#griefisntlinear

[grief-isnt-linear]

I am forcing myself to go with life. I acknowledge that life will continue to flow onwards whether I go with it or not. I have chosen to go with it. Yes, I hurt, but I will be whole again one day. The relationship lasted three years. It requires time.

I want affectionate attention but I don't think I should fling myself at the first arms available. I want to respect the healing process and not make it worse by accident. There is someone I've noticed, they are sweet, but I can't think about it until I am whole again.

~E x

[grief-isnt-linear]

I'm going to try and stay true to who I am, or at least remember who I am. I feel lost, and unprepared for the world.

It's been almost a month and I hurt deeper than I will let myself admit. I am so tired. I believed I would marry them, so I committed to the relationship as if I would. I realise now that I was being undernourished and gaslit. I am so deeply unsure of life now.

It keeps being remarked upon that I am handling it so well. But I hurt, I am doing my best to ignore it all, because it hurts and it is heavy. It burns and makes my muscles ache. I feel cavernous, as if a black hole has opened in my chest and that I am going to be pulled in unless I close it.

~E x

[rubyroselover81]

#missingmyperson #5yearsisforever #griefisntlinear (at Stillwater, Oklahoma)

[rubyroselover81]

I sure miss that guy. More than I ever thought I would. I didn't even like him...for years. 😂😢😭💔 #griefisntlinear