the counter empty. ‘Where the hell is everyone?’ quoth Nori. ‘This is creepin’ the shit outta me—’ ‘Banzai!’ cried a fierce voice behind them. The Dudes didst jump around and discover that a ninja didst sneak up behind them. In the blink of an eye, the whole place was crawling with ninjas. ‘Cowabunga!’ quoth the Ninja behind them, ‘Welcome to the House of Ninjas! I will take thine order tonight!’ ‘Ay-ay-ay!’ cried Loki Amaya. ‘Erg… Shite!…’ cried Nori. ‘Ye damn near gaveth me a fuckin’ heart attack, dipshit!’ ‘Forgiveness, please,’ quoth the Ninja, ‘ ’tis just our way.’ ‘I hope he didst not scare the shit outta thee!’ quoth Scoot. ‘Too late!’ quoth Loki, and he didst walk away woodenly. ‘So,’ quoth the Ninja, ‘what dost thou want for dinner?’ ‘I wanteth the all-ye-can-eat buffet!’ quoth Casey. ‘Aye!’ quoth Yoco, ‘and we shalt eat all we canst eat!’ And there was much rejoicing. So the Dudes didst sit down at a great round table to await their impromptu Feast of Maximum Occupancy. Whilst they sat and talked of many things (mostly kinds of food), the ninjas didst hack and slash ingredients in the kitchen with great kung-fu action. But it came to pass that as the Dudes were enjoying themselves that the Great Othwog’s twisted offspring didst descend upon the House of Ninjas and didst attack the customers therein. The ninja crew didst power up and do battle with the blood-thirsty mini-Othwogs, but they had taken for themselves buckets upon their heads as helms, and so they were invincible, and so they didst overwhelm the ninjas. ‘Oh no!’ cried Scoot. ‘I have misplaced the HellRazor!’ ‘Oh shit…’ quoth Nori. ‘I don’t know why this is happening, Yoco, but I’m sure this is all thy fault…’ Yet the Dudes fought valiantly, to the bitter end, but ’twas not enough, for the Dudes were slaughtered mercilessly, and it was a very bloody and gory affair, which the Management of the House of Ninjas wilt not speak of to this day, and the Dudes didst all die. Except for the immortal Hans, whose head traveled the Universe as the little Othwogs’ living hood ornament. THE END