I was five years old.
So tell me why, in this memory
i’m in underwear out-on-the front porch
and its freezing cold outside
Why? why, I’d love to.
tho first know— it wasn’t freezing,
—ya it was cold—
but that’s the point when
you are playin
Pretend Polar Bear Club;
it doesn’t matter if you believe me
you probably don’t
cuz every recollection’s
dimming once it’s 40 years old
and frankly it don’t matter
if you’re tangled up in trauma
cuz your past can’t ever be revised
you’ll only ever make it longer
I’m just looking for the reason
why a preschooler is gonna know about the polar bear club
like— I’m not upset nor mad— just want the reason; why
well fuck—
…the reason why is DAD
“nothing’s forever” (“Did j’ask me to”)
cleaning off a forgotten plate
tried not to spill... look i’m sorry
nothing better than those noodles with cheese
in my own realm i’m like blah blah bla “awesome me”
Don’t hold us over railings!
Bro and i are concerned that we won’t survive
—aw fuck it just one more time
So i’ve decided that i’m staying up all night—
just as long as you make certain we don’t die
and the same applies to you
because there’s not another person in the whole world
who would introduce
his children to
the back to
the future
trilogy
Yeah what I said is what I mean
Dad started us off with Back to the Future 3.
And sure, he showed us the second movie next, but if you’ve seen them you know how bonkers that is… Another Marty in the same timeline, explained—but never understood in the realm of storytelling.
seen them at 7 years old? How about 5?
So never the less, my brother and I were massively confused.
But look—I get it—I’m not trying to sound ungrateful
I’d do anything to go back to one of those Saturday nights
when mom was elsewhere
and dad let us sleep downstairs on the foldout
couch
watching movies
playing nintendo
just enjoying
What the fuck happened?
why is every thing
so different from what
my conditioning
had me constantly believing?
I was so fooled…
But that is neither here nor is it there
There are so many mysteries of which I more so. care.
So how’s it possible
someone who never knew his dad
could fit so fucking perfectly in shoes he never had
the chance to wear as poster-child of his broken home, ’n in front the mirror pose to declare it’d be different once he’d grown.
And why am I the one with such a perfect dad?
When my father’s more deserving of the ubbringing I had?
Is this making any sense to you? Because it never does to me.
I guess i’m just not thinking fourth dimensionally.
